Cap ‘n’ Gowntime

Graduate

Recession be damned!  The world awaits you, graduating seniors–who were born when Shania Twain hit the video scene, cavorting about in midriff-baring vests like a show pony, which, incidentally, seems like it happened early Tuesday.  See how time flies? No matter!  You’re a high school graduate now.  March into college with your chin held high!  Inevitable burden of student debt be damned!

Can’t you see the looks on those happy teen’s faces above?  The world is your oyster!  Actually, that guy has quite a firm set of crow’s feet there, doesn’t he?  And that receding hairline.  Is he a senior or a senior?   Whatever, I’m getting sidetracked.  The point is, high school is over.  So over.  So yay!  Although you will think about it intermittently over the next few decades, as you fret over lost relationships or struggle with regret and forgiveness and bitterness.

But whatever–your generation has the benefit of social media!  Like, you GREW UP with it already existing.  You know all about apps and tweets and those stupid things like L8R that young people text, which isn’t even connected to proper English.  Do you even know how to write cursive?

Anyway, the point is that life is like lying on a bed of daisies from here on out.  That picture reveals all.  Granted, it was taken in June 1941, so I guess those teens are your grandparent’s age?  Oh, great-grandparents?  Damn.  Well, look how happy they were.  Maybe technically we weren’t fighting in WWII yet, so the future looked bright at that moment.  Of course, by December, there was Pearl Harbor and then you know what followed.  Oh, you don’t?  WTH?  Don’t they teach History anymore?

http://www.memecenter.com
http://www.memecenter.com

So what happened was the Allies won ultimately.  Cool, huh?   And then there was peace and young people moved into cookie cutter houses like Levittown and all was right.  Except then there was the Korean War.  And the Cold War.  And Vietnam.  That one didn’t work out; you can see the aftermath of that on street corners. You’ve probably never heard of the Falkland Island War or Desert Storm…  Anyway, the Berlin Wall came down, so it’s all good.  Except for the Middle East and North Korea and the debt to China.  But things will totally work out. Ebb and flow, you guys.  You got this.  Totally.

And just in case you’ve never heard this SUNSCREEN song (which I still cannot FATHOM is as old as YOU ARE), take heed:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5NAPZp2w-o.  It’s a way better motivational speech than I could ever give.

Dream Big, They Said

Fred's Lounge, Mamou, LA, 1977
Fred’s Lounge, Mamou, LA, 1977

Here it is in a nutshell: the reality of 1:30am bar life.  Verbena sees the 2:00am last call on the horizon.  Semisonic will play “Closing Time,” and the jukebox will stop, the lights will come up, and the illusion will shatter.  But in this brief moment, with Lloyd’s arm around her, his warm bourbony breath on her cheeks, and fiery hot nuts so accessible and so amazingly affordable, life is good.

This is one of the most telling portraits from Henry Horenstein’s book HonkyTonk, a book of fascinating black and white portraits he took mostly from the country and western scene in the 1970s.  It’s hard to narrow a brief selection down, but there are sites that showcase many of them, such as http://clampart.com/2012/07/honky-tonk-portraits-of-country-music-2/#/13.  However, I prefer to leaf through the book itself and create my own back stories.

Is Earl waxing nostalgic for his salad days, missing the boys in his high school rockabilly band, before the tattoos and the Kool habit?  Before Arlene cheated with Vernon, his supposed best friend, and then a twister took Vernon to his maker, and isn’t that sweet justice?

Hillbilly Ranch, Boston, MA, 1972
Hillbilly Ranch, Boston, MA, 1972

Lookin’ for love in all the right places.

Tootsies Orchid Lounge, Nashville, TN 1975
Tootsies Orchid Lounge, Nashville, TN 1975

Last call indeed.

Tootsies Orchid Lounge, Nashville, TN  1974
Tootsies Orchid Lounge, Nashville, TN 1974

License & Registration Please

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Memorial Day seems as fitting a day as ever to begin our weeklong (we’ll see about that) Texas Dept of Public Safety pictorial history retrospective, seeing as many officers lost their lives in the line of duty.  However, today’s focus is not on lost life, but on the superbadassness of the department from 1935-1980.  I realize this seems hyperspecialized, but these pics are a treasure trove of early law enforcement, as well as insight into the long-gone TWENTIETH CENTURY.  You will witness early outdated, inefficient ways of doing things, like searching for fingerprints by hand and how to confirm if someone is a doublecrossing liar.

prints&polygraphs

See how people used to communicate with typing thingies and wirey boxes.

typingthingies

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Experience the communications hub, the leader in advanced technology.

hub

You will meet important characters, like Pop and Paul!

