Kiss These Angels Good Morning

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These gorgeous gals can hardly contain themselves, anticipating the opening number at the Charley Pride concert. They are duded up and ready to get their country music on. What is that, you say? Who is Charley Pride? I can’t hear you over the squeaking of her leather jacket as she shifts uncomfortably against the wallet in her back pocket. Charley Pride is a country music singer who had hits in the 70s and 80s, scoring his 29th No. 1 in 1983 with “Night Games.” Back then, he was a pretty big deal.

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Apparently, Charley Pride has been forgotten. I did not know it until I saw this picture. I assumed he was very much remembered, since everyone and their dog wants to call Darius “Don’t Call Me Hootie” Rucker the modern-day Mr. Pride. True, they have the honor of being the only two African-American artists to have solo No. 1 hits in the Country Music genre, but Charley is a traditionalist, and Darius is a crossover artist, writing his own songs as well as scoring hits with covers like “Wagon Wheel,” originally co-written by Bob Dylan.

If you know anything about me by now (aside from the fact that I don’t get it), you know Mama likes her ties, even this silk handkerchief thingy that isn’t really a tie. A man who wears this can never truly be forgotten. Especially since he’s still alive.

http://mykindofcountry.wordpress.com/
http://mykindofcountry.wordpress.com/

Now I’ll tell you who’s really been forgotten. Eddie Rabbitt. God rest his soul, he has been forgotten. Case in point: I waltzed into the local Best Buy nigh on seven years ago, back when people still purchased CDs, looking for a “best of” collection. I grabbed one of the associates, bordering on the edge of adolescence. He had never heard of Mr. Rabbitt, but he went to his trusty keyboard at the end of the aisle, punched in the name, and came up with…nothing. What? Who erased Eddie Rabbitt from existence? Who does Worst Buy think they are? I put a hex on them that day to perish in the manner of Blockbuster Video, and mark my word, they will. As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like an empress above the Serengeti.

I said, “Boy! Go fetch me your most elder statesman, for I wish to speak with him.” Eventually, a schlubbier version of gawky teen made his way over to me, and he could not have yet been thirty. I told him I wanted to hear “I Love A Rainy Night.” This ditty he could not recall.

“What about ‘Driving My Life Away?’ You remember that one about the windshield wipers?”

“No.  No, I don’t.” At that point, he sounded just like Robin Gibb on The Barry Gibb Talk Show, but I figured making reference to the Brothers Gibb would get us nowhere.

“Surely you bought the Soft Love Adult Contemporary three cassette collection from a late-night infomercial in the 80s like I did, the one that contained Rabbitt’s hit with Crystal Gayle, ‘You And I.’ “

His eyebrows raised. “The lady with the long-ass hair?”

“Yes, her!” Victory was in sight.

“I know her. But I don’t know that song.”

Exasperated, I explained, “He wrote ‘Kentucky Rain’ for Elvis. Have you heard of Elvis?”

“Elvis, yes. Kentucky, yes. Eddie Rabbitt, no.” And even though he was only saying the words, I knew that he was misspelling Rabbitt in his mind. Curse him.

Ugh. So don’t cry for Charley Pride, Argentina. Cry for Eddie Rabbitt and his smoldering bedroom eyes.

http://www.musicstack.com/
http://www.musicstack.com/

Mapache’s Gettin’ Big and Mapache’s Gettin’ Bigger

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Today’s Spanish word of the day is mapache. Mapache. You know, like Apache Indians. It’s totally fun to say. It means raccoon. Wouldn’t mapaches be a great mascot for a team? They are certainly more menacing than Delta State University’s Fighting Okra.

http://www.degreeconnection.info/our-favorite-mascots
http://www.degreeconnection.info/our-favorite-mascots

Don’t get me wrong; that vegetable looks tough. But he lends himself to getting beat easily, or “fried” or “stewed” or “chopped.” That’s no good. But not this guy. He’s clever. He’s sneaky. He’s crafty. And he’s just my type.

coon

Does he remind you of anyone?

