Tired of walking past those round wooden spindles pre-turn of this century? Ashamed to have guests notice that yellow browncolor that dates your abode? I wouldn’t even want to visit a home with this shade of devil’s stain. Why, it’s the shade of nicotine teeth.
Sure, you could replace them with wrought iron balusters, but isn’t that trite? What you need is to get yourself a big honking coconut tree, get your best stabbing knife, and knotch it up at intervals as make-shift steps!
So rustic! So tropical! Won’t your friends be jealous? Test their agility by testing whether rails were even necessary to make it upstairs or just holding them back. Granted, your own kids may miss bumping down a carpeted stairway in a laundry basket, or being able to carry anything at all, instead of having to carefully clutch the sides of a rough trunk to escape the monsoon. But practice makes perfect! And ladies, no more short skirts. Not on this coconut tree!
Worried you won’t be able to deck them out with Christmas festivity, as in days of yore?
Nonsense! Wrap that sucker up with some classic white LED lights. Just make sure not to step on them as you climb. Ouch!
I’ve never lived in a trailer court or hauled a camper or driven inside a 50s car, or even seen more than three inches of snow in my life. So perhaps that’s the appeal here to me. It all looks so campy and fun! I may not ever build a real snowman before I get to heaven, so I’ll enjoy the pictures instead.
For the more refined sensibilities, you may prefer your holiday pooches in cardinal-dotted doorways of resplendent mansions.
Reminds me of a certain Malt I’ve read about…
Or perhaps you prefer a chillier theme for a most chill dog.
Whichever way you go, make sure you can tell the real ones from the fakes!