When You Order Queso For Yourself But Your Friends Think It’s For The Table

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No, It’s MY Turtle

We’ve all been there, right? Stuck in a boat, wearing our wifebeater and cuffed dungarees, wrestling a half-naked man for rights to the Galapagos Island sea turtle… Actually, these were 1949 National Geographic staffers, who had initially been searching for land turtles, but came up empty-handed. Nice work if you can get it.

Snoopy Was A Carnivore Who Probably Ate Horses

Painting done not by Norman Rockwell, but Douglass Crockwell. Seriously.

Ah, yes. In the years before talk of puppy mills and Pit Bulls & Parolees, folks would go to the Pet Shop and actually procure puppies there, not just on the days when the Humane Society pimped strays on Saturdays. Can’t you just smell their little puppy breath and the softness of their puppy heads? This is part of a 1956 ad for Friskies.

Now, I’ve had plenty of dogs in my day, and they all liked meat. Carrots, no. Cabbage, wouldn’t touch it. Celery, forget it. But chicken and beef and pork? Yes. Basically any of the Chipotle proteins, dogs like. Now in case you didn’t skim the ad up top, it says Friskies contains “lean red horse meat.” Yum! Giddyup! So we can safely assume those beagle puppies were into horsemeat. It makes me wonder about Jemima. Jemima was the beagle we lost last year to cancer, and she looked nothing like Snoopy, who is also purportedly a beagle. Even this Pinterest image shows you that Snoopy and beagles have hardly anything in common. But I bet they’d both eat horse meat.

And turkey.

And bacon and eggs.

Maybe, just maybe, they’d both like watermelon for dessert, like this happy beagle.

But then it’s strictly back to horse meat.

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Varmint Vessel

Passing through Lampasas, Texas, we stopped into Rustler’s Junction and noted these taxidermied critters. Taxidermy ain’t cheap, y’all. That boat of animals was priced just under two grand.

How about this guy, getting into the Cracker Jacks? Even post-mortem, they’re STILL sneaky little buggers!