Living In The Present
Keeping up with teenspeak is hard. It’s enough that technology is ever changing, and staying abreast of all the texting acronyms can be exhausting. As soon as you graduate high school, you become more and more out of touch with popular culture. Adulting comes with new responsibilities, and there is no time (or context) to stay on top of new trending terms. Even if you DO learn juvy jargon, you sound foolish saying, “Whatevs” or yelling “Yeet!” these days. But you do it anyway, if you are a parent or a teacher, to make the children uncomfortable, and to show them that you have a thin, however out of context, grasp on NOW.
But you do not. You cannot. There’s too much to stay on top of. For example, you may be aware that Adidas are the cool shoes and that only white soles are acceptable, but you (in your adultness) need arch support and crosstrainers, so you wear Dad shoes. “Dad shoes” are a thing. Google it. Teens love to dis Dad shoes. They are the chunky peanut butter to the creamy, sleek, current styles. Teens do not wear New Balance. You may even think you are cool and say, “Damn, Daniel” at shoes, but that is so 2000 and late, which in itself is an antiquated reference and makes me #tired. PS, hashtags are so over. If you don’t know what any of this means, your kids are probably grown. These are Dad shoes, and a teen would not be caught dead in them.
Parent a teen is exhausting in itself, but trying to keep up with their music is beyond demanding. Isn’t it enough that I watched Post Malone on the Elvis special last week? (Yep, he’s the rapper with the face tats.) Did y’all catch that last week? It honored the 50 year anniversary of Elvis’s ’68 Comeback Special. FIFTY YEARS. You know, the one where he wore all black leather. I watched it, staying open-minded and seeing Post pic and play in his yellow suit, which reminded me of Nudie suits of yore. And son of a gun, if he wasn’t pretty good. But it’s hard to like new music.
All this to say, I learned a new thing today (realizing that most whippersnappers already know this and are horrified that I just learned it), but I’m sharing it with those other out-of-touchers, as I would hope you would Golden Rule me and keep me abreast of the things.
Yes, I was today years old (that’s another thing they say) when I learned TL;DR (too long; didn’t read). It’s a comment people make on a long-winded post, which is IRONIC because this post is already so long! It’s the very essence of TL;DR. You should call me Post MaLONG. See how lame that sounds? That’s because old people puns are cringey. I know because my teen tells me every day. TL;DR even has its own wikipedia on Twitter.
So that’s it for today, peeps. Go out into the interwebs and use your new abbreviation. TTYL.
*And don’t you dare comment TL;DR! 😉
The Baby So Cute, You Want To Eat It
At first glance, it’s a combination of everything most ladies crave: carbs and infants. The bakers appear tickled by the appearance of this abandoned babe. And in a sense, little Mairi Chisholm was indeed abandoned in Selkirk, Scotland in 1996. But as the National Geographic article noted, it was common for mothers to leave infants unattended as they went off on brief shopping forays, believing them to be free of danger in the small town.
No modern-day American mother should ever do such a thing. I wouldn’t have even left my baby in an infant carrier in ANOTHER room in my own house. Unless he was sleeping in his crib, he was always supervised. Never left outside alone to pick something up and choke. Never left in a pool to drown, nor a hot car to perish as happens every single year. How reprehensible to leave a baby in a car unattended, with or without air conditioning. I would never leave my purse alone in my car to run inside the 7-11, much less a child. And how much more precious is that?
But for little Mairi in small Selkirk, a town with STILL less than 6,000 people, it all worked out. Mommy got her errands done and perhaps a loaf of bread when she was done. But here is my question: what if Mairi cried? Who attended to her? Could anyone available change her diaper? Was a bottle of formula left at her feet? I can’t even imagine.
What could possibly go wrong in this topless trunk, balancing on the back seat?
This next one looks like little more than cardboard and a strap.
If baby just wants to chill, baby can recline with an extra pillow and a lap belt.
You’d think the idea of “just turn it around” would create all kinds of neck injuries upon impact. I’ve never seen a car like this, so I guess the idea never took off.
Nope. Here’s the headline from a July 2015 article: Volvo Takes Kids’ Safety To New Heights, Showcases Customised XC90 SUV Featuring Innovative Baby Seat.
What do you think? Does this look safe for baby? What if Jumpsuit Barbie flings all 105 lbs of her waxed body into him at a hard stop? Would that be a good idea? And won’t Barbie be silently resenting her position, relegated to the back seat, second priority in Ken’s life? That’s got to mess with her psyche. I don’t see it happening, Volvo.