Thick, Thirsty Terrycloth

pajamas

You all know my beef with wearing pajamas in public: NOT ACCEPTABLE. Not to the mailbox, not to walk your kids to the bus stop, not even to put your trash out on trash day. No, sir, we don’t do that.  And that goes for slippers, too.

Not in the ghetto, not in the store, not in the driveway, do it no more.

http://forum.malvestite.net/
 

Seriously, big fella? Did you think we wouldn’t notice?

http://forum.malvestite.net/
http://forum.malvestite.net/

And just because you are at Wal-Mart does not give a grown-ass woman free reign to wear onesies, especially with a faux designer bag.

very bad people of walmart

Footsies!  Really?

The only way this would EVER be acceptable is if you ran out of your burning house in the middle of the night, and ran straight to Wal-Mart to purchase bonafide normal clothes, appropriate for all to see, and you had the PRESENCE OF MIND to change into said new clothes in their rank restrooms before actually exiting the building.

The only other alternative I can see is to time travel back to 1962 and purchase any sleepwear from Montgomery Ward because I have thumbed through that ’62 Fall & Winter catalogue, and let me tell you–the pj’s are nicer than today’s styles.

Wards003Yes, these were sold as pajamas–cotton flannelettes, to be exact. Why, look at how gay and merry these ladies look! One’s got a telescope. That’s science!

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And don’t be fooled into thinking you can’t look hip and trendy in these modest choices. These were made for sleeping, not twerking, but there’s nothing “square” about a shift gown. It says so right in the ad!

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Before viewing this ad, I didn’t even realize I NEEDED a bonnet to accessorize my sleepwear. See how it helps her with those fancy yoga moves?

Wards001And let’s don’t forget the fellas. Why wear a wifebeater and pajama bottoms with the name of the university that you only attended for one semester twenty years ago when you could wear this?

Wards006Go ahead; bring your pipe. What’s not to love with so many colors and prints? This guy is right on time.

Wards007And hey, so what if you’ve packed on some pounds after turning 40? Hide that flabby belly underneath one of these swank terry robes, also in TALL and STOUT. That means 170 lbs in 1962.

Wards005And let’s not forget the kids. These pajama sets are publicly presentable.

Wards011Makes me want to take a trip to Dream Town myself! Those ski pajamas could go from bed to elementary school in no time. Why change at all when it’s so fashion forward? But leave the sleepers at home, kids. Those plastic soles won’t cut it on today’s asphalt parking lots.

Wards008Seriously, don’t Betty, Tommy, Sarah, and Mike look smart? Nothing outdated about these Easter eggshell pastels. I suddenly want to eat some Jordan Almonds. Hey, let’s get in the station wagon and get some at Wal-mart. But first, let me make sure I’ve got my 1962 pajama set on. I don’t want to look like I’ve given up on every dream I ever had or lost every last shred of dignity.

Long Island Body Double

Catalina Lozano
Catalina Lozano

I came across this photo of Miss Catalina Lozano in a 1967 yearbook for the Schreiner Institute.  I had to do a double-take, as she looks eerily like the daughter of Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium.

http://realitytvgifs.tumblr.com
http://realitytvgifs.tumblr.com

At the time the yearbook portrait was taken, Theresa Caputo had yet to be born. But I’d venture to say Catalina looks more like Victoria than Theresa herself.

Same flowing brunette locks, same Cocker Spaniel brown eyes, same nose, same lips…Victoria plus 1960s eyeliner equals Miss Chihuahua 1967. That’s all there is to it.

You Mean We Don’t Need Seven Remotes For One TV?

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Back in the day, all you needed was four buttons to access ALL 82 channels. That’s right up my alley. Simplicity. Why have we made this so complicated from what it was in 1980?

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Jupiter is still a bonafide planet, right?

The new RCA FD500 had everything one could want, including programming a week’s worth of shows. Who needs TIVO? Not only did it shut itself off after The Late Show, but it could turn your lamps off and on intermittently to ward off would-be robbers and thugs. Let’s hope they didn’t know you had scored the latest RCA, or you were done for! Even the AutoProgrammer could wake you up. No alarm needed!

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And the colors were so vibrant! See how right the colors can be.

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Yep, I think that’s pretty much all the colors.

I recall we were all a lot thinner then, but THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Somebody feed her! She is about to collapse under the weight of her videocamera!

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And if you’re gonna do it, do it right. Don’t skimp on lesser models when you could go full on stately cabinet, pecan-veneered Marandino.

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Or the Glenrich, a contemporary highboy. Oh, that’s a good name for a blog, come to think of it. Maybe I’ll change mine. Anyhoo, the point is not to skimp. You want to watch Thursday’s Mork and Mindy and Bosom Buddies in style, don’t you? Just think, you could be THIS guy.

this guy

The Blood of Young Runaways

How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It’s simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.–William Shatner

When you think of fitness, Jane Fonda or Denise Austin may come to mind. But no doubt William Shatner isn’t far behind.

Don't point that thing at me!
Don’t point that thing at me!

In the newest acquisition to my library…

Fitness007

…Shatner explains his health and fitness secrets.

