History – Page 147 – I Don't Get It

No, Virginia, There Were No Rules In 1978

Foolish college boys celebrating victory against OU (University of Oklahoma)

During the 1977 University of Texas football season, the drinking age was 18, probably because boys that age were asked to die in Vietnam. But let’s wrap our heads around that. High school seniors graduating across the country TOMORROW would legally be able to go get LIT tonight. At a bar. Yes, selfie-taking teenagers. The ones who text and drive. The ones who were born in 1996, the year George Burns turned 100. You think they would make it to 100, car-surfing past the Incidentals Market like these dolts?

Alas, we forget how foolish we were in our salad days. This is what it felt like to be young, male, and jubilant in 1978.

Were there no seatbelt laws then? Because it appears they may have failed to Click It or Ticket. I can’t fathom why, but the drinking age was raised to 19 in 1979, and further raised to 21 in 1984. And there it shall stay. And there it SHOULD stay. Egads!

All Hail The Dork King

Hear ye, hear ye! All ye dweebs and jocks, preppies and new-wavers! All hail the dork king, astride his steed (which resembles a dragon, an homage to his Dungeons and Dragons skills).

I played my drum for Him, pa rum pum pum pum.

The crowd goes nuts! A damsel with a parasol tosses Brach’s candies as a sign of support for the new regime!

Competition to be his queen is fierce! Tammy gives him a wink while shamelessly putting her crafty crepe paper skills on display.

Bonnie Tyler lyrics run through her head. She can hardly keep her wits about her.

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?
Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need!

Not to be outdone, Travis plunges through her crepe paper mayhem, as though lassoed by her wiles.

No need to hold out for a hero any longer, Tammy! I am here with my hairless chest and my peachfuzz ‘stache at your command!

Whom shall she choose?

It Is Well With My Soul Glo

Fun fact of the day: Jheri curl creator Jheri Redding (born Robert William Redding) was an American hairdresser, chemist, haircare products entrepreneur, and a businessman. And an old white guy. But that didn’t stop folks from sporting the glossy, loosened curls.

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If you have never watched Coming To America, do yourself a favor and enjoy Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall as the Hope & Crosby pairing for the 1980s. The movie parodied overuse of Jheri Curl in an advertisement for Soul Glo. My eardrums are still pierced from the shrill jingle (Prince meets Minnie Riperton). You remember Eriq La Salle rocking a Jheri? But the woman’s hairdo reminds me of Ola Ray, the luck, luckiest girl in the whole U.S.A. The girl from the Thriller video! The one we all wanted to be–with Michael’s arm around her! Is that blue leopard denim?

And while every senior in this 1985 yearbook wore the same striped tie or strapless gown, not all of them sported Jheri curl. This lady went for volume instead. The gentleman has a curious case of Kenan Thompson eyebrows. See for yourself.

Nobody told Victor he couldn’t wear Stevie Wonder glasses for class portraits. Still, his enormous shades were probably better choices than these three specs:

If you still need your Soul Glo fix, here ’tis:

Hood Ornaments

These two barelegged cowgirls atop a cream-colored BAR-B-Q convertible are too too much! Howdy, y’all!

This lady is clearly more refined in her demeanor.

If Joan Tompkins’ smug recline doesn’t do it for you, then maybe a marching band will. 76 trombones led the big parade…

Any of you ladies ever twirled a baton? I hear fingers have muscle memory, just in case you’re planning any summertime family reunions that require talent contests. You know, like in that movie Dan In Real Life, where Steve Carell sang “Let My Love Open The Door.” Oh, that was so sweeeeet…

Oh, and one more thing. After all the floats pass by, they’re serving barbeque!

Cropping Matters

Relics From The Past

I’m tempted to post a picture of Madonna (the title demands it), but instead, I will share machine-looking things with switches and cords that make things go.

Did you know what a linotypist was?

I recognize two items here: a typewriter AND a phone!

And of course, corded phones that require both a mouthpiece and an earpiece.

I’m afraid this, too, has been relegated to relic status.

The Best Is Yet To Come

I saw this picture in a 1940 yearbook and thought, “That looks a lot like Ol’ Blue Eyes, except for those jacked-up teeth.” Turns out it was Sinatra, and the best (teeth) were yet to come. The Chairman of the Board was not the big draw at the above 1940 Freshman Frolic; that honor went to Tommy Dorsey. Back in 1940, 25-year-old Frank was merely a “boy singer” in Dorsey’s band, earning sufficient funds to fix his teeth.

In fact, another six years would pass before Sinatra released his first studio album, The Voice of Frank Sinatra. He was lucky to get a mention in this partial review.
Don’t worry, Roscoe. He can’t put a hit out on you for saying this, although that does sound like his style. Confrontation he did not shy away from. And it was that spirit that sent him back for another round of dental work years later.

As Paul Anka recalls, a drunk Sinatra, upset that Sands Casino owner Howard Hughes had declined his credit, jumped up on a blackjack table and pitched a fit. When manager Carl Cohen tried to calm him down, Sinatra called him a “fat Jew bas****” and turned over a table. What could Cohen do? Turn the other cheek? Or punch him in the face and send Frank’s teeth flying across the room? He chose the latter.