Ear Of The Beholder
Tag: Drinks
Double Drinking Dorothy Hamill
If you are too young to recall the famous wedge haircut made famous by 1976 Olympic figure skating champion Dorothy Hamill, consider yourself lucky. It was a trend amongst women of the late 1970s, and the immediate regret caused many to self-medicate with frosty longneck beers. Consider these two ladies, rocking the double H: the Hamill and highwaisted jeans. And just in case you can’t read their shirts, they say: Bored Martyrs. Indeed.
After A Long Day Of Shaving Heads…
Here’s another “I Don’t Get It” ad from 1941, suggesting a pint of the “dark ruby ale” as a remedy for fatigue. Yes, technically, Guinness is not black or even brown, but red. The man buzz-cutting these recruits looks tired now. Is now a good time for Guinness? Should he pause in the middle of shaving heads? And speaking of head…
Bartenders are not being fussy when they insist on the double-pour. Unlike other taps, Guinness is dispensed through a five-hole disk restrictor plate. It supplies an uncommon amount of nitrogen, making the head extra-effervescent. As such, two shifts are needed: one to start the magic, and a second to finish the job. The perfect pint is said to take 119.5 seconds to pour. But who’s counting? (www.foodrepublic.com)
And did you know that Africa accounts for about 40% of Guinness’ total worldwide sales? I don’t get that statistic either.
The full ad ends with the tag: Guinness Is Good For You. Many years ago, pregnant Irish women were told to drink a glass of Guinness every day to fortify themselves and their baby. More sound advice. Sounds like it’s time for a pint!
Ads That Almost Changed My Mind, Part I
This 1933 ad for Budweiser is so colorfully delicious, that I almost forgot my many encounters with the “King of Bottled Beer” and the inherent mehness it consistently offers. My Bud experience has ne’er entailed a sunbursting orchestra as fancy dancers trip the light fantastic. Then again, 1933 was the year that the 21st Amendment to the Constitution was ratified, ending national Prohibition. Any ale tastes good after 14 years of illicit backwoods hooch.
It Won’t Be Long Now
How To Share 3 oz Of Coke
Make All Our Dreams Come True
Several years ago, we visited the little town of Dublin, Texas, which housed a 122-year-old bottling company that produced Dr Pepper with cane sugar. Every visitor received a free sample bottle to taste.
Since then, the Dr Pepper Snapple Group acquired the rights to the Dublin Dr Pepper franchise and closed down shop. Now the renamed Dublin Bottle Works makes its own unique sodas, including sweet peach and rummy grapefruit. But the Dr Pepper has disappeared, along with all of the memorabilia. Little did we know, that frosty D.P. was the last we’d drink in little Dublin. Nothing stays the same.
And yes, it was like seeing the opening to Laverne & Shirley.
God Is Great, Beer Is Good
Mother’s in the kitchen washing out the jugs
Sister’s in the pantry bottling the suds
Father’s in the cellar mixing up the hops
Johnny’s on the front porch watching for the cops.
–Prohibition Song
Senior Class Officers
Perfect Pairing: Dine-A-Mite Ale & A Tweed Herringbone Jacket
Passport To Refreshment
I’d be pretty miffed, too, if all I had to drink was 12 oz in a Coke bottle. What’s that–three sips? That’s like drinking one glass of wine, one Pringle, one chip with salsa. It’s just a tease. But no worries–as soon as school was out, the kids hit the corner drug store for (no, not anti-depressants) fellowship, gossip, and soda pop.
Toss ’em back, girls. Finals are tomorrow and you’ll have to pull an all-nighter. And I’m not sure NoDoz has been invented yet. But take heart; in just two score years, the soda will be flowing like the River Thames.
SEVEN OUNCES! AM I READING THAT CORRECTLY? THAT’S A SHOT GLASS. But mercy, did it triple, quadruple, and whatever words there are for getting six times bigger. But that ain’t nothin’. Sonic sells the Route 44. Don’t you want to take the Nestea plunge into this cherry limeade?
Come to think of it, where’s the Route 66? Would that fit in the cupholder? Maybe, but it would dilute by the time I got home. Ugh! First World Problems!
Now, honestly, do you think they were only drinking one soda per sitting back in the day? That’s not what the soda companies wanted. When research in the 1930s showed that people’s blood sugar went down at 10:30am, 2:30pm, and 4:30pm, Dr. Pepper was all over that with their new slogan. Those of you who are slaves to the man have real jobs recognize these three times. I bet you get your caffeine on at 10, 2 and 4.
Yeah, there’s no way they just drank one. Think about it. If you’re on a date with Johnny, it only takes about three minutes to get through an entire bottle. Then what do you drink?
What did they drink before free refills? Did they order water? Did they just sit and get dehydrated for the next hour? There is no way I could eat Mexican food with only 12 oz to wash it down, especially if I just swallowed a serrano pepper.
Maybe they only drank one soda so they could save room for this:
I meant the ice cream, not the soda jerk. Although he looks dapper in his starched whites. Can you begin to imagine what that would taste like? Ice cream from a cow that ate grass, that roamed around on a farm, not pumped full of growth hormones or antibiotics, before the estrogenization of dairy, before man boobs and low T. Sorry, I’m off on a tangent. Where were we again? Oh, yeah. Soda. Could it get any crazier?
It has.
So what’s the answer? Where do we go from here?
Oops. Nevermind. That’s actually a lighter.
I Don't Get It 