Category: Fun
Look, Christmas Is Coming!
That Relative Who Always Has To Be Extra
Cart Before The Horse
In the past couple of days, several of my friends have begun decorating their homes for the holidays. Two of them have confirmed Christmas trees in full regalia, and they’ve received mixed responses on social media. Some declare it’s too early; some say a month isn’t long enough to celebrate. The rule-abiding part of me agrees that convention should be abided by; Friday is the earliest time to fetch those attic boxes.
But then again, the Hallmark Channel has made me a sucker for Christmas movies, so the spirit has been in me for nearly a month. This year, they started showing them BEFORE Halloween, which was fine and dandy with me. Let’s face it; Thanksgiving movies are rare. Thanksgiving songs are rare. I love giving thanks, and I love borderline gluttony. But Christmas is MAGICAL.
I confess I’m itching to put up my Coca-Cola Christmas villages, to lay out the several ornament-themed Christmas kitchen mats that are so soft on my overworked feet, to hang jingle bells on my doors, and lights on the staircase. But we’re HOSTING Thanksgiving this year, so I have to keep it in check. I have to welcome guests into the world of browns and oranges, not red and greens. I may want to burst inside and launch into rounds of “Feliz Navidad,” but I’ll have to be the anti-Elf, restrained, focused on keeping the coffee cups full and not the yuletide gaiety. Not yet, Santa. Not yet.
But I tell you what’s going down that Black Friday morning–that tree goes up. That pre-lit 8-foot tree, my friends. And the magic can commence.
Tonto Tries Out His Michael Caine Accent On Roxie
“I say, old gal, calm down. Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.”
Then he guides her like a true gentleman, to show her how dogs of distinction comport themselves in the suburbs.
He also knighted her for her British service.
And he demonstrated how to keep a stiff upper lip.
I Am The Captain Now (Cone Dog Establishes Herself As Alpha)
Cone Dog finished up her last antibiotic with peanut butter, and her incision is healing nicely. We even gave her the bath of all baths last night–although technically it was a shower. All the layers of multiple animal shelter germs went down the drain, and all her cloth items were freshly laundered, so she can be the Queen of Sheba like crazy dog ladies let their dogs become. It shall not be so! The human is the master. Never defy the Dog Whisperer.
Anyway, we figured it was time to let her cavort with Tonto, eight years her senior, since they will be cellmates friends till death do them part. She quickly established herself as younger, faster, and more energetic.
Who was this demon invading his territory? Why did she want to play? He just wants to lie around in his comfortable obesity and unquenchable need for attention and submissively pee himself, as he has always done. But Cone Dog is the captain now. Cone Dog controls her bladder, and Cone Dog controls Tonto. Tonto’s face says it all. Why couldn’t you have let me be an only dog??
Because, Tonto, God said it was not good for man to be alone. So now your neutered self and her spayed self can have have many years of merriment together. You’re welcome.
All Hallow’s Eve
Hello, Moto
When Overpriced Shoes Only Remind You Of Delicious Tex-Mex
The advertisers may try to bring your eye to their “geometric touches,” but those zigzag white sandal straps put me in mind of the sour cream flourishes on a Chuy’s Tex-Mex platter. 
All this can be yours for just over $10. The shoes? Just over a grand. Which would you prefer? 
Beautiful, Beautiful Nicotina
Crafty Bill Hardesty knows that roses won’t cut it when you’re bestowing a gift upon Elizabeth Greer, aka “Nicotina, Queen of the Tobacco Festival” in Maryland. I seriously did not make that up. Instead, he comes bearing “five hands” of choice, air-cured Maryland tobacco, the secret to long life and prosperity.
Why You Should Get Your PhD In Beverage Studies
You know those McCormick seasonings that you have stashed in your cupboard? The ones that probably should have been tossed and replaced five years ago? Easily half of our spices have the red, white, and blue McCormick label, and our funds help support the desperate research that Mr. William Hall is performing.
All day long, poor Mr. Hall must sit at his desk, teasipping and deciding which flavor, bouquet, and body combine for an ideal blend of tea. Once his palate is exhausted, he pauses to stare out his huge window that overlooks a busy Baltimore pier, where freighters unload cargo from exotic ports.
Nice work if you can get it.
But what, you ask, is even more curious than being a professional teasipper? How about the fact that there is in fact another William Hall currently running the Charleston Tea Plantation–and he is a third-generation tea taster.
If you are one of the many teetotalers among us, unable to visit the trendy wineries and breweries dotting the landscape, rest assured that you can visit the Charleston Tea Plantation instead. Get your sobering beverage fix on.
Per Charleston Living magazine,
The Charleston Tea Plantation has become a tourist attraction, welcoming 75,000 visitors each year to see how tea plants grow and how the tea leaves are harvested and turned into a refreshing glass of iced tea or a warm comforting mug of hot tea.
“I wanted a place to educate people on tea,” Hall said.
Visitors can tour the factory, board a trolley to ride through the acres of historic tea plants and learn all about the rich history of tea in the Lowcountry.
Perhaps, like me, you’d prefer a brimming mug of coffee any morning over some watery hot tea, but the truth is that tea is the second most consumed beverage in the world after water. And Mr. Hall, who lives on the farm, is pretty happy about that.
Yes, We Can
What festive autumn colors! Sixteen-year-old Jacqueline LaVigne, aka Miss Vermont, took part in several 4-H canning projects, using tomatoes from her Essex Center garden. Check out that plastic apron!
This beauty had her hands full at the State Fair in Indianapolis. She was one of the 1,760,000 boys and girls taking part in 4-H Clubs in 1948. During WWII, 4-H club members canned 74 MILLION quarts of food. 
But it wasn’t only 4-H members canning. Home canning reached its peak in 1943, with over 4.1 billion jars canned in homes and community canning centers (Bentley, 1998). 
http://www.nal.usda.govwww.aliexpress.com
I Don't Get It 