Thick, Thirsty Terrycloth

pajamas

You all know my beef with wearing pajamas in public: NOT ACCEPTABLE. Not to the mailbox, not to walk your kids to the bus stop, not even to put your trash out on trash day. No, sir, we don’t do that.  And that goes for slippers, too.

Not in the ghetto, not in the store, not in the driveway, do it no more.

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Seriously, big fella? Did you think we wouldn’t notice?

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And just because you are at Wal-Mart does not give a grown-ass woman free reign to wear onesies, especially with a faux designer bag.

very bad people of walmart

Footsies!  Really?

The only way this would EVER be acceptable is if you ran out of your burning house in the middle of the night, and ran straight to Wal-Mart to purchase bonafide normal clothes, appropriate for all to see, and you had the PRESENCE OF MIND to change into said new clothes in their rank restrooms before actually exiting the building.

The only other alternative I can see is to time travel back to 1962 and purchase any sleepwear from Montgomery Ward because I have thumbed through that ’62 Fall & Winter catalogue, and let me tell you–the pj’s are nicer than today’s styles.

Wards003Yes, these were sold as pajamas–cotton flannelettes, to be exact. Why, look at how gay and merry these ladies look! One’s got a telescope. That’s science!

Wards002

And don’t be fooled into thinking you can’t look hip and trendy in these modest choices. These were made for sleeping, not twerking, but there’s nothing “square” about a shift gown. It says so right in the ad!

Wards012

Before viewing this ad, I didn’t even realize I NEEDED a bonnet to accessorize my sleepwear. See how it helps her with those fancy yoga moves?

Wards001And let’s don’t forget the fellas. Why wear a wifebeater and pajama bottoms with the name of the university that you only attended for one semester twenty years ago when you could wear this?

Wards006Go ahead; bring your pipe. What’s not to love with so many colors and prints? This guy is right on time.

Wards007And hey, so what if you’ve packed on some pounds after turning 40? Hide that flabby belly underneath one of these swank terry robes, also in TALL and STOUT. That means 170 lbs in 1962.

Wards005And let’s not forget the kids. These pajama sets are publicly presentable.

Wards011Makes me want to take a trip to Dream Town myself! Those ski pajamas could go from bed to elementary school in no time. Why change at all when it’s so fashion forward? But leave the sleepers at home, kids. Those plastic soles won’t cut it on today’s asphalt parking lots.

Wards008Seriously, don’t Betty, Tommy, Sarah, and Mike look smart? Nothing outdated about these Easter eggshell pastels. I suddenly want to eat some Jordan Almonds. Hey, let’s get in the station wagon and get some at Wal-mart. But first, let me make sure I’ve got my 1962 pajama set on. I don’t want to look like I’ve given up on every dream I ever had or lost every last shred of dignity.

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20 comments

  1. I don’t own pajamas in the traditional sense, but feel so flipping uncomfortable being out of the house with anything worse than denim and a t-shirt. It’s usually a polo. Pajamas in public signify to me that said person can’t figure out the line between comfort and childishness. I can’t send them to their room, either.

    By the way, people say “Montgomery Wards”? I wasn’t aware of this. The one in Toledo closed in 2002, and I never went there. However, we say things like “Krogers” when it’s really Kroger. I’m starting to think it’s a common practice.

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  2. Obviously you already know my own complaints about grown adults wearing pajama’s in public based on my blog/rant, but when I saw the picture of the woman at Walmart in the pink footie pajama’s I just wanted to cry

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  3. WOW. Well young lady you seem to have hit the nail on its fuzzy, terry cloth and fleece lined head. Out standing and very funny. People need to develop some sense of decorum. What the hell was that women thinking. Going out in public in a garment with feet. Wasn’t she worried about the stuff she will track in to her home? Geesh.

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  4. But what separates pajamas from daytime clothes, really? Many of those pajamas from 1962 are exactly the same as daytime clothes from the 80s and 90ss. if those pants on the “big fella” were a solid color, would you be able to tell they are pajamas? Obviously the people wearing slippers and onesies are in pajamas – But where is the acceptable line between wearing pajamas and dressing vintage? Is fleece the line? Prints on the pants? When I buy a pattern for pants, often the same pattern can be used for pajamas and daytime pants. It seems to me that the only difference is that “pajama pants” such as the one on the big fella are sold in the pajama isle at walmart.

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    • Yes, the pajamas from ’62 would be acceptable today bc they are so like real clothes. If the big fella’s pants were not made of fleece or blanket material, then they could be real pants. If you wear them in your bed, they are pajamas. Our society is so lazy that folks get out of bed and wear the same thing they slept in to public places. This is why pajama jeans exist. But only a true fashionista could answer all your questions. I am simple.

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      • But the thing is, they aren’t like SIXTIES daytime fashion – they started out as clearly pajamas, and became acceptable to wear in public later! If you see a person at Walmart, how are you to know what they wear to bed? I sleep naked, so by that logic, I can wear footies and it wouldn’t be pajamas. (And really I can’t imagine anyone wanting to try to wrestle those things off and on when they have to pee in the middle of the night. They always seemed like a horrible idea to me, ESPECIALLY for toddlers and kids who might pee in them if they can’t get them off fast enough. But I digress.) If I get out of bed and put on some “pajama pants” it’s going to LOOK as if I’ve just gotten out of bed without changing, but that isn’t the case.

        IMO pajama jeans exist not so people can be lazy, but more so that people can have the COMFORT of “pajama pants” while looking like they are wearing jeans. I have never met a person that actually SLEEPS in “pajama jeans”.

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