Category: Beauty

Pin-Ups Killed Hitler

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Among my favorite WWII books that I keep on hand is United We Stand by Richard J. Perry. It’s full of brightly-colored 1940s images, and you know that’s my bag. Unless otherwise noted, all of today’s images come from this book. While I don’t go in for the nudity in many pin-ups, I do appreciate the artistry, skill, and the motive for hanging them–which was to inspire the GIs. (Incidentally, did you know GI stood for “Government Issue”?)

If it were up to me, all pin-ups would keep their clothes on, and wind would not be constantly blowing their skirts up. They might also not look so surprised about the blustery weather. But I admit when I was young, I thought the Vargas girls were just beautiful. I had no idea they served any purpose other than looking pretty.

Upon whichever end of the spectrum you stand, in this world of rampant internet porn and the demise of the iconic Playboy, it’s hard to argue against the fact that pin-up girls made our boys want to stay alive. They helped win the war. Whether it was on the nose or side of the plane…UnitedWeStand007…or when they smoked (which was often)…

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or on the walls at nightfall…UnitedWeStand003

…these pin-ups reminded our fighting men of home, of their girlfriends, of the home front. Sweet, innocent-looking but scantily clad, hourglass-figured, predominantly wavy-haired young white women. Clean women for dirty thoughts.

I can’t explain it; I’m XX. Women don’t respond to visual stimuli in the manner that men do. We can turn away. We can frankly be bored by it. In fact, I’d wager that if women were doing the fighting, it would be posters of chocolate and wine on the walls. Damn the enemy who takes my freedom to eat dark chocolate pecan delights and sip Riesling! Or maybe the posters would include Matthew McConaughey holding chocolate and wine. But he’d still be wearing pants.

http://www.joblo.com/
http://www.joblo.com/

Well, maybe not. In any event, we’d be more realistic about it. We wouldn’t pretend paper boys looked like this. Extra, extra, my clothes are falling off, and I’m in stilettos!

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Or that petty officers looked like this.

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But if it worked, it worked. Whatever keeps your eye on the prize. Defeat the enemy and come home to touch naked women. Surely the Axis boys had pin-ups, too. Maybe it just came down to which side had the best pin-ups?

Even German hospitals knew what was effective medicine.

http://www.ww2incolor.com/
http://www.ww2incolor.com/

The image of Marika Rokk, famed music star in Nazi Germany, may have helped this wounded German soldier heal. But they still lost.

Like it or not, right or wrong, men like attractive naked women. That’s how they’re hardwired, so there’s no point in faulting that. Look at the interior cabin of any semi truck today. By comparison, WWII pin-ups (whether art or photography) would seem tame. I bet it’s pretty raunchy in that cab. It would probably gross me out. But that’s the price of freedom. And thank God for freedom.

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Preventing Bad Hair Days In The Netherlands

In the early 1900s, Dutch schoolchildren covered their hair with bonnets, presumably to keep errant hairs from falling in their Lunchables and Capri Suns come lunchtime. Nobody likes finding hairs in her food, right? Free from the burden of maintaining stylish locks, they could focus on their studies, rather than their appearance. See how carefree and joyful they look?

The Way We Lived-Reader's Digest
The Way We Lived-Reader’s Digest

These peaked and winged caps often brought out the mischievous nature of the wearer, especially in combination with the bib known as the kraplap (in case crap falls in your lap?).

http://folkcostume.blogspot.com/
http://folkcostume.blogspot.com/

As the century progressed, sassy youngsters tilted their hats back to showcase a good bang day (which this girl clearly was not having, but she’s selling it, so props).

http://www.indochinavoyages.com/where-do-these-hats-come-from/
http://www.indochinavoyages.com/where-do-these-hats-come-from/

In modern times, tradition has not faded, as evidenced by this ruddy-cheeked girl from Volendam, North Holland in the Netherlands. It’s so high, it could conceal a rooster’s comb.

http://www.laanyacht.nl/
http://www.laanyacht.nl/

Not your cup of tea? Well, I wouldn’t let the Dutch know, as they are the tallest people on the planet, and could probably pummel you. On average, its women stand 5.6 feet tall, and its men over six feet. Add the bonnet, and they’re giants.

Brow Be Gone

Western Hills High School, Ft Worth, TX
Western Hills High School, Ft Worth, TX

In the late 1970s, the powers that be decided that foreheads were only useful as a canvas to showcase bangs, and forehead skin should be hidden altogether. By the fall of 1979, most hip teens had followed suit and were ready freddy for school picture day.

Even Caucasion afros came forward. Baby, you make my love come down.

Often, blond boys were indistinguishable from blond girls.

Then there’s this style, which would later morph into the “He wants you, too, Malachi” style from Children of the Corn.

Fashion’s dictates did not exclude any creed nor color. Rules is rules.

This girl missed the memo. She thought Marcia Brady was still groovy. By January, she was being homeschooled.

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Judge Reinhold got the memo, but he got it late. Bless his heart.

Catamount80033Covered foreheads made dudes look hot, like poor men’s Oak Ridge Boys. How did the ladies ever decide upon a suitor?

Coveted styles included The Future Domestic Violencer, The Camaro On Blocks, and The 7-11 Graveyard Shift.

But if the goal was to entirely cover the forehead, to the extent that one’s eyesight was in peril, then there could only be one victor. Steve Wagner, you were that man.

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Football Stadium Barely Large Enough To Contain This Level Of Fabulous

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The fabulous Martha Cartwright, 1949’s Sweetheart of the University of Texas, chats with poor-man’s Gregory Peck, clearly not ready for this jelly. Woman at right seems to concur. So not ready for that jelly.

Any beauty queen worth her mettle knows you have to bring in spring with some drama. Martha liked to walk the rock wall in her kelly green frock. Supermodel, work.

UT Austin, 1949
UT Austin, 1949

Thankfully, she still had time to clown around at the SMU game with Ace, Phyllis, and John. What a ham!

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Abierto, Cerrado

Abierto

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Cerrado

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Looking at the hibiscus flowers this morning, I was reminded of the old Sesame Street sketch Abierto, Cerrado from the 1970s. What looks so shriveled and meh when it’s closed, becomes pink and gorgeous when it opens. I bet Maxwell the Dog has seen his share of hibiscus flowers. Eh, Max?

Too Much Powdering Your Nose

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I love this image. The little collars and cardigans, skirts and mod flips, the coiled phone cord, the more mature, white-nosed woman whose fingers cover the “ic” so that it reads just Panhellen. I like to think that’s her name. Panhellen. Brilliant!

Life Goes For The Jugular

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Not only does this 1949 Life article on model Brynn Noring (aka Brynhild Andrea Johnson) dis her “simple outfit” as too pedestrian to help her would-be movie career, but offers a double dis to the diminutive, sphere-shaped fellow waddling in the background.

And who could argue the point? Heels, gloves, long skirt, necklace–it reeks of laziness. Like she threw it on just to go pick up skim milk at Wal-Mart.

And as to the patron of the Fat Men’s Shop, my mind immediately went to Oliver Hardy, pictured here with Stan Laurel.

http://cartoonatics.blogspot.com/
http://cartoonatics.blogspot.com/

And hey, you guys, did y’all know that Hardy lost quite a bit of weight at the end of his life? Yup. He went on a crash diet and died of a stroke the following year. Check out this last pic of the twosome.

reddit.com
reddit.com