Category: Humor

Because That’s How Sexy People Pose

http://bad-postcards.tumblr.com/post/48436823519/bad-postcards-the-show#disqus_thread
http://bad-postcards.tumblr.com/post/48436823519/bad-postcards-the-show#disqus_thread

If Pink suddenly developed a Madonna-esque Material Girl fixation with Marilyn Monroe, rushed out to the closest Supercuts for a bad bleach job and an even worse perm, lamented her decision and (in lieu of shaving it all off a la Britney Spears) drank the regret away with Fireball Whisky, jumped aboard a casino boat and (while at the buffet) stole several of their fiesta-themed napkins and fashioned them into a bikini, then (like Natalie Wood) “fell” off the boat and wound up ashore at dawn with a beast of a hangover, briefly considered an alternate career as a driftwood artist, and decided that her first good decision of the day would be to seductively climb aboard a plywood crate, sucking in that tummy–it would look like this.

Not So Spooky In Daylight

October 001

Saturday afternoon, eighty degrees, not a cloud in the sky. But Halloween is in the air, and there are decorations to be found. Clap if you dare!

October 002

Witches seem whimsical.

October 004Except for the Snow White kind, with her chinny-chin-chin. Hey, y’all.

October 008This witch looks like she belongs with the Peanuts gang.

October 016

A pint-sized Dracula gave me a hankering for sugary cereal.

October 014

Count Chocula, anyone?

choc

Totem Time Tuesday

PopMech027

Remember last week when you said you were just itchin’ to find a way to fashion a totem pole out of empty spools? Well, consider yourself scratched.

Imagine how thrilled your husband will be, when he comes home to find this decorative display as a testament to your nine hours of productivity. Dinner and ironing be darned. Look, if you can’t pursue your dreams in a career, you can at least assure yourself that there’s still a trace amount of creativity left in that post-baby body. Remember how good you were at 3rd grade art? That girl’s still in you! And the process could not be easier.

PopMech026In fact, if there’s still wine in the bottle if you have extra energy, you can make this little Mexican hombre with a sombrero and a pincushion butt–sure to delight any visiting friends and family. Hijole! he says, each time you prick him. What a fun conversation-starter!

 

Giant Bi-Racial Maraca Hovers Over Darning Housewife

PopMech025

Nope. Not familiar with a darning egg. But I am familiar with eyestrain, and if she thinks she knows eyestrain, oh, honey–just wait until they invent portable phones!

As if post-war needlework wasn’t complicated enough, this next “novel idea” suggests hooking a window shade to a sewing machine to serve as an extension table. 

PopMech024

Screw eyes and hooks? My sentiments exactly. Forget that. And this last one? Oh, dear. I have no words.

1949 Popular Mechanics: Shortcuts to Better Housekeeping
1949 Popular Mechanics: Shortcuts to Better Housekeeping

 

Looks Like I Picked The Right Decade (in which) To Be A Housewife

1949 Popular Mechanics
1949 Popular Mechanics

This just broke my brain. That is not a flat iron. That is not a Chi. Drying clothes happens inside a house, not near trees. Serious planning and diagramming was involved to just DRY CLOTHES. The woman on the right looks quite vexed, like an angry cat. She needs a box of wine.

http://www.teamjimmyjoe.com/
http://www.teamjimmyjoe.com/

And check out the master of coat hanger origami.

PopMech020Oh, my poor grandmothers! I haven’t hung stockings/hose to dry this century. Does anyone wear pantyhose any more? Is metallurgy required? Does anyone even USE WIRE HANGERS? I sure as H do not. I saw Mommy Dearest. I’m no fool.

And what on earth is this? I can do both the Mashed Potato and the Twist, but not in a bowl of pajamas.

PopMech021

What kind of female McGyver was the housewife of yesteryear supposed to be? She was too busy making avocado melon Jell-O molds to dabble in repurposing kitchen utensils. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

P.S. this looks safe.

PopMech022

 

A Load Of Malarky

wikipedia
The precious ginger child in her Little House on the Prairie ensemble

There are times in your life when you become aware of what seems like it should be such common knowledge, that you are embarrassed it took you this long to know it. You question your upbringing, your education, your ability to retain facts. Such a thing happened to me today, when I learned that Amy Carter, daughter of President Jimmy Carter, had a cat named Misty Malarky Ying Yang.

Being several years younger than Miss Carter, it is forgivable that I did not know this. But how have 40 years passed wherein this has not worked its way into conversation? Why don’t people make reference to such a delightful moniker?

http://artfcity.com/
http://artfcity.com/

It’s true. While in the White House, Amy (who turns 47 today) had a we-are-Siamese-if-you-please kitty cat named Misty Malarky Ying Yang. Ying Yang was the last cat to occupy the White House until the Clintons’ Socks, because only a liberal would be willing to feed and house such an arrogant, ungrateful creature. Just kidding.

So happy birthday, Four Eyes! Yes, Ying Yang looks positively thrilled to be in your arms.

pinterest
pinterest

Kyra Sedgwick In Cigarette Girl Days

smokegirls

A rare shot of Sedgwick in 1948 when she donned a French maid uniform working as a cigarette girl, just prior to scoring her role in the movie Singles. Perhaps you only know her as Kevin Bacon’s better half, or you may be completely unawares, but Sedgwick is descended from serious stock.

http://www.broadwayworld.com/
http://www.broadwayworld.com/

On her father’s side, she is a descendant of Judge Theodore Sedgwick, Endicott Peabody (the founder of the Groton School), William Ellery (a signer of the Declaration of Independence), John Lathrop (American minister) and is the great-granddaughter of Henry Dwight Sedgwick III, and thus the corresponding niece to his brother Ellery Sedgwick, owner/editor (1908-1938) of The Atlantic Monthly. Sedgwick is also a sister of actor Robert Sedgwick, half-sister of jazz guitarist Mike Stern, the first cousin once removed of actress Edie Sedgwick, and a niece of the writer John Sedgwick (wikipedia). Bet you didn’t know any of that.