Need to spice up your crappy 2020? Get a coatimundi, aka the hog-nosed coon. Just stick a collar on him, secure a leash, take him to a dog park, and see what happens. It couldn’t be any worse than what’s already happened this year. Imagine the possibilities: you could contract coronavirus or pass it on to someone else standing near you. If they’re not wearing a mask, that’s on them. Don’t let anyone tell you he’s not welcome in their dog park. Who cares if he’s a safety risk? It’s not fair to keep him out. Parks should be more inclusive.
Maybe a dog there is a carrier! Maybe a Great Dane will try to mate him, and he will defend himself and tear that Dane to pieces. Uh-oh! Liability issues. Now the media is involved. Perhaps someone will be offended by the sight or smell of your coati and call the cops. Wait? The cops were defunded? Who’s answering 911 now? Who can they dispatch to?
He sure is cute, though. If you purchase one as a pet, just know that Purina won’t work for this guy. Make sure to provide fish and ants, as well as eggs and sugar. Coatis looove sugar. He was not made to eat a vegan diet, so don’t push your agenda on him. And don’t get angry if he comes at you like a spider monkey; it’s in his nature. He can’t transition into a chill sloth or a domestic cat. He’s stuck in the skin he was born in. Don’t try and forcefeed him Zoloft or Latuda or push meditation practices on him to quell his biting tendencies. Believe me, when he sinks his teeth into your skin, he is fully present. Fair warning: he may give in to his bandit ways, and like a coon, pillage your neighbor’s trashcan. Just make sure he doesn’t get caught or he may wind up shot and stuffed. Trespassing is against the law, after all.
If so, make lemonade from lemons, maybe a nice purse or gloves from his fur. But don’t tell PETA!! In fact, don’t tell anyone anything, because they may get offended.
Who needs a carbonated beverage when hot and hunky Randy is only a meter away, and his Chanel Pour Monsieur is wafting toward you on the wings of love, mingled with the musky scent of teen athlete? Focus, Joyce, or you’ll drop your pom.
Hormones are high all around. Looks like she’s got designs on this guy.
The sight of Bill literally made Sally’s jaw fall open.
Too much nuzzling!
A’courting we shall go.
He shall be mine by nightfall. I will yet ensnare him.
I love vintage National Geographics. They didn’t mince words in describing these “shanty-boat folk” in May of 1932, which, though in the Depression, was STILL probably a better May than ours, as they weren’t consumed by thoughts of invisible germs killing them. Shanty-boat folk don’t care about no germs. SBF don’t care about paying property taxes, since their “crude craft of clapboards and tin” drifted along the Ohio River and down the Mississippi as they saw fit, stealing food from cornfields and berry patches, or snatching an unfortunate stray chicken. These water gypsies had been “the bane of steamboat skippers,” who tried to maneuver around them in days of yore, and continued to incite derision as the decades passed.
For more information on shanty boat people and cool images like this even-more-mobile mobile home, check out: https://peoplesriverhistory.us/project/history/.
Oft is the time I’ve enjoyed a Whitman’s Sampler; Walgreen’s always has them in supply. But what of this metal box of Loveliness? Isn’t that a fruit of the spirit? No, I forget myself. Loveliness is full of surprise centers. Forrest Gump’s mother was well-acquainted with these. I received neither last Sunday. But at least I’m not stuck on a frontier with my frock stuck in a cactus.
Four incredibly color-coordinated pale faces chat about patterns with Chippewa Chief Big Bear in Itasca Park, Minnesota back in 1935. His tribesman sold many items to visitors, including beaded bags, baskets, toy birch-bark canoes, and other handicrafts. They also held husking parties, such as these, with the intent to supply rice for sportsmen’s game banquets.
While other tribes chose corn as their main crop, the Chippewa lived in a “place where there is food upon the water” surrounding the Great Lakes region. Wild rice, or “manoomin” in the Ojibwe language, was integral to their diets as well as their entire way of life. Wisconsin Chippewans have harvested manoomin for centuries.
In 2018, Chippewa Indians from Turtle Lake, Wisconsin continued to gather in the name of rice, hosting their 45th annual Wild Rice Festival. The pow-wow was the showstopper.
While rice beds have been diminishing, threatened by climate issues, pipelines, and mines, Chippewans struggle to protect the crop by reseeding lakes and waterways, hoping to meet the needs of their communities as well as pass on the culture to younger generations.
Who knew wild rice was such a big deal? To most of us, it’s just a side option at restaurants.
Or a delectable holiday dish, such as this cranberry squash wild rice pilaf.
Seriously, I could eat that right now.
Check and see if your state celebrates wild rice as well. Why, we even have a Texas Wild Rice Festival in San Marcos! There’s the mayor floating the river in the middle of the festival.
Prices seem fair in most places, even if you don’t get a pow-wow or float down a river.
And don’t forget to dress up!