Humor – Page 94 – I Don't Get It

Long Island Body Double

I came across this photo of Miss Catalina Lozano in a 1967 yearbook for the Schreiner Institute. I had to do a double-take, as she looks eerily like the daughter of Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium.

At the time the yearbook portrait was taken, Theresa Caputo had yet to be born. But I’d venture to say Catalina looks more like Victoria than Theresa herself.

http://www.poptower.com/victoria-caputo-long-island-medium-picture-67202.htm

Same flowing brunette locks, same Cocker Spaniel brown eyes, same nose, same lips…Victoria plus 1960s eyeliner equals Miss Chihuahua 1967. That’s all there is to it.

http://www.listal.com/viewimage/5476018

Catalina Lozano

You Mean We Don’t Need Seven Remotes For One TV?

Back in the day, all you needed was four buttons to access ALL 82 channels. That’s right up my alley. Simplicity. Why have we made this so complicated from what it was in 1980?

Jupiter is still a bonafide planet, right?

The new RCA FD500 had everything one could want, including programming a week’s worth of shows. Who needs TIVO? Not only did it shut itself off after The Late Show, but it could turn your lamps off and on intermittently to ward off would-be robbers and thugs. Let’s hope they didn’t know you had scored the latest RCA, or you were done for! Even the AutoProgrammer could wake you up. No alarm needed!

And the colors were so vibrant! See how right the colors can be.

Yep, I think that’s pretty much all the colors.

I recall we were all a lot thinner then, but THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Somebody feed her! She is about to collapse under the weight of her videocamera!

And if you’re gonna do it, do it right. Don’t skimp on lesser models when you could go full on stately cabinet, pecan-veneered Marandino.

Or the Glenrich, a contemporary highboy. Oh, that’s a good name for a blog, come to think of it. Maybe I’ll change mine. Anyhoo, the point is not to skimp. You want to watch Thursday’s Mork and Mindy and Bosom Buddies in style, don’t you? Just think, you could be THIS guy.

The Blood of Young Runaways

How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It’s simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.–William Shatner

When you think of fitness, Jane Fonda or Denise Austin may come to mind. But no doubt William Shatner isn’t far behind.

Don't point that thing at me! — Don’t point that thing at me!

In the newest acquisition to my library…

…Shatner explains his health and fitness secrets.

In the last thirty years, his metabolism slowed, as metabolisms do. Here he is retrieving a discarded french fry on a Hawaiian beach.

But this is nothing new. Folks have made mockery of his midsection for many years.

In fact, Captain Kirk appears to be sickened by the mere thought of Sweating to the Oldies.

www.aoltv.com (does AOL even exist any more?) — http://www.aoltv.com

Uh-oh! Someone got a little too close to that flame!

Actually, the flame was due less to Richard Simmons and more to the perils of frying turkey for Thanksgiving, which Shatner discusses here:

Flame-free and portly, he’s still truckin’ at 82 years old (and several months older than Regis!). Last year, he performed in a one-man show on Broadway, called Shatner’s World: We Just Live in It, and he makes consistent appearances on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Clearly, he’s having the last laugh.

Not bad for a Canadian.

Still The Boss

Get a load of those proud roosters…

http://nypost.com/2013/09/21/joseph-gordon-levitt-tony-danza-reunite-in-don-jon/

Most of us remember Antonio Salvatore Ladanza from his TV series Taxi or later, Who’s The Boss? but Tony Danza is also an accomplished boxer, tap dancer, and Broadway actor. And as you can see from the picture above, in his latest movie, Don Jon, this 62-year-old is still pretty ripped. He explained that he did nothing to prepare physically for the role,; he maintains this level of fitness from his years as a prize fighter. But I have a celebrity fitness book from 1983 that reveals his secret:

“YOU CAN STAY IN SHAPE WITH JUST SEX AND NOTHING ELSE. THEN, YOU CAN EAT ALL THE MACARONI YOU WANT.”

At the time, he was still acting on Taxi with Marilu Henner, who has said that he wanted to “drill a hole through her dressing room wall.” Apparently, this misplaced testosterone could lead to barroom brawls, if not directed into workouts. Here he is punching a speed bag.

I particularly enjoyed the last line of the interview: “I’m self-conscious because I’m getting older–I just turned 32.” Scoff if you will, but many celebrities never made it past the age of 32: Karen Carpenter and Cass Elliot (talk about night and day), as well as Bruce Lee, Keith Moon, and one of the guys in Milli Vanilli. Congratulations, Tony, on maintaining your fitness in the 30 years since this was published. And here’s to 30 more. Buon lavoro!

Inside Yank, Part II

Yank addressed the realities of the American soldier in his own words, from discharge to depression, all in one panel.

This issue summed up the progress made in the war over the past year, without mincing words (B-29s pounded hell out of the Jap mainland).

