Category: Food

I Don’t Eat Tail

http://www.npr.org/blogs/pictureshow
http://www.npr.org/blogs/pictureshow

My son’s elementary school calendar this month includes a president’s favorite food for each day of the month. Today the president named is Dwight D. Eisenhower, who enjoyed oxtail soup. Though I have heard of it, I have never seen hide nor hair of such a soup, not in a person’s home or in a restaurant. Have you ever tried it?

I visited the Food Network’s site to investigate. Apparently, “the oxtail was once really from an ox but nowadays the term generally refers to beef or veal tail. Though it’s quite bony, this cut of meat is very flavorful. Because it can be extremely tough (depending on the age of the animal), oxtail requires long, slow braising.”

Based on this information, I’m going to have to pass. I don’t eat tail, however flavorful. It’s hard enough for me to stomach dark meat chicken or the fatty part of a brisket; I doubt I would have the patience to gnaw away at a tough tail. I do admit the vegetables look delicious.

http://www.perfectingsimplicity.com/oxtail-soup/
http://www.perfectingsimplicity.com/oxtail-soup/

In any event, it is a common dish in the U.K., and there is even a fellow WordPresser who has provided a recipe for oxtail stew. He goes so far as to say, “All those odd bits, wobbly bits and squidgy bits have such an amazing range of textures and flavours.” A shiver just ran down my spine. I think he would do quite well to travel with the adventurous Andrew Zimmern, who forced poor Adam Richman into eating lutefisk on yesterday’s episode of Man vs. Food. Andrew loves squidgy bits.

http://andrewzimmern.com/2010/01/06/5-questions-adam-richman/
http://andrewzimmern.com/2010/01/06/5-questions-adam-richman/

Tomorrow’s president is Ulysses S. Grant, who liked to eat turkey. Now that one I get. And apparently, Ike liked it, too.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/

Hurdles, Not Girdles

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Ever since I saw Danny Zuko in sweatpants, I knew track guys were hot. He didn’t need his T-Birds leather jacket to be cool.

Can’t you sense the confidence exuding off these fit and flexible track and field guys?

55Jackrabbit072Before the Information Age, young folks enjoyed testing the limits of their bodies, pushing their muscles, striving for fitness goals, and enjoying the sun and wind on their skin. Even if they were sore afterward.

55Jackrabbit073

Nowadays, not so much. There are screens to be stared at, video games to be played, and processed, enriched grub void of nutrients to be consumed. Plus, sometimes outside is uncomfortable. Forget that. Inside is always 72 degrees.

http://health.ninemsn.com.au/whatsgoodforyou/theshow/694270/are-video-games-making-our-children-fat
http://health.ninemsn.com.au/whatsgoodforyou/theshow/694270/are-video-games-making-our-children-fat

Come on, morbidly obese kids, you can do it! Get up off of that couch. If this 74-year-old New Zealand man can do it, so can you! He did this AFTER he kicked cancer’s butt. So kick your own fat butt and get moving.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/sport/4992044/Athlete-hurdles-the-age-barrier
http://www.stuff.co.nz/dominion-post/sport/4992044/Athlete-hurdles-the-age-barrier

Otherwise, you’ll have a lifetime of physical and emotional hurdles ahead of you. I know you lack the energy to seize the day, but for the love of all that is holy, put the Hot Cheetos and Takis down. Toss them in the trash! Say hello to fitness and good-bye to Husky jeans!

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tumblr

Forget Sunny D: Embrace A Frozen Margarita

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These were my son’s menu choices yesterday at a local Mexican restaurant. Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff. The food is just mediocre, but we frequent it because the waiter does what seems to be nearly impossible these days in the world of self-absorbed, iPod-staring, adolescent servers: HE MAKES US FEEL WELCOME.

  • He greets us, shakes our hands, and asks how we are doing.
  • He brings us our drinks before we request them.
  • He does the “check-back” at least three times.
  • He keeps our drinks full.
  • He SMILES. He’s super-good at this one, without being fake.
  • He brings us to-go drinks without us having to ask.
  • He shakes our hands when we leave (or if he’s putting in an order, he waves good-bye).

