Santa – I Don't Get It

Santa Packs On Pounds During Quarantine: Must Prepare For Countdown To Christmas

Like many of us, Santa has spent the last six months confined to his ornate mansion with elves/servants to meet his many needs. As a member of a high risk population, he made the wise decision to not leave his estate. However, his eating habits suffered, and consequently, he “shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly” more than ever before. With autumn’s arrival today, sources say he is focusing on tightening his core, to meet his Christmas Eve duties of navigating a sleigh and climbing in and out of chimneys. Word on the street is he tried both Tae Bo and P90X and found them too taxing. He has now taken to old VHS cassettes of “Sweating to the Oldies.” As of this writing, his shape is somewhat uneven.

But don’t fret for Mr. Claus; he’s been in the game for hundreds of years now, and he still has that Santa Swag that woos the ladies. The cap hides any receding hairline, and his red suit means he’s always soft to the touch.

Nonetheless, Santa is making his health a priority with heart-healthy veggies and lean meats. Don’t be surprised if you spot him at the North Pole 24 Fitness.

Santas Of 1949

Before we lived in a culture where some believed that asking your child to sit in Santa’s lap was a violation of personal rights, kids would line up at department stores to sit in the lap of jolly old Saint Nick and tell him what they wanted for Christmas, without having parents looming within earshot. The little boy in this Plymouth ad definitely has his dad’s back.

Let’s keep in mind that Coca-Cola had only decided what the now-iconic Santa should look like back in 1933, so tweaks were still being made. This Santa hat looks more like a jester cap. How fun is that squiggle of a holly detail?

Next, we have a very basic Santa rendering. He looks like might be about to sneeze, but he’s pointing to the gift of Leica, which should be at the top of your list.

Lastly, we have a rotund and active Santa (no sitting for him!). Fluffy beard? Check! Rosy cheeks? Check! Proper hat? Check! He appears to be unveiling a new fleet of trains.

So if you grew up watching Santa animation and cartoons…

…and got older and decided it was impossible for him to travel from chimney to chimney…

…just know that some of us still believe.

No Men On Second

Grand Gifts For Smokers

Christmas Day 1943 On Guadalcanal

Christmas Day didn’t feel very wintry to these WWII soldiers in the South Pacific. Santa braved the 90 degrees to dispense Red Cross gifts to Army and Marine hospitals and bring some holiday cheer to those missing their families back home.

Depression-Era Santa Starved From Lack Of Milk & Cookies

Actually, Santa wasn’t the one lacking that year. The UT Zeta house hosted a Christmas party for needy children, and a makeshift Santa proved too svelte for the outfit. It does make you wonder if folks left out perfectly good milk and cookies for Santa during the lean years.

The irony is that the tradition didn’t even START until the lean years. In an era of such economic hardship, many parents used the gesture as an example of generosity and gratitude for the gifts they would receive on Christmas Day. The Greatest Generation indeed.

Rare Pic Of Young Santa Reveals True Rizzle For The Sizzle

Because Coke Said That’s What Santa Looks Like

Not until artist Haddon Sundblom illustrated Santa Claus for Coca-Cola advertisements in 1931, did Americans associate a large snowbearded man in a red suit with the image of Kris Kringle. Below is Sundblom, enjoying a frosty bottle of his labors.

Most of us grew up with the image he created and cannot fathom a slender Santa, much less one with dark hair or no facial hair at all. In 2015, this model tried to offer a trimmer version at Yorkdale Shopping Center in Toronto.

What do you think? Should Santa be svelte and hipster, rocking a Beat It jacket? Possibly even vegan?? I don’t think so. I like my Santa jolly and obese, and borderline diabetic from all that Coke and plates of cookies we leave out. I’d tell skinny Santa to beat it.

In The Arms Of Santa

This WWII Santa doesn’t appear that much older than the doe-eyed toddler he’s holding. Volunteering from a university fraternity, he seems a bit smoother about the edges than his later counterpart in 1967, shown below.

Sideburns and skinny ties share the stage with both a plusher Santa beard and Santa suit, which appears to have been velveteened. Of course, not everyone can get the Santa gig. Some folks have to settle for holiday titles.