Is that not the cutest swimsuit you ever saw? Yes, the one under “real food.” Unfortunate placement indeed.
And for the fellas, here’s some shades of Betty Grable.
Noah’s Ark Giraffes Find Fame On Swimsuit
Category: History
Prophylactics, Pigs, And Prolon
Poor porker–he got outscienced! But take heart, you are still needed–for your delicious, delicious meat. Until then, enjoy fishing, wearing watches, and fastening overalls like the porcine do.
Hog bristle, huh? People brushed their teeth with hog bristle. Did you do that? More than one dentist has told me to never choose “hard” bristles, so I can only imagine how hard hog bristles are. Could you brusha-brusha-brusha with this implement?
I’ll pass. Chinese invented the bristle toothbrush in 1498 out of hog hair attached to bamboo or bone. I guess it got the job done, and possibly that last little fleck of pork that was wedged in between your molars. Perhaps if you only needed teeth until you were 30 (when you died), it wasn’t so bad. I have never felt so grateful for my Sonicare.
Big Yellow Taxi
This Oldsmobile isn’t a taxi, but it sho nuff is taxi cab yellow. Look how sleek! How rich people on horses wave to rich people in cars! How swag that dog is! No seatbelts!
Why, even simple Delores can operate heavy machinery because there’s no confusing clutch. All she has to do is simply coordinate her headband, jacket, and skirt, don some white gloves, curl her hair, and slip into the bench seat to drive to Vegas and bet on the ponies like the old man used to do. Gas it, Delores!
So Many Ozzie Nelsons
Clearly none of these Ozzie Nelsons has a gluten allergy. That’s one thing we can all appreciate about the Cold War era. You’ll shove it in your face, and you’ll like it. And evidently Ricky did, since he ate a hundred. Harriet, ladylike, made ’em thin and dainty. And David’s were huge to help fuel his many chores.
Ah, now there’s the real Ozzie, flipping flapjacks. I don’t know about you, but I like both The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet AND the pancakes. In fact, I named my dog Jemima. It has a better ring to it than Mrs. Butterworth.
They Will ABSOLUTELY Miss The Meat: Libby’s Easy-Don’t Friday Sludgefest
Oh, Libby. I don’t know who or where you are, but I know you are misleading America. I remember a jingle about “Libby, Libby, Libby on the label, label, label” and now I imagine your name was said thrice as folks were shaking their heads at atrocities such as this. I think we can all agree that a mom who throws a can of corn on deviled eggs “in hot, undiluted cream of mushroom soup” (as indicated below) is dialing it in. And peas with salmon chunks? I am nigh on the verge of regurgitation, Libby.
Bride’s House Revisited
Middle Child
Do you recognize the middle boy, flanked by siblings Catherine and Dick in the 1930s? Former magician, DeLorean investor, proficient drummer, and lover of Wint O Green Life Savers–are you getting warmer? How about Nebraska-raised?
We used to watch him every weeknight.
Yep, it’s the King of Late Night Television, Johnny Carson. Hi-yo!
Nummy In The Know
Austin KNOW radio announcer Jimmy Nummy appears to be barraged by microphones here. One is even propped against his noggin. In 1927, KNOW became Austin’s first commercial radio station, but had signed off by 1989. Did you know that broadcast call letters in the USA begin with either “K” or “W”, with “K” usually west of the Mississippi River and “W” usually east of it? Does that apply to your city? Maybe not, if you live in Louisiana or Minnesota, who go rogue and don’t always follow the dividing line. Here’s a KNOW ad from 70 years ago.
While Nummy’s name may not live in infamy, one itsy bitsy reference is made to him in the memoirs of Ray Campi (aka “The King of Rockabilly”). It’s such a fun read, I thought I’d share it.
It was a great thrill to witness my first recording session in 1950 and to meet ‘Cactus’ Pryor who was to become a family friend to this day. I had already heard one of his records on the radio called Jackass Caravan which was a funny parody of Frankie Laine’s Mule Train, also a hit by Tennessee Ernie, a record my dad bought at Woolworth’s. “That sure was a funny record Cactus has out,” I remarked to my friends. “I hope someday I can make a record.”
…One of my first completed audio discs was a song I wrote called Disc Jockey Cactus. I took this demo record to Mrs. Macy Henry of Macy’s Records in Houston along with a few other original tunes, hoping for my first record release. The lady patiently listened to my painful playing and high-pitched singing and wisely rejected me as Macy’s Records’ new singing sensation. “Come back in about ten years after your voice has developed and I’ll give you another listen. You might have something there in that disc jockey song,” she said encouragingly…
On that interesting afternoon in the KTBC studio, records were being recorded for 4 Star…I heard the band rehearse and get ‘takes’ of Flying Saucer Mama, and Rag Mop. Jesse’s rendition of the latter tune was a ‘cover’ version of Johnny Lee Wills’ hit on Bullet Records. I recall that all the musicians went into another room to listen to the original hit and came out practicing the lyric “do-di-lee-da-da-loo-di” over and over. The music and singing were all cut together with the band singing off-mike where they were standing. I seem to recall that Jesse did Flying Saucer Mama that day and last up was Cactus with his tune which was Hog Calling Champ Of Arkansas. He requested a double bass on this one and a call was made to Hub Sutter who had finished his radio show at nearby KVET. His bass player, Joe Ramon, who had been a member of Jesse’s band previously, entered the studio cradling his instrument. This tune was somewhat complicated as it contained a key change in the middle when Turkey In The Straw had to be played during the hog calling sequence. A staff announcer named Jim Nummy and Hub Sutter had an interchange with Cactus. (www.bear-family.de)
So there you go! It’s not exactly 15 minutes of fame, and it’s not exactly exciting. But it’s better than calling him “Ol’ What’s-His-Name!” And if you’d like to take a listen to “Hog Calling Champion of Arkansas,” click here.
It’ll be stuck in your head all day!
Many Hands Makes Light Work
Liberal Heathen Sons And God-Fearing Conservative Dads Agree
Introduced in the fall of 1963, the swanky Chevelle had a brief shining moment in the sun until its demise in 1977. From the death of JFK to the death of Elvis, this muscle car made a statement. Just look at that hood. You and four of your friends could stargaze on that width. Why, you could host a family picnic on it!
I think I prefer this earlier model. What do you think?
Working The Same Block
These two gals are all gussied up for the Cairo (pronounced by locals as “we don’t care-o”), Illinois River Days festival in 1990, but they don’t look too excited about it. Touted as “America’s most depressing city” by www.cyburbia.org, it wouldn’t be farfetched to assume these gals got the heck out of dodge before the millennium ended. More recent images from 2008 show what downtown has become.
However, if you simply travel 21 miles north to Ullin, Illinois, you can witness the beauty pageant held at their modern-day River Days, which is still going strong.
And these Little Miss Sunshines, having traded tights and tap shoes for strappy sandals, seem a lot more excited about it.
Hey, Good Lookin’
I Don't Get It 