Month: July 2018

The Baby So Cute, You Want To Eat It

by James C. Richardson

At first glance, it’s a combination of everything most ladies crave: carbs and infants. The bakers appear tickled by the appearance of this abandoned babe. And in a sense, little Mairi Chisholm was indeed abandoned in Selkirk, Scotland in 1996. But as the National Geographic article noted, it was common for mothers to leave infants unattended as they went off on brief shopping forays, believing them to be free of danger in the small town.

No modern-day American mother should ever do such a thing. I wouldn’t have even left my baby in an infant carrier in ANOTHER room in my own house. Unless he was sleeping in his crib, he was always supervised. Never left outside alone to pick something up and choke. Never left in a pool to drown, nor a hot car to perish as happens every single year. How reprehensible to leave a baby in a car unattended, with or without air conditioning. I would never leave my purse alone in my car to run inside the 7-11, much less a child. And how much more precious is that?

But for little Mairi in small Selkirk, a town with STILL less than 6,000 people, it all worked out. Mommy got her errands done and perhaps a loaf of bread when she was done. But here is my question: what if Mairi cried? Who attended to her? Could anyone available change her diaper? Was a bottle of formula left at her feet? I can’t even imagine.

Not Quite Muskrat Love

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/

This happy family is full of love, but they aren’t muskrats. These are.

https://planetsave.com

Chubby little things, aren’t they?

“Muskrat Love” was a love song from the bicentennial year, which peaked at #4 with the Captain & Tennille’s version.  No, it doesn’t make any sense.

muskrat love

You can see below how the silliness seeped forth. Note Tennille’s pageboy bob, popular at the time.

Toni_Tennille_Captain_And_Tennile_Muskrat_Love_
http://www.singsnap.com

While the song does not deserve a listen, the video is worth it, if not for Toni’s beautiful smile and rich voice–and Daryl’s absolutely wretched keyboard noises. Ultimately, love did not keep them together, and Daryl is no longer doing that to her one more time, but such is life. No?

Hot Town, Squalor In The City

An American Moment by Harris

Waking up in a city that doesn’t sleep and finding they’re at the bottom of the heap, they still manage to find some merriment and hone their cocktail-making skills.

And the spray of a nearby fire hydrant couldn’t hurt…

 

Things That Don’t Pair Well With Wine: That Outfit

Long Island winery from “An American Moment” by Harris

Why am I so salty on the sabbath? Is it the 100+ heat with no chance of a cloud until mid-October? Perhaps I just can’t process why this vintner chose to put that ensemble together.

“Okay, Carol, focus, focus! The magazine is coming today, and they’re going to take some pictures, so I’ll just build my outfit, starting with shoes. These sandals are so smart! What goes with this coral shade? Ah, yes, my old artist’s smock–the one with sleeves that go past my weenus. What’s next? The plaid navy skirt that makes me look bulky despite my thin frame. Marvelous. Done.”

To be fair, salmon and navy are on trend this season. Just not in the same proportion.

http://sperr.us

In fact, my last dress purchased was a navy/salmon print. That salmon is so current. Or is it against current? 😉

Who knew you could even get SHOES in said colors?

http://www.freetrainer3-0.org.uk

Just perfect for the petite jogging woman who needs to add three inches of height as she pounds pavement!

Before Summers Were 110 Degrees

An American Moment by Harris

Those of you alive during the summers of the 1980s might recall how high-cut swimsuits were, with fabric barely meeting at the hipbone. These two young ladies seem to be enjoying the golden hour of a Rhode Island summer’s eve. Props for the two-tier gold necklace. Did she wear that into the water?

Misquamicut Beach

When Helen Was A Popular Name

In days of yore, both high school and university yearbooks included many pages of the campus’s most attractive dames. The 1933 Austin High School Comet was no exception. Let’s start with the freshman.

How equestrian! How polished! How elegant!

Now on to the sophomores.

Check out the razzle-dazzle art deco framing their pics. I guess most high school girls owned riding crops. Now we see the juniors, both named Helen.

And there are no 12A or B favorites, oddly. Just Essie Mae Wentworth, Queen of the Spring Festival.

When Everyone Dresses Like Criminal Bonnie Parker

Comet33--004
1933 Comet

Pictured above are the Austin High School 1933 Girl Reserves. I wasn’t clear what exactly “girl reserves” were (what came to mind was not pleasant), so I searched for clarity. According to the yearbook, their “aim” was to “find and give the best.” Their flower is listed as the “phlox” and their colors as “blue and white.” Seems like a lot of wasted information to me. Perhaps they were reserving the truth?

Below is the group of Sodalitas Latina. Motto: Esse quam videri. I am guessing the boys up front are freshmen, as they hardly look a day older than 14.