Pop

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Shoot the breeze with Viola and Barbara, both fashioned from the hands of Jim Henson!

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And FYI, Mr. Curb is not about to take any crap from you today.

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So join me as we take a long stroll through the halls of public safety.  Drive safely!

Yucca Part Deux

012All hail Nikki Hendricks, the North Texas 1946 Football Queen.  Watch her ride “in royal splendor.”  I think we both know which one is Nikki and which one wishes she were Nikki.

013And here is a rare shot of Tina Fey’s grandmother, Dude Neville McCloud.  That’s what it says, folks.  Click to enlarge if you don’t believe.

news serviceNote the publicity staff “during a busy hour.”  Mercy, how bustling.  The supervisor checks for typing errors while one girl evidently knits and glares.

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Below is the W.R.A. tumbling team.  One of the support gals in the middle appears to have sprained her eye.

014Hey, remember Time & Temperature?

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Oh, how I wish I could have been a Trojan’s date to the Sadie Hawkins Dance.  The one with the eyebrows, sitting on the haystack.

016Let’s end with this portrait of the Baptist Student Union Council.

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Just take a moment to really absorb the Doublemint Twins in the front row,  Yes, F. Day and J. Day.  Perhaps it was in honor of D-Day and VJ-Day?   You can see the disdain all over F. Day’s face.  But J. Day.  Oh, J. Day.  She looks like she smelled a fart.

Now look to J. Day’s left.  Another set of twins!  Dang, Baptists!  Way to be fruitful and multiply.  Janel and Janet Barr.  I know, super creative, right?  You just KNOW people rhymed her name with “channel” instead of the exoticish J’Nelle. That’s why Janel is fidgeting with her fingers. In the twin crapshoot, she got the bad name.   And Janet is so over this.  She threw off her jacket in a fit of rage only moments before the shoot.  She’s all Oh, yes, please let me dress in identical clothing like those damn Day hussies.  Like we’re toddlers.  As if.  Can’t people SEE we’re fraternal?  Look at her.  I bet she wasn’t Baptist for long.

The 1947 Yucca, Part I

Today we’re going back to 1947, to a post-war era at North Texas State University, when women looked like the Andrews Sisters and frat boys took preventative measures against osteoporosis.

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I love the pretty print dresses on these ladies.

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Even just one row from the yearbook can reveal a lot.

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Let’s hope for his sake, that “Dwyane” was misspelled.  But check out his two-tiered locks.  And what about John’s tousled look?  Sexy.  I’m certain he knows his way around a tractor. And Fred’s sharp threads are pretty snappy.  I’m afraid these ladies’ names have gone by the wayside.  Any preschools catering to Margie, Betty, or Ada Jo these days?

Yes, Virginia, there was life before iPods and iPads.  Youth culture existed free from technology.  Before Supercuts and Starbucks, there were barber shops and coffee shops.  Look at that TEENSY coffee cup!  No blue tooth in sight.  People were actually looking UP.

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Such was life in “Collegetown.”  Stay tuned for Part II!

the corner

Manly Mane O’ Glory

Three months into blogging, clearly there is plenty that I don’t get.  My inability to grasp things may allow endless blogging fodder for years to come.  Here’s one such item: The site http://www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com/ has existed since I was in my TWENTIES.  It was a hoot back then, if for nothing more than the sheer volume of men who actually did resemble Kenny Rogers.  Please tell me how this site can remain up for soooo long, and yet there is no site yet devoted to Barry Gibb’s glorious lionesque mane?