And so even though the food is pretty meh, the service is great. He never looks slammed, he’s never in the weeds, never appears overwhelmed. He’s got this. And because he’s got this, we tip him well every time.

But until yesterday, I had never realized how inappropriate the illustration on the kids’ menu is. A Mexican man salsa dancing with a frozen margarita? With salt on the rim? I’m not making this up.

I’d Tap That

81Cactus101You know, I was gonna make a crack about Justin Bieber’s dad in the pedophile mustache, but then I remembered that the Bieber is STILL A TEENAGER. Yes, he is. And Papa Bieber is barely old enough to be president. Yes, Jeremy (spoke in class today) Bieber would have been learning what sound farm animals make and how not to wet the bed when this picture was taken. So maybe it’s Bieber’s granddad. Or fun uncle. Or Drunk Uncle.

drunk uncleEither way, it appears they’ve drained the bottle. And nobody likes an empty bottle.

porter wagoner

Hungry Eyes

Aerie53034Nobody puts Baby in a corner, unless it’s a corner drug store. After performing the iconic lift scene with Johnny, Baby took a break with a malted down at Cunningham’s Drug Store. Looks like she had the time of her life.

jennifergrey

An Image To Warm You On A Winter’s Day

(spoiler alert: this is not the warm image)

Yes, it’s Elvis’s birthday today. It is my intention to brave the blustery polar vortex and go to Chuy’s Tex-Mex to consume an Elvis Presley Memorial Combo in his honor. New Year’s Resolution be damned. It is my obligation as an American citizen.

http://Photos of Chuy's - Restaurant Images
This photo of Chuy’s is courtesy of TripAdvisor.

Mercy, that looks delicious! But today’s post is not about The King of Rock n Roll; it’s about The King of Pop. You see, my 12-year-old self would have considered it an epic failure on my part to not have been married to Michael Jackson by this point. That was, after all, my master plan. And probably that of a million billion other adolescent girls. And we all failed. Except ironically, for the daughter of the King of Rock. And Debbie Rowe, but she doesn’t count.

lisa

No matter that he no longer walks the earth. My 12-year-old self would be disappointed. He was the reason we hit “play” and “record” simultaneously on our jambox that sat atop the television on the night the Thriller video premiered. No, we didn’t have a VCR yet. He was the reason my best friend and I learned to moonwalk in our Bill Blass socks on my parents’ hardwood floors. He was the reason we wore our red zippered Beat It jackets (not ironically, of course) to school and then promptly retired them out of humiliation because for some reason, sixth grade white girls couldn’t quite carry the look. In our defense, we did weigh 115 lbs at that point, just like he did.

I think it’s safe to say that most current musical artists were influenced by Michael Jackson. I imagine his influence spread into other art genres as well. But I was not aware of the magnitude of this until my friend posted this glorious image on facebook today. Apparently she was googling “exotic flowers,” and this gem appeared:

mj

I know what you’re thinking. Sometimes words can’t express our emotions, our awe, our wonder. In that sense, this artwork is like the Grand Canyon. I was only an Art Major for two years before changing to a legit degree (just kidding, art majors), so I am clearly not the authority on this. But I can say that never has there been such a depiction of the soft femininity of flowers balanced with the rugged machismo of Michael Jackson.

Needless to say, there was an instant barrage of comments, including:

  • that’s a pretty young lady
  • Why? Why? Tell them that it’s human nature.
  •  i want this person to be my next family photographer.
  • Are those cornrows? Seriously?
  • i can give your whole family cornrows after your family photographs if you want that with exotic flowers in your hair…lol
  • Is there alcohol in your coffee this morning?
  • Looks like an Herbal Esssence commercial!
  • Much magical.
  • Does anyone else feel compelled to go purchase Summer’s Eve products?
  • I like how the photo looks wet…
  • Or sweaty
I felt it was my duty to share this beautiful artwork with my readers. You’re welcome. I hope your day is much magical.

