That Moment When Michael Told Billie Jean The Kid Was Not His Son

dolls (5)

A box in the attic revealed a hodgepodge of dolls, such as this Thriller Michael, redhaired mermaid, Little House on the Prairie with fabulous hair, and diminutive Mork from Ork.

Somehow I scored a Julie Stiles Barbie doll before she was even born.

dolls (7)

They both like woodland creatures.


Hat Association Games

Today I will use my new 1973 Indiana University yearbook to play an installment of Hat Association Game. Here goes.

When I see this:

1973 Indiana University
1973 Indiana University

I think of Miss Mary J Blige:

And this corduroy-clad kiddo:

When I see this:

IndianaU1973016I think of afghan throws and crocheted potholders.

When I see this:

IndianaU1973015I think several things at the same time, but one of them is, “Is he really wearing a floral velvet newsboy cap with a tassle ball on top? That takes juevos.” I believe that Lance Gross proves that hat style can evolve for the better.

And lastly, when I see this:

IndianaU1973017I think of playing poker in what is clearly not a shower cap, but then I am distracted by the chipmunk cheeks of his friend, and I think of Tito Jackson.

And then I think of Tito Jackson in an oversized newsboy cap.

And Tito Jackson in a brown derby.

Which reminds me of the restaurant, the Brown Derby.

Which makes me hungry. So I’m going to head to the kitchen and fry up some free-range eggs. And I know just the hat to wear!

An Image To Warm You On A Winter’s Day

(spoiler alert: this is not the warm image)

Yes, it’s Elvis’s birthday today. It is my intention to brave the blustery polar vortex and go to Chuy’s Tex-Mex to consume an Elvis Presley Memorial Combo in his honor. New Year’s Resolution be damned. It is my obligation as an American citizen.

http://Photos of Chuy's - Restaurant Images
This photo of Chuy’s is courtesy of TripAdvisor.

Mercy, that looks delicious! But today’s post is not about The King of Rock n Roll; it’s about The King of Pop. You see, my 12-year-old self would have considered it an epic failure on my part to not have been married to Michael Jackson by this point. That was, after all, my master plan. And probably that of a million billion other adolescent girls. And we all failed. Except ironically, for the daughter of the King of Rock. And Debbie Rowe, but she doesn’t count.


No matter that he no longer walks the earth. My 12-year-old self would be disappointed. He was the reason we hit “play” and “record” simultaneously on our jambox that sat atop the television on the night the Thriller video premiered. No, we didn’t have a VCR yet. He was the reason my best friend and I learned to moonwalk in our Bill Blass socks on my parents’ hardwood floors. He was the reason we wore our red zippered Beat It jackets (not ironically, of course) to school and then promptly retired them out of humiliation because for some reason, sixth grade white girls couldn’t quite carry the look. In our defense, we did weigh 115 lbs at that point, just like he did.

I think it’s safe to say that most current musical artists were influenced by Michael Jackson. I imagine his influence spread into other art genres as well. But I was not aware of the magnitude of this until my friend posted this glorious image on facebook today. Apparently she was googling “exotic flowers,” and this gem appeared:


I know what you’re thinking. Sometimes words can’t express our emotions, our awe, our wonder. In that sense, this artwork is like the Grand Canyon. I was only an Art Major for two years before changing to a legit degree (just kidding, art majors), so I am clearly not the authority on this. But I can say that never has there been such a depiction of the soft femininity of flowers balanced with the rugged machismo of Michael Jackson.

Needless to say, there was an instant barrage of comments, including:

  • that’s a pretty young lady
  • Why? Why? Tell them that it’s human nature.
  •  i want this person to be my next family photographer.
  • Are those cornrows? Seriously?
  • i can give your whole family cornrows after your family photographs if you want that with exotic flowers in your hair…lol
  • Is there alcohol in your coffee this morning?
  • Looks like an Herbal Esssence commercial!
  • Much magical.
  • Does anyone else feel compelled to go purchase Summer’s Eve products?
  • I like how the photo looks wet…
  • Or sweaty
I felt it was my duty to share this beautiful artwork with my readers. You’re welcome. I hope your day is much magical.