If you don’t know who Barry Gibb is, I forgive you.  I do resent, however, having to explain that he was the eldest of the three Brothers Gibb, which consisted of his twin brothers, Robin & Maurice, now both deceased.  They peaked with the disco soundtrack of Saturday Night Fever, gracing the cover in tight white suits.  Say what you will about disco (R.I.P.), but they sold a crapload of records, over 220 million. That’s more books than any of us can hope to publish.  Combined.  And they wrote all their own songs, as well as hits by other artists, including “Grease” and “Islands In The Stream.”  No kidding.

But it’s not their tight three part harmonies that deserve a website; it’s the tresses of the elder brother.  Barry’s hair was glorious from the get-go.  Even in the late 60s, he was rocking Elvis sideburns with style (and a white suit).

http://healthcollege.edu.pl/
http://healthcollege.edu.pl/

Like Samson and his strength, so, too, was Barry’s sexiness connected to his lovely locks.   Here he is all Farrah Fawcett, minus the Mexican blanket.

http://healthcollege.edu.pl/
http://healthcollege.edu.pl/

Is it any wonder children purchased these lunchboxes in droves?

www.estsy.com
http://www.estsy.com

Note the halo effect, as though he were the archangel Barry.  Perhaps that’s just the heat generated from his Saturday Night Fever.

And just when you thought he couldn’t feather it anymore–BAM!–superultrafeathered. In combination with the brooding bedtime eyes, gold chain, and chest hair, you can almost imagine the puddles of testosterone seeping out of his pores.

http://www.gossiprocks.com/
http://www.gossiprocks.com/

And this?  This is how Grizzly Adams saw himself in dreams.

http://www.gossiprocks.com/
http://www.gossiprocks.com/

Here we see the Bee Gees with younger brother, Andy, a solo artist in his own right, also deceased.  Even with Andy’s good looks, his hair was still no match for the wild and woolly Barry Gibb.  You can see it in Barry’s stance; he knows he is the alpha Gibb.

http://www.gossiprocks.com/
http://www.gossiprocks.com/

You know, this pic has got me wondering–if men receive their hair pattern gene from their maternal grandfather, how could one brother be bald and one brother be blessed with a thickness and volume of crown otherwise unknown to man?  Don’t they all have the same maternal grandfather?  I am vexed.

Time has thinned his mane and turned it silver, but a trace of its glory exists.  Not enough for me to add it to this fine collection of pictures, but you get the point.  You had a good run, Barry.  Longer than most of us could ever dream of.  And that’s no Jive Talkin’.

Sitting Pretty

Hey, Einstein, why are you wearing ladies’ sandals?  It’s the theory of RELATIVITY, not femininity.

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

And what about Marion Morrison, the butchest guy of all time?  The virtual paragon of manhood?  What is this get-up?  No, I won’t mess with The Duke.  After all, he said, “I don’t have to assert my virility. I think my career has shown that I’m not exactly a pantywaist.”

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

Okay, you two, you can keep your man cards.  But it takes a REAL man to sit patiently through this.

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

I hope he had a steady hand…

To Everything (Turniture! Turniture! Turniture!)

http://www.retronaut.com/
http://www.retronaut.com/

You know you want this.  Toss this into your hatchback, head to the park, and bam–a picnic.  Flip it over and bam–a playpen.  Go back home, lob it on its side, and serve your friends up some Amaretto Sours in style.  Later, after the guests leave, strap your mod boots on and rock and rock and rock.  Now that’s what I call a Good Friday.

Ale In The Springtime

painting by Edward Augustiny
painting by Edward Augustiny

Is Gramps exhausted from potting plants, feebleminded, or just overjoyed that the woman behind him poured just the right amount of head into his glass?  To me, it appears as thought the pretty colors and bubbles have him entranced.  Limit yourself to one glass, okay?  Remember what the doctor said about mixing Coumadin and alcohol?

schlitz1

Look how Rick holds that glass of Schlitz up, just of out reach for poor Joanne Woodward’s body double.  Is he wearing pajamas?  Why don’t her gloves match?  I don’t get it.  This is all very donkey and carrot to me.

painting by John Gannam
painting by John Gannam

I believe this depiction represents the best of both worlds, Hannah Montana.  Gardening is getting done AND beer is being enjoyed.  He has his own glass; she has hers.  The weather is lovely.  He’s pensive; is that a mortgage bill in his hand?  Who cares?  With argyle socks and a butterfly apron, you can never go wrong.