In The Arms Of Santa

Cactus 1943

This WWII Santa doesn’t appear that much older than the doe-eyed toddler he’s holding. Volunteering from a university fraternity, he seems a bit smoother about the edges than his later counterpart in 1967, shown below.

Tipi 1967

Sideburns and skinny ties share the stage with both a plusher Santa beard and Santa suit, which appears to have been velveteened. Of course, not everyone can get the Santa gig. Some folks have to settle for holiday titles.

Ozarko 1968

Who even knew Barnwarming Queen was a thing? Are barns notoriously cold? Do queens exude that much heat?

It looks pretty toasty for these Savitar Barnwarming Queen Candidates in 1959. The only real loser here is the missing “g” in barnwarming.

cafnr.missouri.edu

Makes it sound oddly like barn-worming. But that’s another thing altogether.

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We Were Merely Freshmen

1964 Westerner

The era of donning the traditional freshmen beanies has all but faded into history. But it was alive and well in 1964 New Mexico.

 

Jack Sprat Could Eat No Fat

8/67

It’s no news flash that most of us today are fat fat fatties. Reminds me of the old Morrissey song, “You’re The One For Me, Fatty.” It’s not surprising if you’ve never heard of Nutrament, as it exists today mainly only in New York and Florida. They have added new flavors, including cappucino, dulce de leche, mango, and the seasonally appropriate eggnog. Yeah, I still don’t want it. Why drink your calories when you can feast on meat and sides?

Now I was not alive in 1967 when this ad debuted, but women have ALWAYS been drawn to tall drinks of water. I doubt this lanky lad was at a loss for ladies, except that his proportions are all off. An average person is 7 1/2 heads high, and he is easily 9 heads high. Nobody likes a shrunken head.

The UK also struggles with obesity. They posted this image, comparing a typical 1967 male with a modern man. The difference was 23 lbs.

 

Converted to lbs, that’s 162 lbs vs 185. I don’t know about you, but I know a lot of folks who would LOOOOOOVE to weigh 185. That would be a blessing. And fatty evidently is outliving his thinner counterpart by quite a bit. Probably pumped up on medications, though. Time is a beast and steals our beauty and our firmness. Rare is the bird who looks better now than then.

Unless you’re Al Roker.

Now here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods: you are surrounded by fatties like me.

Gladys Tempts Fate With Sub-Par Tinsel Skills: Deanne Snaps

Westerner ’64

Gabriel and Maria were privy to the final moments before Deanne went ballistic on poor, inept Gladys, wrestling her to the ground and yelling, “It’s tinsel, Gladys, not a beaded curtain!”

And Gladys never did tinsel again.

giphy.com