Culture, Fun, Funny, Humor

Living In The Present

Keeping up with teenspeak is hard. It’s enough that technology is ever changing, and staying abreast of all the texting acronyms can be exhausting. As soon as you graduate high school, you become more and more out of touch with popular culture. Adulting comes with new responsibilities, and there is no time (or context) to stay on top of new trending terms. Even if you DO learn juvy jargon, you sound foolish saying, “Whatevs” or yelling “Yeet!” these days. But you do it anyway, if you are a parent or a teacher, to make the children uncomfortable, and to show them that you have a thin, however out of context, grasp on NOW.

But you do not. You cannot. There’s too much to stay on top of. For example, you may be aware that Adidas are the cool shoes and that only white soles are acceptable, but you (in your adultness) need arch support and crosstrainers, so you wear Dad shoes. “Dad shoes” are a thing. Google it. Teens love to dis Dad shoes. They are the chunky peanut butter to the creamy, sleek, current styles. Teens do not wear New Balance. You may even think you are cool and say, “Damn, Daniel” at shoes, but that is so 2000 and late, which in itself is an antiquated reference and makes me #tired. PS, hashtags are so over. If you don’t know what any of this means, your kids are probably grown. These are Dad shoes, and a teen would not be caught dead in them.

Parent a teen is exhausting in itself, but trying to keep up with their music is beyond demanding. Isn’t it enough that I watched Post Malone on the Elvis special last week? (Yep, he’s the rapper with the face tats.) Did y’all catch that last week? It honored the 50 year anniversary of Elvis’s ’68 Comeback Special. FIFTY YEARS. You know, the one where he wore all black leather. I watched it, staying open-minded and seeing Post pic and play in his yellow suit, which reminded me of Nudie suits of yore. And son of a gun, if he wasn’t pretty good. But it’s hard to like new music.

All this to say, I learned a new thing today (realizing that most whippersnappers  already know this and are horrified that I just learned it), but I’m sharing it with those other out-of-touchers, as I would hope you would Golden Rule me and keep me abreast of the things.

Yes, I was today years old (that’s another thing they say) when I learned TL;DR (too long; didn’t read). It’s a comment people make on a long-winded post, which is IRONIC because this post is already so long! It’s the very essence of TL;DR. You should call me Post MaLONG. See how lame that sounds? That’s because old people puns are cringey. I know because my teen tells me every day. TL;DR even has its own wikipedia on Twitter.

So that’s it for today, peeps. Go out into the interwebs and use your new abbreviation. TTYL.

 

*And don’t you dare comment TL;DR! 😉

Fun, Funny, Travel

Pineapple Breakdown

The word “pineapple” in English was first recorded to describe the reproductive organs of conifer trees (now termed pine cones). When European explorers discovered this tropical fruit in the Americas, they called them “pineapples” (first referenced in 1664, for resemblance to the pine cone). So says the Great and Powerful Oz. I mean wikipedia.

So that’s it. That’s why a fruit that is neither pine nor apple is called pineapple. End of story. Next stop: eggplant.

But in the course of my brief pineapple study, I disovered a site which marries the two: Pineapples and Pinecones, purveyors of fine travel. This made me sad because:

a) I don’t use the word purvey enough. If being a purveyor means you provide something, then I suppose I provide old pictures. Just typing the word is weird. It looks pervy.

b) I’ve never been privy to “fine travel.”

The website “purveys” cruises (never been on one, but I watched umpteen seasons of  “The Love Boat,” followed by “Fantasy Island”). They offer custom touring (never done that either). They “would be pleased to tailor an itinerary” to me. Has anyone ever said those words to you? They should only be said in an uppity accent. The only thing tailored for me was my bridal gown, and the shop screwed that up big time. But that’s another story.

After I shake down our money tree in the backyard, I can take that schmancy cruise and blog about my “cultural shore excursions.” I’d tell you about the lovely welcome-aboard cocktail reception I received as I boarded the Golden Princess and the awe-inspiring Fiji sunset views at night. I would share how we laughed with the captain and sang showtunes from the movie South Pacific and I would mimic washing a man right out of my hair, and it would be a gay old time. And I could talk to the ex-senator and his wife, who seem to be enjoying retirement.

Pineapples & Pinecones

But for now (sigh) the closest I can get is a hot bath and some pineapple juice. Cheers.