Before The Demise Of The Typing Class

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Cactus 1937

The stern-faced Miss Florence Stullken looks about as happy teaching typing to her class in 1937 as Miss Bass looked teaching my typing class over 40 years later. I did not like Miss Bass. She was tall and bony and ornery and she knew when you made an error because there was no delete button then, only White-Out, and that was messy. I despised when she taped a sheet of paper over my fingers so I couldn’t look at them, but by golly, I learned to type. And at one point, I was typing 80 wpm. But I haven’t taken a test in years.

My teen thinks he can type correctly; he can hunt and peck. But he (along with the other kids of his generation) never took a typing class. Or a cursive class. In fact, cursive genuinely stumps them. It’s like a foreign language.

But back in 1937, typing was part of “modern business administration,” as was this nifty machine. The fellow here is compiling and using statistics. For the life of me, I couldn’t tell you what he’s touching, although Monroe made it, and probably not in China.

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If you learned how to type properly (and your shorthand wasn’t bad), you could score a keen secretary job, like Miss Dorothy Ayres.

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Just imagine answering only one telephone line. No monitor to stare at. No basic Freecell or Minesweeper to play during the tedium. Perhaps not even air-conditioning. Ignorant of what was trending because nothing was trending. No rock ‘n’ roll on the radio; she’d be grey-haired by the time rock became popular. It wasn’t until the next year that The Fair Labor Standards Act would even create a national minimum wage. But, hey, she was a woman with a job during The Great Depression, so she was doing pretty well.

And speaking of women doing well, here’s the inventor of Liquid Paper. Remember how it would clump and get sticky and eventually make the paper so wet that a hole would tear through?

bette-nesmithYep, that’s Bette Nesmith Graham (mother to lanky Michael Nesmith, of the 1960s band The Monkees) who invented the first correction fluid in her kitchen in 1951.

These days, this rolling tape is much more user friendly.

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Things They Did Before The Amazing Interwebs, Part II

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They dried dishes, while breaking down gender stereotypes and rocking festive aprons.

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They wrapped books in brown paper packages tied up with string and sent them to unfortunate children who would have preferred cookies or even oranges.

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They listened to “Fifth Street Blues” by The Royals on a Frisbee-sized 78, interpreting lyrics as related to the modern life of a 1950s housewife. Bye, baby, bye…

And on the weekends, they gussied up in dresses and sat in lawn chairs and pet dalmatians.

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Things They Did Before The Amazing Interwebs, Part I

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They read the newspaper until their fingertips were black with ink, often in groups referred to as “tree quartets.” Reading something made of a tree while touching a tree (and evidently a shoulder) connected them to nature.

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Vision-deficient boys inflated balls with adult supervision, while parents consoled themselves that, while their son would never make point guard, he made a heck of a ball boy. And look–it’s his third college admissions letter!

Comet51-019They gathered round the piano for a rousing good time, except for Mavourneen and Chester, whose dour faces reflect their recent break-up. Nothing a little “Come On-A My House” can’t fix!

Relics From The Past

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I’m tempted to post a picture of Madonna (the title demands it), but instead, I will share machine-looking things with switches and cords that make things go.

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Did you know what a linotypist was?

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I recognize two items here: a typewriter AND a phone!

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And of course, corded phones that require both a mouthpiece and an earpiece.

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I’m afraid this, too, has been relegated to relic status.

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New iPhone 6 Is The Bomb

KU-Fall40004P.S. You don’t need a new phone. It won’t make you cool. It won’t make people like you. It just means you’re desperate to obtain the latest gadget to make yourself feel important. You are already important. Keep your current phone. And stop dropping it in the toilet.

 

You Mean We Don’t Need Seven Remotes For One TV?

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Back in the day, all you needed was four buttons to access ALL 82 channels. That’s right up my alley. Simplicity. Why have we made this so complicated from what it was in 1980?

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Jupiter is still a bonafide planet, right?

The new RCA FD500 had everything one could want, including programming a week’s worth of shows. Who needs TIVO? Not only did it shut itself off after The Late Show, but it could turn your lamps off and on intermittently to ward off would-be robbers and thugs. Let’s hope they didn’t know you had scored the latest RCA, or you were done for! Even the AutoProgrammer could wake you up. No alarm needed!

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And the colors were so vibrant! See how right the colors can be.

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Yep, I think that’s pretty much all the colors.

I recall we were all a lot thinner then, but THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Somebody feed her! She is about to collapse under the weight of her videocamera!

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And if you’re gonna do it, do it right. Don’t skimp on lesser models when you could go full on stately cabinet, pecan-veneered Marandino.

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Or the Glenrich, a contemporary highboy. Oh, that’s a good name for a blog, come to think of it. Maybe I’ll change mine. Anyhoo, the point is not to skimp. You want to watch Thursday’s Mork and Mindy and Bosom Buddies in style, don’t you? Just think, you could be THIS guy.

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