Category: History

Derelict Hobos & The Demise Of The Running Board

hobosDid you realize these unkempt tramps were to blame for the ruin of the running board? Neither did I. Not until today. But this 1941 Chevrolet ad has opened mine eyes to the truth.

LifeFeb41-032

Just look at those adjectives: swank and streamlined. Running boards were preventing those adjectives from existing. And look how happy she is! A woman who wears an entire colony of minks on her frame is a woman I can trust. Maybe it’s badgers, wolverines–I don’t care, as long as they keep her warm.

And did you know there was a real fear of package-carrying tweens in knee breeches and dress shoes attacking your windows if your car had running boards? It was practically an invitation.

LifeFeb41-033Here I was thinking auto makers had simply stopped caring about style, but all along, I was wrong. I had never stopped to consider the peril involved in taking TWO STEPS.

LifeFeb41-034

This is what they mean when they talk about light-bulb moments, friends. Running boards were downright dangerous.

dangerous

It’s December, folks. Some of you Northerners can relate to Trenchcoat Trent and the loss of his dapper derby. Should that really happen in a civilized country? God bless Chevrolet for hitting CTRL+ALT-DEL on the cursed running board.

Ads That Almost Changed My Mind, Part II

FortuneSep1933-001

If it’s toasted, it can’t be that bad.

And what about these couples from a 1929 Camel ad? Don’t they look cozy and warm in the amber glow of a Prohibition-era eatery? If I couldn’t drink, I’d be smoking, too. Enjoy your finery and walking sticks while you got ’em, folks. Nine months ’til Black Tuesday…

SpurJan29-001

I Pledge Allegiance To Pure Evil

LifeFeb41-030

I just got this February 3, 1941 copy of Life. I have TONS of Life magazines; I even have a room we call the “Life room” because it has glass cabinets housing piles of vintage mags. But I’d never seen this one. The U.S. was a few months shy of entering WWII at this point, but we were well aware of The Führer. Don’t you just wish you were there to smash his face in?

LifeFeb41-026The frenzy caused by his presence is disturbing and unnerving. What brainwashing of a country to treat him as their savior.

LifeFeb41-027Have you seen these images before? I hadn’t. Are those beaming teenagers still alive? Have they since seen themselves in these images, so joyful, so radiant, so hopeful? Little did they know.

LifeFeb41-028

 

 

Ads That Almost Changed My Mind, Part I

FortuneSep1933-003

This 1933 ad for Budweiser is so colorfully delicious, that I almost forgot my many encounters with the “King of Bottled Beer” and the inherent mehness it consistently offers. My Bud experience has ne’er entailed a sunbursting orchestra as fancy dancers trip the light fantastic. Then again, 1933 was the year that the 21st Amendment to the Constitution was ratified, ending national Prohibition. Any ale tastes good after 14 years of illicit backwoods hooch.

Keep It On The DL

Comet51-055

He’s got the pen, so he must be doling it out, but what is it? His digits? A prescription for antibiotics to treat an itchy rash? The name of a Sicilian hit man to take care of some unpleasant business? A list of television networks at the time?

How I Feel At The Movie Theater

UT Cactus Yearbook 1981
UT Cactus Yearbook 1981

Even before annoying ringtones and bright-screened smart phones, movie theaters could still be a wretched placed to spend two hours of your life. There were legs behind your seat that would kick you. Chatty people who didn’t know when to shut up. Babies. What moron brings a human under three years old to a movie theater? The late arrivals squeezing past you (and late means ANYONE ARRIVING AFTER 15 MIN PRIOR TO THE MOVIE). No arm room (the fella appears to be elbowing a man in plaid). The sound of popcorn being crunched in an adjacent person’s mouth. Slurping. And fart clouds. Always fart clouds.