Wouldn’t you like your family to follow you into the dining room like this tonight? They are entranced by the perch. Aren’t we all?
Category: Advertising
Well, I Swan!
Back in March of 1949, when this ad debuted, Doris Day had not reached the apex of her “girl next door” fame. She was on the second of her four marriages, and had already born her only son, Terry Melcher, who passed in 2004.
I’d be willing to bet she didn’t hold on to that 35 cent locket all these years. Day, now 96, may just reach Hope’s milestone of living 100 years. With a long legacy as an animal activist, her cinematic legacy still stands strong today.
She was quite the ham, no?
Because One Bottle Is Never Enough
Textron’s Nylon Crepe Dress Slip: Better Than Mermaid Cosplay
Back To Cool
The evil big-box stores have already stocked their aisles with back-to-school items, an affront to all American children, trying their durndest to enjoy the apex of global warming seasons. As a parent of a teen, my days of purchasing Elmer’s Glue and huffing markers and dull scissors are over, but we’re still expected to pony up for supplies. Evidently, $7000 in property taxes on a mighty modest home does not cover Kleenex.
To all this mid-summer school rigmarole, I at least ask the makers of supplies to look backwards for inspiration, and not to the future. This ad makes education positively dreamy.
Let’s not forget that Donny nor David would give you the time of day if you weren’t svelte. Lace stockings look gauche on thicc (yes, thicc) thighs.
But what if you’re too thin, and you need to bulk up? Simply sport a Hugh Downs jacket!
Hugh Downs was a once-relevant broadcaster who is still kicking it at 97. Look how attractive his family is, wearing bulky red-orange. And who’s the lady fondling his son’s hood? Go back to Paris, Simone.
Maybe you’re too young and hip to wear anything from an old fuddy-duddy and his family. Maybe you’re avant garde like Pat Boone, who lives life on the cutting edge.
Dressing like Pat Boone ensures that girls think you are a liberal arts professor. And maybe they’re into that kind of thing. Remember, remember, you’re mine… Wow, he really did wear white shoes.
Speaking of white, perhaps you missed my earlier post on putting more sugar in Lisa. Here’s another misguided Sugar Information ad, advising moms to put more sugar in their teens, so they can become slovenly-dressed sugar-swinging freaks–just in time for back to school!
Turtles don’t need seat belts, y’all. They just don’t.
Hit The Trail, Tiny Snail
A boy must leave his dog at the kennel.
The boy is pensive.
The dog is pensive.
The kennel is ex-pensive.
In times like this, it’s good to have farewell phrases at hand.
But Does It Gyrate?
You KNOW it gyrates. It’s Gyrafoam.
Today, we take up where yesterday we left off. Smack dab in the middle of 1925, when women had no social media and were slaves to their chores.
But they had options! Another washing machine was this one from Laun-Dry-Ette.
Ain’t nobody got time for bluing, especially when there are floors to clean with Fuller Brushes.
And when you’re done brushing, you can sit on your can like Iris. Here she is, hitting up her best friend on the line, but she does it in style. The ad may be for Sellers Kitchen Cabinets, but all I see is a fab-u-lous crescent moon hat and a bold lip.
Oreos were introduced in 1912, but evidently some folks chose to put health biscuits in their pie holes instead. I’m sure they were a HIT at a kid’s birthday party.
Tommy seems to be trying to drown out the voices in his head, or the loud protests against health biscuits. Please, God, not health biscuits!
Somebody get Iris on the phone. It’s an emergency!
I Know What You Did In My Bathroom, Pearl
In the same magazine, you’ll find lovely Dix-Make dresses. No one makes dresses like Dix-Make.
If you’re not in the market for a flat-chested flapper dress, perchance you might like golden circlets of tropical goodness.
And try it on pizza, too!
Sick of cold water? Want hot water every place you can think of? Ask for Descriptive Folder #10.
And how about this? For the cost of my current water bill plus my cable bill, I could have bought an entire house in 1925.
But, Kerbey, you say–I’m not a baller; I’m too poor to pay attention. What could I afford? And to you, I say, how ’bout some clothesline?
It’s a cord to hang your sheets. It’s great until it rains, and then you have to hang it out to dry all over again. I remember because I had to do it in the 80s when all our neighbors had dryers, and my chore was to hang clothes on the line like I was a freaking pioneer. Thankfully, it only rains twice a year in Texas, so it’s not an issue now.
Come back on Hump Day for more fun ads from 1925!
Did I Mention Menton?
Yep.
Another lady carrying stuff on her head.
Even in France.
Car Culture 100 Years Ago
How Soulless Gingers Stay Cool In Summer
Silly ginger, don’t ruin your supper by eating dessert first!
The RCA Whirlpool fridge is so accessible, crafty gingers easily figure out how to eject ice at the touch of a button. And they’ll have plenty of time to do it, since they are excluded from many extra-curriculars.
Such violence toward gingers! I don’t get it.
Never Ever Pour Your Beer This Way
Unless you like a frothy mouthful of head, do not pour your bottle into your glass this way. I watched a patron at a pizza parlor pour his pitcher (that’s a lot of p’s!) into his pint sans tilt, and he wound up with a pint o’ foam. Nasty. And he was well into his middle years, so he should have known better.
I Don't Get It 