Looting The Furniture Store
Category: Art
Yes, There Really Was A Douglass Crockwell
Isn’t it eerie how similar Mr. Crockwell’s paintings look to Mr. Norman Rockwell’s? It’s even the same subject matter. I mean, the style is nearly identical. Check out another Crockwell. From beer to Coke, two of my favorite things!
Honestly, it sounds like an SNL skit, like changing Mr. Rogers to Mr. Robinson’s Neighborhood. Stranger than fiction. Crockwell also did this fun outdoor scene.
In any event, I can appreciate both artists. I wish our summer looked more like this one!
Worship At The Altar Of Laconian Debs
Must … wear … Laconian Debs.
Y’all, it is rare indeed when a Google search turns up with zilch, nada. But such is the case for Laconian Debs. I guess they only existed for this one moment in my 1947 Seventeen magazine, which evidently could hardly contain their foot fetish. Apparently, those weren’t the only Debs around. Polly Debs were climbing up the charts.
I just don’t get this. These are NOT super flat. They have at least a one inch heel. And what a metaphor! Is a Coke comfy? That’s an odd word choice. You’ll love them like Mink? What? Are we talking about fur now? I’m so confused. But it’s good to know they’re live. All shoes should be live. Shouldn’t they?
Let’s move on to Kickerinos. That’s just fun to say, like Vinnie Barbarino. Anything -ino. It must be eye-talian!
Next up are the musical Monomacs, in either elk or Bucko Calf. Bucko Calf? There’s another thing Google’s never heard of. What a banner day!
I don’t know what music has to do with moccasins, or why tiny elves are handstitching the seams, but there you go. Now on to something south of the border!
Finally, something I’ve heard of. Huarache sandals, too …. A bushy, bushy blond hairdo … Surfin’ USA. ♫♪♫ Calf skin? I’m familiar with it. I get it. Wait, they come with foot shortening vamp? What the heck is that?
Who knew shoes could be so complicated?
Before a cutter was a person who took a knife to their skin just to “feel something” in a world of apathy, Cutters were shoes worn to catch men’s eyes. Maybe he’s not a breast or a thigh man; maybe he’s more interested in your arches. Super. And these would have been the choice for any butterface gal back in ’47 (that’s a woman who looks lovely everywhere “but her” face).
Let’s enjoy the symmetry of this next ad.
Three shoes, six gals, three shoes. Finally, some order. Everyone needs a few smooth, young Connies. Wouldn’t you agree? But smooth, young Connies grow up to become Old Town Trollers. It’s inevitable.
Two more years and I’ll be one myself. But at least I’ll be queen of them all! Still, nobody likes a troller. I’d take these adjectives any day. 
Soft and supple. By the way, I’ve heard about Teena’s “brilliant night play.” Now, THAT’S something Google understands.
Coke Date Fashion
Back in 1947, folks weren’t meeting up at Starbucks for $6 coffees. They were meeting at diners for nickel Cokes. Never coined Sprite nor Big Red nor Fanta Dates, this ad hyphenates it as “Coke-Dates.” No gal worth her salt would show up to sip soda in a t-shirt and jeans. Perish the thought! So Joan Miller made this fantubulous dress of men and women, gussied up in hats and suits, drinking Cokes themselves. Add a ruffled collar, and voila! Coke-Date material. Literally.
But it wasn’t just ensembles that needed vetting for dates of Coke. No, siree, Bob. You needed bonafide Coke-worthy shoes as well. And what better to marry that fizz than with leather moccasins, in five gay colors? You could get the traction you needed on asbestos-infused linoleum flooring. After all, you don’t want to spill the very drink for which you came.
The boys were home, Hitler was dead, and all was well on the western front. Time for snazzy frocks and fizzy drinks. Time to celebrate!
Let It Wip
It’s guaranteed not to sour, so I say we try this old can out and test the claim for ourselves.
In any event, I bet I’d prefer 1954’s version of Qwip to today’s:
How To Make That Bob Mackie Miss Starlett Dress
Could there be a more fetching color than kelly green? I think not. And “if you want to make like 1947” (which we all do, let’s be honest), then you’d do well to keep a longer hem. See below for more tips on how to be slimmed out like a soda straw.
Remember this classic?
More Fagotting Brings The Boys
So much beautiful fagotting going on here.
It’s okay. It means joining two hemmed pieces of fabric together with decorative stitching. But can we just talk about her enormously thick Peyton Manning head, balancing on a neck that is even thicker than her waist? Have any of you a waist smaller than your neck?
And what of her hips? Has she any? How is she to put forth more Peyton-headed children from such slim loins? ‘Tis a mystery. I don’t get it.
Neither Ink Nor French-American Midget
Spur: What Dry Throats Need
I grew up in Texas, so the connotation of a “spur” is not with refreshment, but more as a means of jabbing a horse to incite him to go. That certainly wouldn’t feel good going down.
I might also think of the San Antonio Spurs.
But certainly not a soda from the Canada Dry family. Sure, I’ve had plenty of tummy aches and plane rides that resulted in drinking Canada Dry, but I’ve never seen Spur cola. In fact, I’ve never seen Hi-spot either. Maybe these are only sold in places closer to Canada?
In any event, they sure have cool memorabilia. Ever drunk a Spur, my friends?
No Harsh Adulterants
Souvenirs of Boca Chica on Padre Island
I recently came into possession of narcotics a book of paintings by EM “Buck” Schiwetz, an artist who painted the Texas landscape for decades. In the future, I imagine I will share more of his images, but I just wanted to focus on this one today and get your take. What do you think of the seagulls, the seaside shanties, the brown sky?
Happier Than A Bird With A French Fry
I Don't Get It 