We Buy Lizard

Charles Wharton for Nat Geo 9/48

Seems a bit steep for a cagwang (flying lemur), but let’s recognize that these prices are in Filipino money. A four foot sawa (python) could run you $1.50 in US money, up to $37.50 for a 28 foot specimen. Here we see two Filipino men holding a reticulated python and a crested serpent eagle.

PETA Taps Tesla To Build Time Machine So They Can Retroactively Sue Peggy Paige For Speciesism

April 1947

“No monkeying with this price?” Watch out there, Peggy Paige! While you were busy making clothing for folks who were still dealing with the fallout of WWII, using your taxes to support countries ravaged by war and fascism, trying to bring a bit of merriment to the widows and families of the millions of dead military heroes with a colorful printed frock, you forgot to prioritize the most important thing: never ever use a animal-related verb because it makes PETA petulant. Oh, is THAT where they got their name from? I won’t share the list that PETA posted this week, as it’s too ridonkulous to perpetuate. Suffice to say that if you ever told anyone they were hogging the mashed potatoes, you unjustly used an offensive slur, and there’s a good chance you’re a white supremacist. PETA thinks animals have been secretly becoming fluent in human language, solely to learn to interpret metaphors as hate speech and consequently be offended. Sorry, animals don’t have time for that, especially fat, lazy pigs. Yeah, I said it. I’d call PETA batship crazy but that might force them into the fetal position. Guess I’ll just say they’re full of guano.

And for anyone who’d like to hear a more nuanced perspective, feel free to check out JP.

Whither My Horse Goeth, So, Too, I

Nat Geo 2/33

A horse and rider confidently walk upon the sturdy snow on the roof of Paradise Inn on Mount Ranier.

In the current image from Park Ranger John, you can see that the entrance has hardly changed, minus the snow drifts and one lanky cowboy.

I would imagine that this era of rules and regulations has ushered in a “no horses on the roof” policy. But it must have been a hoot back then!

Turning Tail

Nat Geo 6/67

After a series of snubs and inefficient service by rude waiters in Sanary, France, followed by a très oversalted beef bourguignon, visiting elephants literally turn tail and wade into the salty sea, headed east toward Switzerland.  A spokesman for said elephants said they will never summer in France again.

The Downlow “Love It Or List It” Plant Shot

If y’all are big HGTV “Love It Or List It” watchers like we are, you’re familiar with this shot, the sneaky “eavesdropping on the couple as they chat” shot, taken either behind a kitchen plant or a neighborhood tree. As for this couple, I’m pretty sure they’ll love it.

Independence Day Lizard

I was blessed this morning to catch this little guy in our garage this morning, while my husband cleaned car mats with a new Home Depot extension brush (from a Father’s Day gift card, as we usually go to Lowe’s). I ran inside to grab my Nikon and was fortunate enough to catch him as he pumped himself up to let all the local females know with whom they’re dealing.

How To Further Complicate Your 2020

by Newell F Johnstone, May 1932

Need to spice up your crappy 2020? Get a coatimundi, aka the hog-nosed coon. Just stick a collar on him, secure a leash, take him to a dog park, and see what happens. It couldn’t be any worse than what’s already happened this year. Imagine the possibilities: you could contract coronavirus or pass it on to someone else standing near you. If they’re not wearing a mask, that’s on them. Don’t let anyone tell you he’s not welcome in their dog park. Who cares if he’s a safety risk? It’s not fair to keep him out. Parks should be more inclusive.

Maybe a dog there is a carrier! Maybe a Great Dane will try to mate him, and he will defend himself and tear that Dane to pieces. Uh-oh! Liability issues. Now the media is involved. Perhaps someone will be offended by the sight or smell of your coati and call the cops. Wait? The cops were defunded? Who’s answering 911 now? Who can they dispatch to?

He sure is cute, though. If you purchase one as a pet, just know that Purina won’t work for this guy. Make sure to provide fish and ants, as well as eggs and sugar. Coatis looove sugar. He was not made to eat a vegan diet, so don’t push your agenda on him. And don’t get angry if he comes at you like a spider monkey; it’s in his nature. He can’t transition into a chill sloth or a domestic cat. He’s stuck in the skin he was born in. Don’t try and forcefeed him Zoloft or Latuda or push meditation practices on him to quell his biting tendencies. Believe me, when he sinks his teeth into your skin, he is fully present. Fair warning: he may give in to his bandit ways, and like a coon, pillage your neighbor’s trashcan. Just make sure he doesn’t get caught or he may wind up shot and stuffed. Trespassing is against the law, after all.

If so, make lemonade from lemons, maybe a nice purse or gloves from his fur. But don’t tell PETA!! In fact, don’t tell anyone anything, because they may get offended.

giphy.com

Coot For Sale Here

Nat Geo, Aug ’64

Mint condition coot! Comes with cardigan, plaid pants, shined shoes, and pool rake!

Actually, Dr. George R. Starr, Jr wasn’t the coot; his coot decoys were. At this point, he had a collection of 1,000 decoys, mostly ducks, but some swans. Yep, he was so wild about them that he wrote a book in ’78 called How to Make Working Decoys. His son, Gary, continues the tradition at starrdecoys.com, if any of you should find yourselves in need of some fake ducks.