The Proof Is In The Pudding

birdwomanchristmas puddingI don’t know what message this Victorian Christmas image is trying to convey, but it’s certainly not Christmas cheer. Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol refers to “the pudding singing in the copper,” so I can only assume this pudding decided to do a little choreographed number as well. It may be smiling, but the birdwoman is not.  She looks downright alarmed. Fortunately, the lid serves as a protective shield. The message here: pudding is dangerous, albeit polite.

I (like most  Americans) am not familiar with what a Christmas pudding actually looks or tastes like. When Americans think “pudding,” we think chocolate pudding and Bill Cosby. Pudding is not hard and aggressive; it is soft and creamy.

http://www.babble.com
http://www.babble.com

In my mind, the copper pot pudding resembles a yummy fried hushpuppy. Yet, I know that it most certainly is NOT a hushpuppy, because hushpuppies are “comfort food.” They do not get violent.

http://www.kitchenbelleicious.com/
http://www.kitchenbelleicious.com/

When Mr. Deasley posted his top ten “alternative” puddings last week (thttp://theverybesttop10.com/2013/12/13/alternative-christmas-puddings/), I got my first glimpses at these foreign puddings.

 

the-world_s-top-10-best-alternative-christmas-puddings-2

This holly-sprigged treat doesn’t look anything like the dessert in the birdwoman cartoon. It does, however, resemble THIS image of what appears to be a burnt meatloaf, carrying his own weapon of execution.

Charles Goodall & Son
Charles Goodall & Son

Perhaps Brits feel the same way about Christmas pudding that Americans feel about fruitcake: unless it is drenched in brandy, why bother? The difference is, we don’t stick currency in our food.

http://www.englishblog.com/2008/12/christmas-cartoon-of-the-day-christmas-pudding.html#.UrIhsPRDvQh
http://www.englishblog.com/2008/12/christmas-cartoon-of-the-day-christmas-pudding.html#.UrIhsPRDvQh

Apparently, custom once dictated putting a coin inside the pudding, and the one who bit down on it and cracked his tooth would interpret it as a sign of good luck. The irony in this cartoon, is that the value of the pound was falling. I liken it to putting a peso in a fruitcake. You’d have to shove seven thousand inside it to make it valuable, at which point, every bite would be fraught with pesos, and everyone would need dental work. OH, I GET IT! THAT’S WHY BRITS HAVE THE REPUTATION FOR BAD TEETH. It all makes sense now. What a revelation.

Anyway,the tradition seems as foolish as slipping a wedding ring inside a cake or a glass of champagne; choking hazards are nothing to rejoice about. Unless you know the Heimlich Maneuver, I would discourage it altogether.

 

All Nogged Out

frabz-Go-to-the-supermarket-Egg-nog-is-in-stock-early-9c795b

I started this blog nearly a year ago, while I had taken ill, and it was under the effects of Theraflu (which is now nonexistent on the shelves–thank you, crack addicts) and the advice of my hubby that I took to WordPress to express my concerns over two troubling world issues:

  1. Baked potatoes should come with five toppings standard, like automatic windows in a new car.
  2. Egg nog should be accessible to every American throughout the month of December.

As I reflect on that second nog-related post (https://sanceau.com/2012/12/29/egg-nog/), I realize that right here, right now (as Jesus Jones would say–or would be saying if he were culturally relevant), egg nog is abundant. It is, in fact, accessible. The shelves are stocked. What chapped my hide last year was that only four days after Christmas, it was gone. Disappeared, like some glorious Doug Henning trick.

http://www.made-in-england.org/doug-henning-rocks/
http://www.made-in-england.org/doug-henning-rocks/

You remember him, right? The stache? The buck teeth? Anyway, R.I.P. Doug Henning.