Along with the German Club, the Motion Picture Club (motion pictures being about the same age as the teachers), and TWO Nature Science Clubs, there was also this Golden R Readers Club, with one happy boy and several angry girls. Ralph appears to be mid-prank.

Not to be outdone by R’s, I present the Order of the Golden A, comprised of those who have achieved non-athletic interscholastic victory.

This one is a hoot. The front row middle girl is being held hostage by the iron fists of the Dead Center. Then we have Messy Martha, second from the left, who is not only scowling through lenses, but clutching her handbag protectively. Further to the right is that amazing three button dress.

Lastly, I share the Austin High Student Council–in two pieces, so you can really climb in there and check them out. Those pockets! That ruffle! What kind of Depression was this?

This shot is really just to appreciate Angry Eyebrows and Odd-Stance McCrary there, both in the front row (or as they called it, the FIFTH row, since the Top Row was in the back and there was no Front Row). If one thing is certain, it’s that those two aren’t dating.

 

 

Back To Cool

The evil big-box stores have already stocked their aisles with back-to-school items, an affront to all American children, trying their durndest to enjoy the apex of global warming seasons. As a parent of a teen, my days of purchasing Elmer’s Glue and huffing markers and dull scissors are over, but we’re still expected to pony up for supplies. Evidently, $7000 in property taxes on a mighty modest home does not cover Kleenex.

To all this mid-summer school rigmarole, I at least ask the makers of supplies to look backwards for inspiration, and not to the future. This ad makes education positively dreamy.

http://www.metv.com

Let’s not forget that Donny nor David would give you the time of day if you weren’t svelte. Lace stockings look gauche on thicc (yes, thicc) thighs.

http://www.metv.com

But what if you’re too thin, and you need to bulk up? Simply sport a Hugh Downs jacket!

Pinterest

Hugh Downs was a once-relevant broadcaster who is still kicking it at 97. Look how attractive his family is, wearing bulky red-orange. And who’s the lady fondling his son’s hood? Go back to Paris, Simone.

Maybe you’re too young and hip to wear anything from an old fuddy-duddy and his family. Maybe you’re avant garde like Pat Boone, who lives life on the cutting edge.

Dressing like Pat Boone ensures that girls think you are a liberal arts professor. And maybe they’re into that kind of thing. Remember, remember, you’re mine… Wow, he really did wear white shoes.

Speaking of white, perhaps you missed my earlier post on putting more sugar in Lisa. Here’s another misguided Sugar Information ad, advising moms to put more sugar in their teens, so they can become slovenly-dressed sugar-swinging freaks–just in time for back to school!

Turtles don’t need seat belts, y’all. They just don’t.

Home On The Range

I’m not a desert person. The closest thing to a desert that I enjoy is “Desert Moon” by Dennis DeYoung. But for many folks, the old west (and the new west) holds a certain fascination. My youngest aunt would love nothing more than to climb up hot, dirty rocks in oppressive heat, surrounded by cacti and reptiles that want to kill her, till the cows come home.

No, gracias.

All images from “Way Out West” by the Sterns

I know I’m known for not getting it, but I can see the allure of this image: the mesmerizing fire, Lassie shaking hands with Old Shep, some Hawaiian guy wearing an aloha shirt (why?), the chuck wagon, Alice from “The Brady Brunch” available to stoke the fire. But sitting in dirt? Pass.

Who wants to sit in dirt? Do you really think this family is enjoying sitting in dirt in this God-awful stretch of Tucson? The six-pack of soda is already hot. The ants are halfway up the watermelon rinds. Little Suzy has a rattler not five inches from her sandals. Are there no picnic benches in Tucson? I can already feel my underwire getting sweaty. This looks miserable.

Modern-day tourist sites use this image to try to lure you into the Sonoran Desert.

Tucson Today
http://www.toursales.com

While I agree that rainbows are pretty, we have them here twice a year when it rains. I would think treehuggers would avoid this area at all costs. Oak trees, cottonwoods, magnolias–all huggable. Cacti not so much. Mesquite and scrub brush? Not so fun. But again–to each her own. I contend I would definitely enjoy the LOW HUMIDITY.

Finally–the sun has set! Sunrise, sunburn, sunset repeat. Fortunately, this cowgirl gets to sit on a blanket to enjoy her Coke under the full moon. And maybe the elder cowhand can scooch so she can have some alone time with young Hank. Can’t you just see them ripping their scarves off and tossing them into the arid night?

Maybe all this makes you want to saddle up a bronc or throw your chaps and spurs on, but all it makes me want to do is stop by the local 7-11 to take advantage of their 2 for $3 Gatorade special. It’s all so dehydrating.

giphy.com
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