All Nogged Out


I started this blog nearly a year ago, while I had taken ill, and it was under the effects of Theraflu (which is now nonexistent on the shelves–thank you, crack addicts) and the advice of my hubby that I took to WordPress to express my concerns over two troubling world issues:

  1. Baked potatoes should come with five toppings standard, like automatic windows in a new car.
  2. Egg nog should be accessible to every American throughout the month of December.

As I reflect on that second nog-related post (, I realize that right here, right now (as Jesus Jones would say–or would be saying if he were culturally relevant), egg nog is abundant. It is, in fact, accessible. The shelves are stocked. What chapped my hide last year was that only four days after Christmas, it was gone. Disappeared, like some glorious Doug Henning trick.

You remember him, right? The stache? The buck teeth? Anyway, R.I.P. Doug Henning.

The point is: it’s available, and I’m already over it. I’ve already gone through two cartons of it, and I’m plum nogged out. It’s so thick and rich, like Pepto-Bismol coating your tummy lining. But you bet your bippy come 12/29, I’ll have a sharp hankering for it. And therein lies the problem: sales peak on 12/26. We’re on the way to the tippy-top of nog sales; we’re waxing, brother. We’re waxing. But after 12/26, it’s a sharp wane, a steep cliff down to complete nog in absentia.

Oh. My. Gosh, you guys. I just found a picture of some nog I’ve never been witness to.

EggnogWhat is this brand? I’ve never heard of it. If I recall high school French class, that loosely translates to “how good, the milk of the chicken.” Correct? That’s not appetizing. Maybe I won’t want nog on 12/29 after all.

Egg Nog

It’s only December 29, four days after Christmas. Our tree is still up, the lights on our house are still blinking. But the grocery store today posted this sign on a refrigerated shelf: “Sorry–no more egg nog. It’s out of season.” How long was the season? Did it end at midnight Christmas day? I realize that the demand for eggnog gradually increases throughout the holiday season, but surely they could stock it up to New Year’s Eve?  This graph from shows sales clearly decreasing, yet still existent.

nog sales

What if Ted Danson, Jude Law, or Mary Tyler Moore wanted to celebrate their birthdays today with some egg nog and brandy? This is America, after all. That shouldn’t be too much too ask. What is wrong with a little residual Christmas spirit? We showed up at Hobby Lobby on the morning of the 26th, just HOURS after Christmas had ended, and employees were frantically tossing reindeer and snowmen aside to make way for red sequined hearts for Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day! That’s not until the month after next. And don’t get me started on how insignificant THAT holiday is. The pressure to effectively yet forcibly express your love through Russell Stover boxed chocolates.  I’d rather drink egg nog.

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