Quarantining With Toddlers
Category: Fun
One Month Down, One More To Go
Today makes a full four weeks of quarantine for us.
It’s the first Sunday in 13 years that I haven’t sung during the Easter service.
We miss going to the Strand and chatting up high-risk seniors on park benches.
I haven’t filled my gas tank since Friday the 13th of last month, the last day of school, and our last orthodontist visit for the foreseeable future.
No Ross, no Lowe’s, no Hobby Lobby. We can’t even drop off used items to Goodwill.
And how we miss our restaurants! Will our favorite server, Victor, still have a job?
Who will keep our iced tea full come summer?
Meanwhile, kids are hating self-quarantine and distance learning.
They’d rather be at school, texting friends and ignoring their teachers, eating lunch off poorly-cleaned cafeteria tables and discussing lucrative employment opportunities in the 2020’s. Add cyberhacker to that list, boys–and marginal girls!
We long for the days of popping into the grocery store quickly, without 20 minutes of pre-planning, gloves, masks, sanitizer pump, and a towel to protect our car seats from the questionably COVID-covered grocery bags.
Even a trip to the corner Walgreen’s requires the same preparation. Oh, for the days of running inside quickly for their 2 for $1 Arizona green tea specials!
I could be in and out in under 5 minutes!
No more sitting in goat-powered Radio Flyers, eating Drumsticks with chocolate nubs at the bottom of the cones, and spilling the neighborhood tea while the pharmacist informs Mom that the prescription for Vicodin is not legit because the doctor forgot to use the new watermarked paper for narcotics.
We’ve all been there, right? Those were the days.
Why, there probably won’t even be play dates until May at the earliest! No more construction paper tepees and happy little trees.
Yes, it’s certainly been challenging, all this self-isolation and quarantine.
But this shall yet pass, and soon we will gather on the plains for campfire grub again.
Life will begin to bear a semblance of normalcy, although never exactly the same.
Until then, don’t let it get your gander up! That is, your dander. Happy quarantining!
Five Minutes After Social Distancing Is Lifted
This image of busy cash registers at the Evanston, Illinois Conrad Hilton bar was taken nearly 63 years ago to the date: April 8, 1957.
April 8th was the kickoff dinner of the second annual Soph Week, with an evening of frolic and festivities for students attending the “Hi-Guy, Hello-Girl” dance, where Jimmy Palmer’s band played swinging tunes. Here’s hoping we’ll all be in good form at the end of this trial, ready to sip and socialize.
Sales Of Spirits Soar But My Soul Longs Only For Thee
As Newsweek reported when this month began:
U.S. ALCOHOL SALES INCREASE 55 PERCENT IN ONE WEEK AMID CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC
Yes. I get that. I’ve had a few pints. But it’s not the pints I’m jonesing for.
What I want is Coke. A frosty Coke and then a refill of frosty Coke immediately afterward.
Both of their bottles.
Don’t I deserve to be “really refreshed?”
Coke is everywhere. It taunts me in the pages of my magazines and from the walls of the antique stores. Is that Jane Wyman? I don’t know. All I want is her Coke.
I don’t need two liters of Coke. That’s too big, and it loses carbonation the second you open it up.
Then again, it can’t be too small.
Now this one is just right.
Bewitching Non-N95 Mask
Still Motivating Giraffe
Although fellow WordPresser Penny’s Motivating Giraffe site has been defunct for exactly two years now, I thought today, Palm Sunday, would be a great day to share some of her images I have enjoyed over the years, which seem especially poignant today.
He’ll Be In Mexico Before You Count Ten
Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin’ town, that toddlin’ town … ♪♫♪ No wonder they were toddling! Rolling on rubber was like skating on clouds with Chicago roller skates. This ad hails from my March 1926 issue of Child Life. You can bet they had a WAY better March than we just did. What do you make of this lantern-bearing imp?
The stock market was years away from crashing, so Easter was going to be LIT. Who wouldn’t want kraft toys of bunnies and ducks that ROLLED, just like those boss Chicago skates?
Or this disturbing gender-ambiguous amputee? What fun!
Little boys evidently wore ties when they colored and crafted. Mother, look, I dressed like Papa!
But when coloring was done, it was time to pull out the old Lanky Tinker (Tom Tinker’s cousin).
Baby, You Can Check My Tires
Is it me, or does that look like a frosty pint of ale, instead of motor oil?
The attendants were so thoughtful, giving lollipops to youngsters! This was before kids were diabetic, when Mom wore pearls and heels to fill ‘er up.
And Dad wasn’t left in the dark. Roy could talk shop and spill the tea. He was worse than a gossiping hen.
Makes you want to travel on the wide, open road, don’t it, folks? Well, maybe in late May…
Vodka: Because Cops Can’t Smell It
Six To A Booth, Too Many
Even slim-hipped WWII vets can’t make three a comfortable proposition in this booth. Reaching for his Coke, he’d knock a bottle over. How is the fellow in the middle supposed to move? Can he breathe with his pal’s pipe smoke literally four inches from his face?
Mixed Feelings About Ms. Eichmann’s Punch
For All The March Birthday Babies Who Got Robbed This Year
Hair adorned with flower, a hostess at New York’s Stage Door Canteen offers birthday cake to servicemen.
Those of you denied birthday parties may have not even received cake this year. You can’t trust the local bakery to have prepared it covid-free. Perhaps you had to make do with queso de Swiss like Senor Gonzales here.
But from all us at “I Don’t Get It,” here’s wishing you a much better 2021!
I Don't Get It 