As you prepare for your Thanksgiving holiday in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS, keep these important facts in mind:
- If your in-laws are coming to your home, stock up on Pepto-Bismol. And remember what Benjamin Franklin said: “Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.” Hollah.
- If you’re the one traveling, make sure your vehicle has been well-maintained. I can’t overstate this enough.
- When you’re fueling up, use high anti-knock gasoline. You never know what kind of weather you will encounter.
- Many Americans enjoy spending hours swilling beer and watching football as a way of offering up thanks on this four-day weekend, so make sure your big screen TV is not on the fritz.
- Don’t forget the most important part: dessert! Everyone loves pies–pumpkin, pecan, apple, sweet potato, blackberry, chocolate cream, coconut cream…There’s always room for dessert.
- But above all, avoid excessive gluttony.
- And remember what it’s all about, Charlie Brown–an annual tradition since 1863, when Lincoln proclaimed a national day of “Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens.”
I Don't Get It 
I think Hallmark needs to hire you.
LikeLike
Yes! Just give me a real healthcare package please.
LikeLike
We are experiencing technical difficulties please attempt to apply again in 2016.
LikeLike
Drat it! This is so government of you!
LikeLike
I get paid to sit here so I try my hardest to make it all difficult.
LikeLike
I concur with the dessert one. Pie is the best part of Thanksgiving: a well-earned reward for keeping six crazy little cousins out of the kitchen all day.
LikeLike
Hopefully they will have passed out by the time it’s dessert time.
LikeLike
That’s…that’s the hope. Dessert may be strength for the weary, but (to put it nicely), sugar doesn’t really help the kids settle down for the evening.
LikeLike
And I could never bring myself to Benadryl my child as others suggested…
LikeLike
Then you’re clearly Wonder Woman.
LikeLike
…deflecting bullets w/ my bracelets as we speak…
LikeLike
Old Abe had the right idea.
LikeLike
si, si
LikeLike