Fitness – I Don't Get It

Ayds Keeps You Trim

Mona, that’s all well and good, but before you get to the weight loss secret, please explain why your child appears to be both barefoot and topless in a nationwide ad-VERR-tiz-mint. Surely a Hollywood A-lister such as yourself could spring for a blouse and sandals, unless you spent all your money on Ayds.

Now, see here, we’d usually end this post at this point. But I fear you’ll go Googling Ms. Freeman, and you might wind up at WikiFeet by accident, as I did, a site for freaks who enjoy celebrity feet. So to spare you such heathenism, I’ll share this shot of Mona and Tony Curtis learning sign language on the set of the movie “Flesh and Fury,” wherein Curtis played a deaf-mute prizefighter.

And here she is with Roy and Dale, wearing a belted gingham dress that shows off her Ayds waist.

In this shot, she and Jane Russell talk smack about the peons at Paramount.

And finally, a shot of her with leading man, William Holden, while filming “The Streets of Laredo,” incidentally also the name of a New Zealand folk band.

Oh, to be young and lithe!

Santa Packs On Pounds During Quarantine: Must Prepare For Countdown To Christmas

Like many of us, Santa has spent the last six months confined to his ornate mansion with elves/servants to meet his many needs. As a member of a high risk population, he made the wise decision to not leave his estate. However, his eating habits suffered, and consequently, he “shakes when he laughs like a bowl full of jelly” more than ever before. With autumn’s arrival today, sources say he is focusing on tightening his core, to meet his Christmas Eve duties of navigating a sleigh and climbing in and out of chimneys. Word on the street is he tried both Tae Bo and P90X and found them too taxing. He has now taken to old VHS cassettes of “Sweating to the Oldies.” As of this writing, his shape is somewhat uneven.

But don’t fret for Mr. Claus; he’s been in the game for hundreds of years now, and he still has that Santa Swag that woos the ladies. The cap hides any receding hairline, and his red suit means he’s always soft to the touch.

Nonetheless, Santa is making his health a priority with heart-healthy veggies and lean meats. Don’t be surprised if you spot him at the North Pole 24 Fitness.

1933 Austin High School Tumbling Team

The AHS girls’ tumbling team consisted of these five ladies: Henderson, Remund, Silberstein, Piper, and McGill. Remund clearly was distracted.

For anyone familiar with Austin, you will recognize the capitol in the background, before the skyline was a jagged, crowded hodgepodge of skyscrapers.

I love the juxtaposition of the upside-down girls against the vintage cars, but it also raises many questions. Personally, I recall the discomfort of doing Jane Fonda aerobics in my high school cafeteria, especially when the boys walked past us during pelvic raises. One can only surmise how many citizens observed these antics as they passed by in the days prior to registered sex offenders, and how vulnerable these gals may have felt, limbs akimbo. Also, it looks quite painful! What are your thoughts?

Stout Is Out: Boys Don’t Make Passes At Flabby Flappers

You Sure Are Heavy, Mary

allamericanads-005

White Man’s Vertical

Come on. White men can jump would have been too easy. I dated a guy in college who was very proud of his vertical; he could high-five popcorn ceilings like nobody’s business. But he had nothing on this coach, who seems to have jumped up to groin level with the nearby player. Assistant varsity coach Bill Henneberry looks about 20 years old, not much older than the students at San Francisco’s Sacred Heart High School. And that’s part of why he made it happen.

According to jumpshigher.com,

If you’re between 17 and 30 and in a somewhat fitter than average population, here are some numbers to shoot for.

Average Vertical Leap of NCAA Div. 1 Football player: 29-31 inches.
Average Vertical Leap of NCAA Div. 1 Basketball player: 27-30 inches

Meanwhile, Michael Jordan had a reported 48″ vertical, but that’s still short of the amazing Kadour Ziani, the world record holder at 60″ vertical (though a lot of places say 56″).

Now maybe you’re not fit or between 17 and 30, but coach Henneberry was. Just look at this lift.

LifeOct10-55004 That’s some enthusiasm over blocking an extra point kick.

Ripped At Sixty

Actor-comedian Joe E. Brown gets toweled off by wife Kathryn at his Brentwood home in 1951. She doesn’t seem to mind his toned 60-year-old physique. The two were married 55 years until his death in 1973.

He was one of the most popular American comedians in the 1930s and 1940s, with successful films like A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Earthworm Tractors, and Alibi Ike. In his later career Brown starred in Some Like It Hot (1959), as Osgood Fielding III, in which he utters the famous punchline, “Well, nobody’s perfect.”

Doesn’t he look like the happiest camper ever? joe brown

Can you tell who the woman is here with him? I’d recognize her anywhere.

Paddleboarding On Lady Bird Lake

My gorgeous and fit friend, Brenda, paddleboarding, with view of Austin skyline

Why Boys Weren’t Fat In 1967

They did fancy diving board push-ups.

They headbutted one another in football. Sans helmet, of course.

They inverted their roommates, especially if he looked like James Dean.

And after a long day of strenuous activity, it was time to play cards.

Thighmaster: Level Tree Bark

The Blood of Young Runaways

How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It’s simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.–William Shatner

When you think of fitness, Jane Fonda or Denise Austin may come to mind. But no doubt William Shatner isn’t far behind.

Don't point that thing at me! — Don’t point that thing at me!

In the newest acquisition to my library…

…Shatner explains his health and fitness secrets.

In the last thirty years, his metabolism slowed, as metabolisms do. Here he is retrieving a discarded french fry on a Hawaiian beach.

But this is nothing new. Folks have made mockery of his midsection for many years.

In fact, Captain Kirk appears to be sickened by the mere thought of Sweating to the Oldies.

www.aoltv.com (does AOL even exist any more?) — http://www.aoltv.com

Uh-oh! Someone got a little too close to that flame!

Actually, the flame was due less to Richard Simmons and more to the perils of frying turkey for Thanksgiving, which Shatner discusses here:

Flame-free and portly, he’s still truckin’ at 82 years old (and several months older than Regis!). Last year, he performed in a one-man show on Broadway, called Shatner’s World: We Just Live in It, and he makes consistent appearances on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Clearly, he’s having the last laugh.

Not bad for a Canadian.

Still The Boss

Get a load of those proud roosters…

http://nypost.com/2013/09/21/joseph-gordon-levitt-tony-danza-reunite-in-don-jon/

Most of us remember Antonio Salvatore Ladanza from his TV series Taxi or later, Who’s The Boss? but Tony Danza is also an accomplished boxer, tap dancer, and Broadway actor. And as you can see from the picture above, in his latest movie, Don Jon, this 62-year-old is still pretty ripped. He explained that he did nothing to prepare physically for the role,; he maintains this level of fitness from his years as a prize fighter. But I have a celebrity fitness book from 1983 that reveals his secret:

“YOU CAN STAY IN SHAPE WITH JUST SEX AND NOTHING ELSE. THEN, YOU CAN EAT ALL THE MACARONI YOU WANT.”

At the time, he was still acting on Taxi with Marilu Henner, who has said that he wanted to “drill a hole through her dressing room wall.” Apparently, this misplaced testosterone could lead to barroom brawls, if not directed into workouts. Here he is punching a speed bag.

I particularly enjoyed the last line of the interview: “I’m self-conscious because I’m getting older–I just turned 32.” Scoff if you will, but many celebrities never made it past the age of 32: Karen Carpenter and Cass Elliot (talk about night and day), as well as Bruce Lee, Keith Moon, and one of the guys in Milli Vanilli. Congratulations, Tony, on maintaining your fitness in the 30 years since this was published. And here’s to 30 more. Buon lavoro!

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