http://gifrific.com/mr-burns-saying-excellent/
http://gifrific.com/mr-burns-saying-excellent/

Hungry Eyes

Aerie53034Nobody puts Baby in a corner, unless it’s a corner drug store. After performing the iconic lift scene with Johnny, Baby took a break with a malted down at Cunningham’s Drug Store. Looks like she had the time of her life.

jennifergrey

What Does The Owl Say?

http://www.televue.com/
http://www.televue.com/

The Barred Owl is also known as the Hoot Owl and the Eight Hooter and the Rain Owl and the Wood Owl and the Striped Owl. Oh, my goodness, I think that’s all the adjectives and nouns that exist. We saw this sign at the Nature & Science Center and cracked up at the mating call of the barred owls:

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Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you all?  Is that a rhetorical question?

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Actually, where I live, it should be, “Who cooks for y’all?” But owls probably don’t have a regional dialect.

Free Milk; No Cow Purchase Necessary

Oh, sure, it starts out innocently enough, the rush of adrenaline as you bare your calf to fifth-grade boys. But it isn’t enough. And Liquid Paper and Sharpies haven’t been invented yet, so you can’t huff them in the calm quiet of a restroom stall. But rebellion is in your blood, and you seek the thrill.

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Soon you’re smoking Pall Malls to see who can get esophageal cancer first .

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By college, you’ve gone all Sister Wives. 

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You’ve lost your self-respect. You consider relocating to Salt Lake City. But then Dorko McGoober here kicks you out of the tribe. You’re alone. All you have are your vices. You avoid your grandmother’s phone calls. You stop taking multivitamins. You rat your hair. You accept a date from a greaser, and it all goes downhill from there.

http://www.vice.com/read/raggare-love-hot-rods-and-rock-n-roll-000926-v20n2
http://www.vice.com/read/raggare-love-hot-rods-and-rock-n-roll-000926-v20n2

He dumps you after three weeks. You turn to the dark world of roller derby.

http://youthvoices.net/discussion/roller-derby-circa-1950
http://youthvoices.net/discussion/roller-derby-circa-1950

But your mood swings are unmanageable. You get into fights with that hussy, Rhonda. You have to be pried apart. The manager tells you they have to let you go; you’re no good for business. You’re washed up, kid.

http://cherylsrecipejourney.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-night-out-at-roller-derby.html
http://cherylsrecipejourney.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-night-out-at-roller-derby.html

And then you hit rock bottom. You take a job as an “entertainer” at Jack Ruby’s Carousel Club. You tell yourself it’s just temporary.

http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/ruby.htm
http://mcadams.posc.mu.edu/ruby.htm

You look in the mirror, and suddenly 50 years have passed. Where did they go? What do you do now?

http://www.reviewjournal.com/news/las-vegas/burlesque-icon-dixie-evans-dies-age-86
http://www.reviewjournal.com/news/las-vegas/burlesque-icon-dixie-evans-dies-age-86

Don’t give away free milk, ladies. It’s a downward spiral.

When Steve McQueen Says You’re Hot, People Listen

Sooner64020

The 1964 yearbook staff at the University of Oklahoma had the juevos to ask Steve McQueen to participate as “Beauty Judge” for their beauty contest. He actually took the time to reply.

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Ask and ye shall receive. After all, years of girl-gazing did qualify him to judge. And he chose Miss Barbie Listen. Yep, that’s her real name.

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Can you blame him? Her hair is only perfect. Her dress and gloves are white as snow. And I think it was very diplomatic of him to name five girls in the tie for 4th place. Nobody wants to be the loser. But I imagine Barbie Listen comes from the school of Ricky Bobby:

you're last

Suck it, losers.

Catholic Girls Start Much Too Late

Sunbeam59001

“Catholic girls start much too late.” That’s what Billy Joel says, anyway. But these Catholic girls look decades ahead of their time; heads bowed down, as if texting or finding apps for their smartphones at http://www.howtopraytherosary.com.