Fitness005

In the last thirty years, his weight has evidently increased from that 165 lbs. Here he is retrieving a discarded french fry on a Hawaiian beach.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/

But this is nothing new. His midsection has been ripe for speculation for many years.

www.aoltv.com (does AOL even exist any more?)

In fact, Captain Kirk appears to be sickened by the mere thought of Sweating to the Oldies.

www.aoltv.com (does AOL even exist any more?)
http://www.aoltv.com

Uh-oh! Someone got a little too close to that flame!

http://www.mnn.com/
http://www.mnn.com/

Actually, the flame was due less to Richard Simmons and more to the perils of frying turkey for Thanksgiving, which Shatner discusses here:

Flame-free and portly, he’s still truckin’ at 82 years old (and several months older than Regis!). Last year, he performed in a one-man show on Broadway, called Shatner’s World: We Just Live in It, and he makes consistent appearances on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  Clearly, he’s having the last laugh.

http://www.mamapop.com/
http://www.mamapop.com/

Not bad for a Canadian.

Still The Boss

Get a load of those proud roosters…

http://nypost.com/2013/09/21/joseph-gordon-levitt-tony-danza-reunite-in-don-jon/
http://nypost.com/2013/09/21/joseph-gordon-levitt-tony-danza-reunite-in-don-jon/

Most of us remember Antonio Salvatore Ladanza from his TV series Taxi or later, Who’s The Boss? but Tony Danza is also an accomplished boxer, tap dancer, and Broadway actor. And as you can see from the picture above, in his latest movie, Don Jon, this 62-year-old is still pretty ripped. He explained that he did nothing to prepare physically for the role,; he maintains this level of fitness from his years as a prize fighter. But I have a celebrity fitness book from 1983 that reveals his secret:

“YOU CAN STAY IN SHAPE WITH JUST SEX AND NOTHING ELSE. THEN, YOU CAN EAT ALL THE MACARONI YOU WANT.”

Fitness001

At the time, he was still acting on Taxi with Marilu Henner, who has said that he wanted to “drill a hole through her dressing room wall.” Apparently, this misplaced testosterone could lead to barroom brawls, if not directed into workouts. Here he is punching a speed bag.

Mr. Danza circa 1983
Mr. Danza circa 1983

I particularly enjoyed the last line of the interview: “I’m self-conscious because I’m getting older–I just turned 32.”  Scoff if you will, but many celebrities never made it past the age of 32: Karen Carpenter and Cass Elliot (talk about night and day), as well as Bruce Lee, Keith Moon, and one of the guys in Milli Vanilli. Congratulations, Tony, on maintaining your fitness in the 30 years since this was published. And here’s to 30 more. Buon lavoro!

Inside Yank, Part II

Yank002

Yank addressed the realities of the American soldier in his own words, from discharge to depression, all in one panel.

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This issue summed up the progress made in the war over the past year, without mincing words (B-29s pounded hell out of the Jap mainland).

1944sum

The common bond of a shared experience gave comfort to men who had been to hell and back.  Humor was often the best salve.

Yank009Here a British soldier conveys the perception of American soldiers as lousy lovers:

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Grand company indeed.

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Interesting words from FDR, who had passed only eight months prior to this publication. Yank014

Inside Yank, Part I

Heeeeeere's Lucy!
Yup, that’s Lucille Ball.

I’ve been going through some of Granddad’s WWII items, and I stumbled upon this Yank magazine, dated Dec 28, 1945. Christmas was upon the nation, and the war was over.

Yank001

But even though the war was over, many American soldiers had yet to return home.

Yank011

It is fascinating to read how the servicemen felt about what should be done with the secret of the atomic bomb.

Yank008As you might guess, the centerfold included these lovely ladies:

Yank003Apparently, the servicemen were feeling a little frisky once they landed on familiar soil.

Yank006

And there are some (understandably so) not quite politically correct cartoons…

Yank010Stay tuned for Part II for another inside glimpse into Yank, the army weekly.

Meeting The Challenge

Today we have a guest blogger named Mat, who shares with us his amazing weekend in McAllen, Texas last week, accompanying his friend as part of Challenged Sportsmen of America, Inc.:

Almost 9 years ago, I became friends with a guy named Brian.

friend1

I met Brian through a mutual friend. A few of us were recently divorced, added to the fact that we all liked cold beer and cooking out, made for a group of friends that were always together. My first date with with my (now) wife was a night of karaoke with some of these guys. Brian and I had a special connection. He was always a calm, level kind of guy that operated on logic and wisdom. Many late nights talking over a cold beer happened between he and I. He is my brother, and he always will be.

The last time this group of guys and I hunted together was 3 years ago this month on the Breckenridge lease. Later that year, Brian was found to have a cyst on his cerebral cortex that had to be removed. What was supposed to be a simple procedure, ended up inducing a stroke and changing Brian’s life. He and his wife, Mary, both have daughters, and they had just had their son. The obstacles and trials for this family had just begun. The last three years have been filled with tears, triumphs, therapy, treatments and milestones.

