When I See People Not Practicing Social Distancing
Category: Funny
Who’s Ready To Get Out Of Quarantine?
Today we spotlight the students of WHHS in 1978. “Let us out! Let us out!” they shout to the hills.
Maybe you’re feeling like this girl right now. You can’t even.
Maybe you’re delirious with cabin fever, or you’re wearing the same shirt three days in a row, the one in desperate need of spot treatment with stain remover. Seriously, you need to Shout that out, girl.
No doubt about it, emotions are running high these days.
There might even be some name-calling going on.
But you can still make an effort to communicate with your spouse, maybe over a couple of Dr. Peppers.
Ladies, there’s no excuse not to don your “Foxy Lady” belt to entice him during quarantine.
Especially if he’s a super hunk.
And if he’s not feeling randy, you can always spend time with a good book.
Just remember: we’re in this together, and before long, we’ll all be hanging out again.
But for now, we’ll have to make do with drive-by waving.
Eye On The Prize
She’s not listening to a word about Ken’s board meeting. Why? Because Old Forester, that’s why. It’s not called Old Banker for a reason, Ken.
But Meg’s not the only with her eye on the prize.
Behold, Irish eyes are smiling. And why wouldn’t they be? It’s a lovely day to be outdoors in the piney woods, jaunty green hat askew, sporting a thick gold wedding band, smell of beef charring in the air. Somehow, there’s an endless tap of beer in the park. Keep it flowing.
Why? Because dextrins and maltose and B-complex vitamins, like your doctor said. It does a body good, and pairs well with burgers and horseshoes. Cheers to healthful values!
Chevro-Lay On Top Of Me Because That’s Normal
I guess I don’t get the artistic vision of this ad. To me, I see a car unable to simply cross a shallow stream, a driver who has abandoned his vehicle, and a half-naked woman pressed against the windshield, foot whimsically in the air, brick at her side.
Of course, that’s sexist. SHE could have very well been the driver when the LSD kicked in. She drove right into a creek. She took her clothes off. She got on top of the car to get a better view of the melting dancing hippos inside. But the brick? I don’t get it.
That’s One Way To Social Distance
Ripsnortin’ And Rootin’ Tootin’
As you can well see, we are less than a month until All Western Days. I realize we are in a bit of pandemic pickle as of late, but I see no reason to cancel every event everywhere, especially if it proves to be ripsnortin’. Don’t let it put a hitch in your giddyup.
Desperate Times Call For Desperate Bottled Water Alternative
Perhaps your grocery shelves are bare of bottled water thanks to the numero 19 virus . The good news is that it flows in the pipes in your home. Is it nasty? Put a couple filters on it, like we do. We have the best-tasting agua in the neighborhood.
But should your water supply run low (perhaps you are out and about, as the CDC has scolded us not to, even though it’s Spring Break, and most breaks have now become four weeks instead of one, and no sane teenager is going to stay home for a one month vacation, so off to spread some virus they shall go), remember that Coors Light is basically the same thing. Just worse.
Washing Is The Worst
Easter Crucifix Hairdos Offer Form Over Function
I know what you’re thinking.
#extra
In fairness, these Aborigines were all gussied up for the corroborree (lively social gathering), where they had plans to perform a “wild duck dance” wearing said grass and feather head ornaments.
They don’t look too thrilled about the pending festivities. Personally, I wouldn’t chance the neck pain or misalignment of the spine that such weight could cause. And that’s why I don’t get invited to corroborrees.
What A Girl Wants, What A Girl Needs
Ooh, la la, ladies! Somebody just upped the charm bracelet game! Look how beautifully it lays (or is it lies?) against the skin. What’s not a lie is how it will subliminally encourage you to eat protein each time it scrapes against the keyboard as you type.
It compliments any outfit you have in shades of peanut shell or Baptist red brick. It’s nutty, all right.
During this time of Easter and resurrection, it’s important to remember that Mr. Peanut did NOT in fact die for good, but was (as the Super Bowl commercial revealed) reborn by the tears of the Kool-Aid Man (oh, yeah!) in a much less spiritual or legitimate manner.
Bless Their Howdy Doody Hearts
Freckled marionette Howdy Doody was kind of a big deal at the onset of the 50s, so it was no surprise that LIFE magazine hosted a lookalike contest. 
Wondering what galluses were? A pair of suspenders. Nobody says that now.
Poor kids. Surely George Ford grew into those ears. I imagine he never lived this article down. Pity.
The winner was five year old Billy Oltmann (Old Man at this point). Cute as a button in his bandana and western wear!
Time to celebrate his big win with Hostess Twinkies!
Where Are They Now? Cindy Lou Who Falls On Hard Times
Y’all know I love proboscis monkeys.
Young ones and female ones have smaller noses.
But even a snub nose can frighten!
By the time a male reaches adulthood, he possesses quite the appendage.
It doesn’t slow him down.
In fact, scientists say that droopy snout actually is there to impress the ladies.
And to distract from stained, unseemly incisors.
Who could resist this alluring fellow?
I Don't Get It 