Barb Comes Clean About Stomach Woes
Category: Funny
When Connie Smelt It But Barb Dealt It
Irate Bull Has A Cow Over Spilled Jam
Not How I Eat Caramel Apples
Underwood Or Underworld?
While a tiger might seem a reach to sell Frosted Flakes, Satan selling pork products make even less sense, especially in 1949, when prayer still existed in public schools. I get it; it’s “deviled” ham, ground and spiced. But I don’t like my ham ground. I like it in thin peppery deli slices, like the ones I purchased this morning.
Deviled eggs, yes. Deviled ham, no.
Canned kipper, tuna, oysters–these I’m fine with. I can see their bony spines. I know it was one sardine I’m eating, not a grind of the worst parts of the pig, processed from 1000 swine into one little can.
Cracked.com reviewed several potted meats, referring to the “coating of newborn-esque vernix” that covered the moist meat (shudders). I hope the reviewer was compensated generously.
I know some of you eat Spam (ground pork shoulder–mostly) but I fear it’s full of hooves and tails. Maybe that’s why Satan makes sense for deviled ham; he has cloven feet. Jesus certainly couldn’t be the pitch man; he never even tasted pork because he was Jewish. And you can’t fashion a newborn manger Jesus out of deviled ham. These could use a little more paprika.
That Same Story Your Spouse Tells To New People
Try New Things, They Said
Blindfolded college student Pat Mann bravely jumps from a floor plank to a pan of ice water during a tropical party. Her lei is made of carnations, while the skirt is not grass, but rather nylon and “shrouds of parachute.” Have you any parachute shroud clothing in your closet?
Decorating The Nativity
Everyone knows the manger was lined with marigold silk. It’s just a matter of draping.
Shepherds watched their flocks by night, gripping staffs of Reynolds Wrap.
What do you suppose that fellow on the ladder is doing?
Soda Machine Logo
This one, I surely don’t get. Try as I might, all I see is a man taking healthy strides while holding his laptop straight out ahead of him. As I missing something?
Ayds Keeps You Trim
Mona, that’s all well and good, but before you get to the weight loss secret, please explain why your child appears to be both barefoot and topless in a nationwide ad-VERR-tiz-mint. Surely a Hollywood A-lister such as yourself could spring for a blouse and sandals, unless you spent all your money on Ayds.
Now, see here, we’d usually end this post at this point. But I fear you’ll go Googling Ms. Freeman, and you might wind up at WikiFeet by accident, as I did, a site for freaks who enjoy celebrity feet. So to spare you such heathenism, I’ll share this shot of Mona and Tony Curtis learning sign language on the set of the movie “Flesh and Fury,” wherein Curtis played a deaf-mute prizefighter.
And here she is with Roy and Dale, wearing a belted gingham dress that shows off her Ayds waist.
In this shot, she and Jane Russell talk smack about the peons at Paramount.
And finally, a shot of her with leading man, William Holden, while filming “The Streets of Laredo,” incidentally also the name of a New Zealand folk band.
Oh, to be young and lithe!
Twinning With Your BFF Post-Pandemic
Ed Price, the person of nominally lighter color, volunteers in ceremonial dress while a Sarawak gives him a temporary sample of sea dyak tattoos, tribal art from Borneo. What do you think? Too much?
Bambi Goes Goth
I Don't Get It 