Poor Dad. When Mom’s off her mental meds, he’s on the receiving end of her crazy. Sometimes it’s diluted Coke or the cold poke of an unwarranted hose spray. Either way, Mom’s a handful with a devilish grin. Shouldn’t she be grateful Dad’s kept so fit, in spite of sipping soda? He’s still got a great head of hair, a healthy tan, and can rock lemon yellow shorts like nobody’s business. Perhaps it’s not her meds at all. Maybe she’s just going through the change. In that case, she needs the pause that refreshes for the menopause that depletes. Hand Mom a Coke and a smile today!
Ah, springtime in Switzerland! Love is in the air, on the cool of the crisp, pure breeze, the crusts are cut off our picnic sandwiches and a German Alpine hat-donning senior has just procured more bottles of Coke for us! How could life get better?
Over 60 years have passed, and Coke is still going strong in Switzerland. Although the national Swiss drink is Rivella, which sounds like a lot like rubella (aka German measles), Coke is still number one. If you ain’t first, you’re last. Sorry, Rivella. I won’t even show you the ugly label of a Rivella bottle, which looks like a second grader won a label art contest, and the contents appear akin to diluted tea. Hard pass. Coke wins.
Back in 1947, folks weren’t meeting up at Starbucks for $6 coffees. They were meeting at diners for nickel Cokes. Never coined Sprite nor Big Red nor Fanta Dates, this ad hyphenates it as “Coke-Dates.” No gal worth her salt would show up to sip soda in a t-shirt and jeans. Perish the thought! So Joan Miller made this fantubulous dress of men and women, gussied up in hats and suits, drinking Cokes themselves. Add a ruffled collar, and voila! Coke-Date material. Literally.
But it wasn’t just ensembles that needed vetting for dates of Coke. No, siree, Bob. You needed bonafide Coke-worthy shoes as well. And what better to marry that fizz than with leather moccasins, in five gay colors? You could get the traction you needed on asbestos-infused linoleum flooring. After all, you don’t want to spill the very drink for which you came.
The boys were home, Hitler was dead, and all was well on the western front. Time for snazzy frocks and fizzy drinks. Time to celebrate!
As Newsweek reported when this month began:
U.S. ALCOHOL SALES INCREASE 55 PERCENT IN ONE WEEK AMID CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC
Yes. I get that. I’ve had a few pints. But it’s not the pints I’m jonesing for.
What I want is Coke. A frosty Coke and then a refill of frosty Coke immediately afterward.
Both of their bottles.
Don’t I deserve to be “really refreshed?”
Coke is everywhere. It taunts me in the pages of my magazines and from the walls of the antique stores. Is that Jane Wyman? I don’t know. All I want is her Coke.
I don’t need two liters of Coke. That’s too big, and it loses carbonation the second you open it up.
Then again, it can’t be too small.
Now this one is just right.
Not until artist Haddon Sundblom illustrated Santa Claus for Coca-Cola advertisements in 1931, did Americans associate a large snowbearded man in a red suit with the image of Kris Kringle. Below is Sundblom, enjoying a frosty bottle of his labors.
Most of us grew up with the image he created and cannot fathom a slender Santa, much less one with dark hair or no facial hair at all. In 2015, this model tried to offer a trimmer version at Yorkdale Shopping Center in Toronto.
What do you think? Should Santa be svelte and hipster, rocking a Beat It jacket? Possibly even vegan?? I don’t think so. I like my Santa jolly and obese, and borderline diabetic from all that Coke and plates of cookies we leave out. I’d tell skinny Santa to beat it.
What dystopian circumstances have arisen that require these students to build a fire inside a library, presumably from the unread pages of old Encyclopedia Brittanicas? What chaos has ensued that they must sit in weakly-constructed patio chairs and grow their sloven bangs out just to retain head heat? Who can say? All we know is Pepsi was still not okay.
If you don’t recall, Pepsi was being steamrolled by Coke in the early 80s (and now and will continue be in the future), so Pepsi’s marketing department came up with the Pepsi Challenge, a simple taste test to give consumers the opportunity to take an unbiased challenge. Below is Mr. Kotter hosting such an event.
Please note that the last actor to allegedly enjoy Pepsi was named Joe Kielbasa. Sounds legit. (Actually, there are several dudes by that name on Facebook, although one is wearing a dress like a woman).
It’s a free country; drink what you like. Call it cola or soda or pop, whatever. But remember, waitresses never have to ask patrons, “Is Coke okay?” Because yes. Yes, it is.
Actually, it was during this very year of 1955 that Coca-Cola expanded its packaging from the standard 6.5-ounce contour bottle to include 10-, 12- and 26-ounce contour bottles in the U.S., giving consumers packaging options to meet their needs. My need for a Coke would never be 6.5. That’s like going to a Mexican restaurant and eating one chip with salsa.
This pinterest pic is trying to make the point that Coke adds belly fat.
I drink Coke. I have belly fat. But I also have no discipline and an overpowering sweet tooth, coupled with an inability to disobey Sprite Boy (who was only used in Coke ads, and had been discontinued by the time Sprite came on the market in 1961).
So guess what? I’m taking some home today.