Fast forward to this year. On one of their many flights, Mary and Brian met a guy named Chad. Chad became a paraplegic after an automobile accident when he was 19 years old. I don’t know all the details, but at some point, Chad told Mary about Challenged Sportsmen of America, Inc. and the work they do for Sportsmen/women to get them back into the field and on the water, doing what they enjoyed. A couple of months ago, Mary contacted me and told me about the CSA Wing & Water weekend and asked me if I would be willing to accompany Brian for the weekend. Obviously, my answer was a YES!

Last Friday morning, I drove to the McAllen airport to pick up Brian and begin our weekend with CSA. Neither of us really knew what to expect. We were the “newbies” this year–Brian as the challenged sportsman, I as his able body (AB). We knew we would hunt and fish and have aids and opportunities specifically for people in Brian’s position, but we didn’t really know more than that.

We soon learned that we were entering a family of some of the most amazing people on the planet. Not just the challenged individuals, but also the volunteers and donors to this organization. We got some of the best dove hunting I have ever seen, incredible food and wholesome fellowship.

room

This group includes those with various types of limitations , as well as  volunteers who give up 3 days of their lives to make a difference for someone and experiences that words can’t even describe.

friend
This is Cody, a blind man, who was a former body building coach who lost his vision, but didn’t let it stop him. One of his former students was his AB, and they had devised an intricate system of verbal commands combined with touch to get him on to targets that he can’t even see. I got the opportunity to visit with this man quite a bit. He didn’t even flinch when I approached and asked, “So exactly HOW do you dove hunt?” He was one of the happiest, most genuine people I have ever encountered.

I overheard him talking to someone else as he was telling them his secrets to life:

1) No whining or complaining, EVER.

2) Spend at least 5 minutes per day focusing on God.

3) Spend at least 5 minutes per day giving undivided attention to someone else.

4) Spend at least 5 minutes per day giving undivided attention to yourself.

Seems simple, yet I know I don’t meet this goal every day. During the skeet shoot, he busted 3 clays and continued to shoot a handful of dove over the weekend. No excuses, no whining.

friend2

This incredible guy has lived with birth defects that make simple tasks impossible for the average person. He doesn’t have hands like you and I. At the end of his arms are flesh that no way resembles hands. The same condition affected his legs, causing him to require prosthetic legs. If the fact that he retrofitted his shotgun to enable him to hold onto it and function it wasn’t enough, the fact that he built a T-bucket street rod and holds an active pilot’s license should impress all of us. He is heading up a new division of his company, called enabled.org, which puts challenged and disabled people in contact with companies and their products that make major differences in how they do things- from sporting goods to daily life essentials. My company, Round 2,  will be working with him in the near future on a couple of projects, and I am excited. It makes me think of my own training and students….after what I’ve been privileged to witness, there really are NO excuses!

Most importantly, Brian was smiling. It was a long weekend, full of activities. He tired and over-stimulated quickly, and the responsibility of making sure he was taken care of and comfortable was tiring for me as well. I got a taste of what his wife does on a daily basis, and I gained new respect for her. She admitted, “This road has been hard , long , and accompanied with many challenges, not only for Brian, but also for ALL that have lived him. I couldn’t have ever said “I do” without loving him unconditionally . He is my Rock- and our journey is filled with God’s gracious love, and I look forward to what will continue to unfold for our journey.”

I saw firsthand how simple tasks that I regularly take for granted are much more taxing on him, and I gained new respect for him and his strength. Not only did we get to hunt together again, but we got to share even more. We got to laugh together again as “the guys” for the first time in 3 years. We got to hang out and sip a cold beer together, go hunting, go fishing and share memories. Brian has come a long way, and he is still moving. Parts of his memory are cloudy and missing pieces. On Saturday, he asked me when I was going to tie the knot with my wife. When I told him we were already married and reminded him that he was drunk at our reception and eating the flowers off the cake, the memory came back and he was able to fill in the gaps. We filled in a lot of gaps this last weekend, and it was good. I freaking love that guy.

No less important are the countless volunteers and donors to this organization. Aside from actually getting to McAllen, participants are given an all expenses-covered weekend. All meals, lodging and activities are free of charge. Even ammo for the hunt and drinks/snacks are provided. This is all made possible by generous donors who  care enough to get challenged and disabled sportsman back in the field. Every need was provided and any special needs were addressed by a top notch committee that has been making this event successful for 18 years and counting.

Everyone who attended won something during the weekend. Prizes, gifts, raffles–everyone was a winner. Brian was the lucky winner of a 150-160 class whitetail cull buck hunt on the Shipp Ranch near Laredo (His super lucky AB gets to go with him!). This is a once-in-a-lifetime trophy hunt by most of our standards- all expenses paid. Several other hunts were given away, along with a multitude of prizes.

I have committed to making this an annual tradition for Brian and me, and I am already excited for next year. I have also committed to being a part of this amazing organization through donation, fundraising and volunteering. In the event that Brian couldn’t make it one year for whatever reason, I’ll be there as a volunteer. I have never met a more genuine, down-to-earth group of people who treat each other better than family and refuse to accept limitations and let anything hold them back.

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