Sunbeam59004Growing up, I knew very few people who attended church and absolutely no one who attended Catholic church. I don’t even know if there was a Catholic school within twenty miles. All I know of Catholic school are the horror stories adults have told about knuckle-rapping nuns and fear of the confessional. I admit there is something eerie about these kneeling, chapel veil-adorned students and the halo surrounding them.

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But I don’t know enough about Catholicism to condemn it, so I’ll leave that to Madonna. Sacrilegious is her middle name. In any event, this looks innocent enough.

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Like most high school students, these young ladies had the opportunity to dissect “reckless amphibians.” Perhaps that was a small outlet for raging teenage hormones.

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Uniforms prevented them from dressing hoochie-mama, and also made it more difficult to determine the poor from the middle class. Nobody was drinking Tab or Diet Coke or Monster; milk was doing their bodies good.

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Without the distraction of boys, it was easier to remain chaste and avoid temptation. If you played your cards right, you could wind up with the coveted prize. Hope they hooked a good one!

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Thirty-Five Cent Flick

Schreiner001

When I was young, there was a dollar movie theater in town, where you could view not-so-recent movies or rescreenings of Ishtar. I also recall going skating on Wednesdays for dollar skate night. But I am not old enough to recall paying a quarter and a dime for a movie. This I cannot fathom. How much was a Coke? A nickel?

An Image To Warm You On A Winter’s Day

(spoiler alert: this is not the warm image)

Yes, it’s Elvis’s birthday today. It is my intention to brave the blustery polar vortex and go to Chuy’s Tex-Mex to consume an Elvis Presley Memorial Combo in his honor. New Year’s Resolution be damned. It is my obligation as an American citizen.

http://Photos of Chuy's - Restaurant Images
This photo of Chuy’s is courtesy of TripAdvisor.

Mercy, that looks delicious! But today’s post is not about The King of Rock n Roll; it’s about The King of Pop. You see, my 12-year-old self would have considered it an epic failure on my part to not have been married to Michael Jackson by this point. That was, after all, my master plan. And probably that of a million billion other adolescent girls. And we all failed. Except ironically, for the daughter of the King of Rock. And Debbie Rowe, but she doesn’t count.

lisa

No matter that he no longer walks the earth. My 12-year-old self would be disappointed. He was the reason we hit “play” and “record” simultaneously on our jambox that sat atop the television on the night the Thriller video premiered. No, we didn’t have a VCR yet. He was the reason my best friend and I learned to moonwalk in our Bill Blass socks on my parents’ hardwood floors. He was the reason we wore our red zippered Beat It jackets (not ironically, of course) to school and then promptly retired them out of humiliation because for some reason, sixth grade white girls couldn’t quite carry the look. In our defense, we did weigh 115 lbs at that point, just like he did.

I think it’s safe to say that most current musical artists were influenced by Michael Jackson. I imagine his influence spread into other art genres as well. But I was not aware of the magnitude of this until my friend posted this glorious image on facebook today. Apparently she was googling “exotic flowers,” and this gem appeared:

mj

I know what you’re thinking. Sometimes words can’t express our emotions, our awe, our wonder. In that sense, this artwork is like the Grand Canyon. I was only an Art Major for two years before changing to a legit degree (just kidding, art majors), so I am clearly not the authority on this. But I can say that never has there been such a depiction of the soft femininity of flowers balanced with the rugged machismo of Michael Jackson.

Needless to say, there was an instant barrage of comments, including:

  • that’s a pretty young lady
  • Why? Why? Tell them that it’s human nature.
  •  i want this person to be my next family photographer.
  • Are those cornrows? Seriously?
  • i can give your whole family cornrows after your family photographs if you want that with exotic flowers in your hair…lol
  • Is there alcohol in your coffee this morning?
  • Looks like an Herbal Esssence commercial!
  • Much magical.
  • Does anyone else feel compelled to go purchase Summer’s Eve products?
  • I like how the photo looks wet…
  • Or sweaty
I felt it was my duty to share this beautiful artwork with my readers. You’re welcome. I hope your day is much magical.