Thick, Thirsty Terrycloth

pajamas

You all know my beef with wearing pajamas in public: NOT ACCEPTABLE. Not to the mailbox, not to walk your kids to the bus stop, not even to put your trash out on trash day. No, sir, we don’t do that.  And that goes for slippers, too.

Not in the ghetto, not in the store, not in the driveway, do it no more.

http://forum.malvestite.net/

 

Seriously, big fella? Did you think we wouldn’t notice?

And just because you are at Wal-Mart does not give a grown-ass woman free reign to wear onesies, especially with a faux designer bag.

very bad people of walmart

Footsies!  Really?

The only way this would EVER be acceptable is if you ran out of your burning house in the middle of the night, and ran straight to Wal-Mart to purchase bonafide normal clothes, appropriate for all to see, and you had the PRESENCE OF MIND to change into said new clothes in their rank restrooms before actually exiting the building.

The only other alternative I can see is to time travel back to 1962 and purchase any sleepwear from Montgomery Ward because I have thumbed through that ’62 Fall & Winter catalogue, and let me tell you–the pj’s are nicer than today’s styles.

Wards003Yes, these were sold as pajamas–cotton flannelettes, to be exact. Why, look at how gay and merry these ladies look! One’s got a telescope. That’s science!

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And don’t be fooled into thinking you can’t look hip and trendy in these modest choices. These were made for sleeping, not twerking, but there’s nothing “square” about a shift gown. It says so right in the ad!

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Before viewing this ad, I didn’t even realize I NEEDED a bonnet to accessorize my sleepwear. See how it helps her with those fancy yoga moves?

Wards001And let’s don’t forget the fellas. Why wear a wifebeater and pajama bottoms with the name of the university that you only attended for one semester twenty years ago when you could wear this?

Wards006Go ahead; bring your pipe. What’s not to love with so many colors and prints? This guy is right on time.

Wards007And hey, so what if you’ve packed on some pounds after turning 40? Hide that flabby belly underneath one of these swank terry robes, also in TALL and STOUT. That means 170 lbs in 1962.

Wards005And let’s not forget the kids. These pajama sets are publicly presentable.

Wards011Makes me want to take a trip to Dream Town myself! Those ski pajamas could go from bed to elementary school in no time. Why change at all when it’s so fashion forward? But leave the sleepers at home, kids. Those plastic soles won’t cut it on today’s asphalt parking lots.

Wards008Seriously, don’t Betty, Tommy, Sarah, and Mike look smart? Nothing outdated about these Easter eggshell pastels. I suddenly want to eat some Jordan Almonds. Hey, let’s get in the station wagon and get some at Wal-mart. But first, let me make sure I’ve got my 1962 pajama set on. I don’t want to look like I’ve given up on every dream I ever had or lost every last shred of dignity.

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Long Island Body Double

Catalina Lozano

Catalina Lozano

I came across this photo of Miss Catalina Lozano in a 1967 yearbook for the Schreiner Institute.  I had to do a double-take, as she looks eerily like the daughter of Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium.

At the time the yearbook portrait was taken, Theresa Caputo had yet to be born. But I’d venture to say Catalina looks more like Victoria than Theresa herself.

Same flowing brunette locks, same Cocker Spaniel brown eyes, same nose, same lips…Victoria plus 1960s eyeliner equals Miss Chihuahua 1967. That’s all there is to it.

You Mean We Don’t Need Seven Remotes For One TV?

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Back in the day, all you needed was four buttons to access ALL 82 channels. That’s right up my alley. Simplicity. Why have we made this so complicated from what it was in 1980?

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Jupiter is still a bonafide planet, right?

The new RCA FD500 had everything one could want, including programming a week’s worth of shows. Who needs TIVO? Not only did it shut itself off after The Late Show, but it could turn your lamps off and on intermittently to ward off would-be robbers and thugs. Let’s hope they didn’t know you had scored the latest RCA, or you were done for! Even the AutoProgrammer could wake you up. No alarm needed!

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And the colors were so vibrant! See how right the colors can be.

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Yep, I think that’s pretty much all the colors.

I recall we were all a lot thinner then, but THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Somebody feed her! She is about to collapse under the weight of her videocamera!

