More Brother Husbands, Less Sister Wives
Category: Humor
Girls Don’t Make Passes At Boys Who Crochet Doilies
Years ago, when I was single and determined not to repeat the sins of the past, I made a list of what I wanted in the next (and final) man. I have misplaced said list, but I recall that one was that he did not drive a Miata (apparently there were Miatas in spades at the time, and ain’t nobody got time to rebuild the confidence of a man who’s overcompensating), that he did not smoke (I was tired of doing laundry that smelled like a bar), and that he could change his own oil (preferably in his truck). He also could not be vegan nor vegetarian, and he would have to be quick on the draw if Enya popped up on the radio, because Heaven knows I hate me some Enya. Change that station pronto! Apparently I’m not the only one.
But nowhere on that list did it require that he be a skilled yarnswoman or masterquilter or whatever you call one who sews things (other than Chinese minors in factories). When I did finally begin dating my now-husband, he met about 90% of that list. So I took him. Only after we were married, did I realize that a deer-hunting, guitar-playing, camo-clad Texas boy could also operate the pedal of a sewing machine. And when our son inevitably ripped buttons off his clothes or tore his jeans, my husband could fix it. Like Rosey Freaking Grier.
Okay, he wasn’t hunched over with a needle and thread on a shag carpet next to a gold couch, doing a self-portrait, but you get my point. On the seesaw of gender identity, the seesaw weighed heavily on the masculine. But he could still fix my hem of my Ally McBeal power suit if need be, so I could get back to my fluorescent-lit office job, bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan. Yep, that’s me in my Enjoli.
But don’t go thinking we ladies all want sensitive men. We don’t. You can use tools, but you don’t have to be one. Mostly we just want to talk. Sit next to us and listen while we TALK TALK TALK incessantly about whatever is on our minds. Just nod and “hmmm” periodically and let us use up our daily word count, which is approximately 13,000 more words than yours. Case in point:
Friday Night Milk Pong
Because I Don’t Have Time To Wait For Seven Packets Of Sugar To Dissolve
Why isn’t it Sweet ‘N’ Low? With an apostrophe before and after the N? This bothers me. It stands for Sweet And Low, no? Not Sweeten Low. Saccharin be damned; it’s the grammar that concerns me. But isn’t this a cute ad? It’s enough to make me tear open a pink packet and pour it into my next cup of coffee.
Spring Has Sprung!
Hurray! Soon the flowers will be blooming, and the birds will be singing, and the butterflies flitting about, and Nature will get its pollination on. What’s that you say? It’s still freezing cold out?
Don’t shoot the messenger.
Hard Scramble
Satin shorts, striped socks, high-tops–what’s not to like?
A Starburst of Basketballers
Guestbook Line
Publicatications Is A Real Word
If you say it loud enough, you’ll always sound precocious.
Yes, There Is A Dublin, Texas
Hi, Nancy
Hi, Ursula.
What’s the story, morning glory? What’s the tale, nightingale?
Did you hear about Hugo and Kim?
Half-Tinted
I’ve never seen a pair of glasses with only one lens tinted. I cannot fathom why he would wear such a pair, unless he was hiding some horrible disfigurement and, not wanting to be called “pirate” instead of “pappaw,” forewent the eye patch. Qui sait? That, however, is not my only question. What appears to be one slender billy goat’s gruff of a beard, upon further examination looks more like exhaled cigar smoke. But how could it be traveling one way down his chin and then circling back up past his hat? Even the granddaughter looks perplexed.
I Don't Get It 