The point is: it’s available, and I’m already over it. I’ve already gone through two cartons of it, and I’m plum nogged out. It’s so thick and rich, like Pepto-Bismol coating your tummy lining. But you bet your bippy come 12/29, I’ll have a sharp hankering for it. And therein lies the problem: sales peak on 12/26. We’re on the way to the tippy-top of nog sales; we’re waxing, brother. We’re waxing. But after 12/26, it’s a sharp wane, a steep cliff down to complete nog in absentia.

Oh. My. Gosh, you guys. I just found a picture of some nog I’ve never been witness to.

EggnogWhat is this brand? I’ve never heard of it. If I recall high school French class, that loosely translates to “how good, the milk of the chicken.” Correct? That’s not appetizing. Maybe I won’t want nog on 12/29 after all.

Christmas Mold

jelloI don’t suppose Santa would prefer a jiggling foot-high Jell-O mound to a batch of warm Tollhouse Cookies, but it’s better than nothing–and low on calories. Although I would never allow my toddler to sleep under a table for safety reasons, I can confirm that the pose is a common one for children, as though they were kneeling in prayer and simply toppled forward. My concern is the rodent in a cradle on the mantle. ‘Twere I Santa, I would question the hygiene of the home and pass on the gelatin altogether.

Countdown to Thanksgiving

As you prepare for your Thanksgiving holiday in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS, keep these important facts in mind:

  • If your in-laws are coming to your home, stock up on Pepto-Bismol. And remember what Benjamin Franklin said: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” Hollah.

Cartoon004

  • If you’re the one traveling, make sure your vehicle has been well-maintained. I can’t overstate this enough.

WynnsFrictionProofing

  • When you’re fueling up, use high anti-knock gasoline. You never know what kind of weather you will encounter.

Colliers003

  • Many Americans enjoy spending hours swilling beer and watching football as a way of offering up thanks on this four-day weekend, so make sure your big screen TV is not on the fritz.

Colliers004

  • Don’t forget the most important part: dessert! Everyone loves pies–pumpkin, pecan, apple, sweet potato, blackberry, chocolate cream, coconut cream…There’s always room for dessert.

Colliers001

  • But above all, avoid excessive gluttony.

DelafieldReducingPlan

  • And remember what it’s all about, Charlie Brown–an annual tradition since 1863, when Lincoln proclaimed a national day of “Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.”

403_Abraham-Lincoln31

Too Much Head

Miller023I just got another stack of old magazines, and this ad jumped out at me from a 1960 Look.

What’s right with this ad:

  • Sexy moodlight
  • Her smooth, parted hair, clipped low at the neck.
  • It rhymes. That’s pretty cool. “Put the finest label on your table.”

What’s odd with this ad:

  • He’s pouring Miller (the champagne of bottled beer) from one presumably cold glass container into another. What was wrong with the bottle? I’ve never understood that. And he’s not even tilting the pint glass to reduce that drastic amount of head. Hold it at at a 45° angle!
  • Miller is from Milwaukee. Why does this ad look so Polynesian? Is this a theme party with Mediterranean olives and French bread and Greek spit-roasted lamb?
  • I’m frightened by the menacing tiki sculpture in the background. It looks like one of those angry apple trees in The Wizard of Oz.

http://www.houseofhawthornes.com/

http://www.houseofhawthornes.com/

  • The seasonal conflict: his shirt says winter, her dress says summer.
  • His apron is too clean. Somebody had to rub that meat.
  • This is too much food for two skinny white people. In fact, the lettuce appears to be making a getaway from the salad bowl. And you know such a demure, classy woman would never dare to consume more than 4 oz of meat at a time. Perhaps that partially lit door indicates a patio party. And those half a dozen plates imply guests are coming.
  • If they are preparing for said patio party, why aren’t they arguing? You know he didn’t buy all the ingredients she asked him to pick up at the store. He should have brought a pen to cross them off the list, like she told him a million times. Perhaps her look is one of passive aggressive seething rage. He’ll get his later.
  • He knows he’ll get his later. That’s why he’s topping off his third glass already. The fact that he forgot their anniversary last weekend didn’t help matters. Keep drinking, Ted. Keep drinking.