Could there be a more fetching color than kelly green? I think not. And “if you want to make like 1947” (which we all do, let’s be honest), then you’d do well to keep a longer hem. See below for more tips on how to be slimmed out like a soda straw.
It’s February 12, 1964, and nobody in New York City cares a farthing that it’s Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. The Beatles have just arrived in NYC, and frenzied Beatlemaniacs across the street from New York’s Plaza Hotel are losing. Their. Minds.
I have enough 1940s yearbooks to confirm that Sadie Hawkins dances, based on the then-popular L’il Abner strip, were a HUGE DEAL. Nowadays, not so much. In fact, my son’s high school had one scheduled earlier this month, and it was cancelled due to low ticket sales. Eight tickets, to be exact. And keep in mind, all the other dances have been packed.
What does that say about today’s youth? Aren’t women enlightened enough to ask boys to the dance? That’s the whole point of it. Or is it an outdated concept altogether, since boys now ask boys and girls ask girls? Every high school around here has its share of transgender kids who were named Katie in 8th grade and now go by Collin. Or perhaps teens just don’t like donning hillbilly garb–although I think they nixed that part long ago. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen anyone in overalls in a few decades.
The evil big-box stores have already stocked their aisles with back-to-school items, an affront to all American children, trying their durndest to enjoy the apex of global warming seasons. As a parent of a teen, my days of purchasing Elmer’s Glue and huffing markers and dull scissors are over, but we’re still expected to pony up for supplies. Evidently, $7000 in property taxes on a mighty modest home does not cover Kleenex.
To all this mid-summer school rigmarole, I at least ask the makers of supplies to look backwards for inspiration, and not to the future. This ad makes education positively dreamy.
Let’s not forget that Donny nor David would give you the time of day if you weren’t svelte. Lace stockings look gauche on thicc (yes, thicc) thighs.
But what if you’re too thin, and you need to bulk up? Simply sport a Hugh Downs jacket!
Hugh Downs was a once-relevant broadcaster who is still kicking it at 97. Look how attractive his family is, wearing bulky red-orange. And who’s the lady fondling his son’s hood? Go back to Paris, Simone.
Maybe you’re too young and hip to wear anything from an old fuddy-duddy and his family. Maybe you’re avant garde like Pat Boone, who lives life on the cutting edge.
Dressing like Pat Boone ensures that girls think you are a liberal arts professor. And maybe they’re into that kind of thing. Remember, remember, you’re mine… Wow, he really did wear white shoes.
Speaking of white, perhaps you missed my earlier post on putting more sugar in Lisa. Here’s another misguided Sugar Information ad, advising moms to put more sugar in their teens, so they can become slovenly-dressed sugar-swinging freaks–just in time for back to school!
Turtles don’t need seat belts, y’all. They just don’t.
Okay, so it doesn’t look like Papa Joe Jackson (RIP), but it absolutely looks like Holly Hunter circa “Raising Arizona” (desperately in need of some sun). However, it’s just teachers chaperoning a high school dance. Thank God THIS teacher put on a happy face for the dance.
Do you remember those AWFUL cheap plastic cups? Yikes.
Take a look at the students. Do these look like the kind of kids that even NEED chaperoning?
Of course they do! Poor Midget…
You won’t find a pay phone in a high school these days.
What festive autumn colors! Sixteen-year-old Jacqueline LaVigne, aka Miss Vermont, took part in several 4-H canning projects, using tomatoes from her Essex Center garden. Check out that plastic apron!
This beauty had her hands full at the State Fair in Indianapolis. She was one of the 1,760,000 boys and girls taking part in 4-H Clubs in 1948. During WWII, 4-H club members canned 74 MILLION quarts of food.
But it wasn’t only 4-H members canning. Home canning reached its peak in 1943, with over 4.1 billion jars canned in homes and community canning centers (Bentley, 1998).
This young man may look like the king of his castle, but surely his folks wouldn’t approve of filched funeral home signs. Does anyone say “filched” anymore? Let’s bring that back. Note his tastes: cards, Popeye, and George Petty pin-up girls. Seems pretty blue-blooded American to me.
What are these keen teens up to? Is it dancing, diving, or snake-charming? Perhaps it’s proof that Odo-Ro-No works?
I guess the name is meant to imply there is no odor, but it looks more like “Odor? Oh, no!” Maybe that’s why it disappeared…
Some folks don’t like the aluminum in deodorant (thinking it may be linked to cancer and Alzheimer’s disease), but what’s the alternative? I was in line the other day, downwind from a woman who reeked of what is best described as wet, hot polecat. I fought to keep my lunch down. But hey, some folks dig it.
What do you think? Thumbs up to musky partner pits? I think I’ll pass. Especially when it’s 101 degrees here today.