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And if you’re gonna do it, do it right. Don’t skimp on lesser models when you could go full on stately cabinet, pecan-veneered Marandino.

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Or the Glenrich, a contemporary highboy. Oh, that’s a good name for a blog, come to think of it. Maybe I’ll change mine. Anyhoo, the point is not to skimp. You want to watch Thursday’s Mork and Mindy and Bosom Buddies in style, don’t you? Just think, you could be THIS guy.

this guy

The Blood of Young Runaways

How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It’s simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.–William Shatner

When you think of fitness, Jane Fonda or Denise Austin may come to mind. But no doubt William Shatner isn’t far behind.

Don't point that thing at me!

Don’t point that thing at me!

In the newest acquisition to my library…

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…Shatner explains his health and fitness secrets.

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In the last thirty years, his weight has evidently increased from that 165 lbs. Here he is retrieving a discarded french fry on a Hawaiian beach.

But this is nothing new. His midsection has been ripe for speculation for many years.

www.aoltv.com (does AOL even exist any more?)

In fact, Captain Kirk appears to be sickened by the mere thought of Sweating to the Oldies.

Uh-oh! Someone got a little too close to that flame!

Actually, the flame was due less to Richard Simmons and more to the perils of frying turkey for Thanksgiving, which Shatner discusses here:

Flame-free and portly, he’s still truckin’ at 82 years old (and several months older than Regis!). Last year, he performed in a one-man show on Broadway, called Shatner’s World: We Just Live in It, and he makes consistent appearances on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.  Clearly, he’s having the last laugh.

Not bad for a Canadian.

Still The Boss

Get a load of those proud roosters…

Most of us remember Antonio Salvatore Ladanza from his TV series Taxi or later, Who’s The Boss? but Tony Danza is also an accomplished boxer, tap dancer, and Broadway actor. And as you can see from the picture above, in his latest movie, Don Jon, this 62-year-old is still pretty ripped. He explained that he did nothing to prepare physically for the role,; he maintains this level of fitness from his years as a prize fighter. But I have a celebrity fitness book from 1983 that reveals his secret:

“YOU CAN STAY IN SHAPE WITH JUST SEX AND NOTHING ELSE. THEN, YOU CAN EAT ALL THE MACARONI YOU WANT.”

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At the time, he was still acting on Taxi with Marilu Henner, who has said that he wanted to “drill a hole through her dressing room wall.” Apparently, this misplaced testosterone could lead to barroom brawls, if not directed into workouts. Here he is punching a speed bag.

Mr. Danza circa 1983

Mr. Danza circa 1983

I particularly enjoyed the last line of the interview: “I’m self-conscious because I’m getting older–I just turned 32.”  Scoff if you will, but many celebrities never made it past the age of 32: Karen Carpenter and Cass Elliot (talk about night and day), as well as Bruce Lee, Keith Moon, and one of the guys in Milli Vanilli. Congratulations, Tony, on maintaining your fitness in the 30 years since this was published. And here’s to 30 more. Buon lavoro!

Inside Yank, Part II

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Yank addressed the realities of the American soldier in his own words, from discharge to depression, all in one panel.

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This issue summed up the progress made in the war over the past year, without mincing words (B-29s pounded hell out of the Jap mainland).

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The common bond of a shared experience gave comfort to men who had been to hell and back.  Humor was often the best salve.

Yank009Here a British soldier conveys the perception of American soldiers as lousy lovers:

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Grand company indeed.

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Interesting words from FDR, who had passed only eight months prior to this publication. Yank014

Inside Yank, Part I

Heeeeeere's Lucy!

Yup, that’s Lucille Ball.

I’ve been going through some of Granddad’s WWII items, and I stumbled upon this Yank magazine, dated Dec 28, 1945. Christmas was upon the nation, and the war was over.

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But even though the war was over, many American soldiers had yet to return home.

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It is fascinating to read how the servicemen felt about what should be done with the secret of the atomic bomb.

Yank008As you might guess, the centerfold included these lovely ladies:

Yank003Apparently, the servicemen were feeling a little frisky once they landed on familiar soil.

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And there are some (understandably so) not quite politically correct cartoons…

Yank010Stay tuned for Part II for another inside glimpse into Yank, the army weekly.