The common bond of a shared experience gave comfort to men who had been to hell and back. Humor was often the best salve.

Here a British soldier conveys the perception of American soldiers as lousy lovers:

Grand company indeed.

Interesting words from FDR, who had passed only eight months prior to this publication.

Inside Yank, Part I

Heeeeeere's Lucy! — Yup, that’s Lucille Ball.

I’ve been going through some of Granddad’s WWII items, and I stumbled upon this Yank magazine, dated Dec 28, 1945. Christmas was upon the nation, and the war was over.

But even though the war was over, many American soldiers had yet to return home.

It is fascinating to read how the servicemen felt about what should be done with the secret of the atomic bomb.

As you might guess, the centerfold included these lovely ladies:

Apparently, the servicemen were feeling a little frisky once they landed on familiar soil.

And there are some (understandably so) not quite politically correct cartoons…

Stay tuned for Part II for another inside glimpse into Yank, the army weekly.

We’re Not Loading Up Our Woody Because Our Woody Is Ugly

The June 2013 Men’s Journal included this picture of “Enduring Icons,” cars which have basically retained their shape and/or style. That’s nice, but:

Are these the only three examples that exist within the expanse of hideous styleless rectangles uglifying our neighbor’s driveways and our nation’s highways as we speak?
The older models still look better.
Fix it please. I will gladly pay good money to drive a vehicle that does not look like NOW. 2013 will never go down in the annals as the heyday of automobiles.
P.S. this pic was stuck at the end of a Range Rover review for times when you “need to ford three feet of water while getting a massage from your 20-way power seats.” What I wouldn’t give to just BEHOLD three feet of water in this arid desert called Texas.
P.P.S. The Range Rover starts at $83,500, which will buy you a HOUSE on the east side in this neck of the woods.

And speaking of woodies…

This Is How We Roll On The Sabbath

Prayer Meeting in Tomball, TX 1945 from "Traces of Texas" — Prayer Meeting in Tomball, TX 1945 from: http://www.facebook.com/TracesofTexas

You better recognize.

Coolest. Wrapping. Paper. Ever.

What you are witnessing surpasses the pairing of peanut butter and jelly, Jack and Diane, or even Tanqueray and Tonic. It is indeed a combination of the Extra-Terrestrial and the celebration of the Savior’s birth. My mind is too blown to continue. If you are unaware of the merits of wrapping paper, feel free to go back in time and check out: https://sanceau.com/2013/02/01/thats-a-wrap/.

Hold Steady

This scene at yesterday’s soccer game got me thinking: Is an iPad really that convenient? Does it need to be that big? I have a video camera about the size of my hand, which surely would be less cumbersome. But it doesn’t have the internet on it. I imagine we will look back on this picture next week and laugh and laugh and laugh about how backward we were in days of yore, how foolish, how blind to the next big thing. The adolescent girl in the foreground appears to be praying for more forward-thinking technology. Twenty-five hours have passed since that game took place. Shouldn’t there be a new iPad out by now? And another tomorrow and tomorrow? And isn’t that a brilliant way to teach the youth to never ever be satisfied with what they have and to ALWAYS be looking forward to greener pastures?

Even Purple Rain Would Be Nice

http://www.kellimarshall.net/film/dancing-rain-prominence/

The sky has been the biggest tease for over a month now, growing cloudy each morning and late afternoon, sending ominous dark clouds to lord over me as I jog. I tempt fate by washing my car and watering the fig tree, since that’s usually a guarantee for precipitation, but to no avail. The most rain we get is three minutes tops, and usually just sprinkles, not the deadly downpours like Boulder, Colorado has seen this week. Short of doing a rain dance, I have no power over the weather. However, I did discover a place today that is a site for sore ears…

http://www.rainymood.com/

Ahhhh. I feel better already.

Always With Wings? NEVER With Wings.

http://seriouslyforreal.com/funny/walmart-called-your-photos-are-ready/

Oh, sweetheart, what can be done about this? Even Jazz Hands, overdone blush, a Mardi Gras Reynolds Wrap sash, and a Newton-John headband cannot distract from what’s at hand here. Bless your heart.

And this one could have been easily prevented with a razor. Can this even be real?

Burt Reynolds ain’t got nothin’ on me.

Usually pleated pants are the worst part of a photo op, but not in this case:

At least his trousers aren’t VINYL. What is up with that? Even the cat is struggling to break free from that anemic woman’s wardrobe choices. I’d rather don a cat collar than whatever that is around her neck. And who chose that poor man’s Big Bang background? It’s like a swirling cosmic soup where galaxies collide at the corner of Where Is His Belt and Please Button Your Cuffs. And let’s not forget the photographer, complicit in this atrocity, who allowed the female to wear her hair tucked behind those ears. What the what? I sure hope that kitty Rockette-highkicked its way out of that couple’s life.

I do not get it.

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: