Manly Mane O’ Glory

Three months into blogging, clearly there is plenty that I don’t get.  My inability to grasp things may allow endless blogging fodder for years to come.  Here’s one such item: The site http://www.menwholooklikekennyrogers.com/ has existed since I was in my TWENTIES.  It was a hoot back then, if for nothing more than the sheer volume of men who actually did resemble Kenny Rogers.  Please tell me how this site can remain up for soooo long, and yet there is no site yet devoted to Barry Gibb’s glorious lionesque mane?

If you don’t know who Barry Gibb is, I forgive you.  I do resent, however, having to explain that he was the eldest of the three Brothers Gibb, which consisted of his twin brothers, Robin & Maurice, now both deceased.  They peaked with the disco soundtrack of Saturday Night Fever, gracing the cover in tight white suits.  Say what you will about disco (R.I.P.), but they sold a crapload of records, over 220 million. That’s more books than any of us can hope to publish.  Combined.  And they wrote all their own songs, as well as hits by other artists, including “Grease” and “Islands In The Stream.”  No kidding.

But it’s not their tight three part harmonies that deserve a website; it’s the tresses of the elder brother.  Barry’s hair was glorious from the get-go.  Even in the late 60s, he was rocking Elvis sideburns with style (and a white suit).

http://healthcollege.edu.pl/
http://healthcollege.edu.pl/

Like Samson and his strength, so, too, was Barry’s sexiness connected to his lovely locks.   Here he is all Farrah Fawcett, minus the Mexican blanket.

http://healthcollege.edu.pl/
http://healthcollege.edu.pl/

Is it any wonder children purchased these lunchboxes in droves?

www.estsy.com
http://www.estsy.com

Note the halo effect, as though he were the archangel Barry.  Perhaps that’s just the heat generated from his Saturday Night Fever.

And just when you thought he couldn’t feather it anymore–BAM!–superultrafeathered. In combination with the brooding bedtime eyes, gold chain, and chest hair, you can almost imagine the puddles of testosterone seeping out of his pores.

http://www.gossiprocks.com/
http://www.gossiprocks.com/

And this?  This is how Grizzly Adams saw himself in dreams.

http://www.gossiprocks.com/
http://www.gossiprocks.com/

Here we see the Bee Gees with younger brother, Andy, a solo artist in his own right, also deceased.  Even with Andy’s good looks, his hair was still no match for the wild and woolly Barry Gibb.  You can see it in Barry’s stance; he knows he is the alpha Gibb.

http://www.gossiprocks.com/
http://www.gossiprocks.com/

You know, this pic has got me wondering–if men receive their hair pattern gene from their maternal grandfather, how could one brother be bald and one brother be blessed with a thickness and volume of crown otherwise unknown to man?  Don’t they all have the same maternal grandfather?  I am vexed.

Time has thinned his mane and turned it silver, but a trace of its glory exists.  Not enough for me to add it to this fine collection of pictures, but you get the point.  You had a good run, Barry.  Longer than most of us could ever dream of.  And that’s no Jive Talkin’.

Tranny Shoes: A Likely Story

I did some more investigating about Einstein (to go with today’s earlier post), and discovered this site, ireport.cnn.com/docs, where Ron Rothman explains, “Some of you might be aware of the relationship between the great scientist, Albert Einstein and my grandfather, David Rothman…Some of you are aware of their initial meeting and how Einstein came into the store looking for ‘Sundials,’ in his thick German accent really asking for sandals. My Grandfather mistook his asking for sundials and took him out to the back yard to show him the only sundial he had, his. Upon realizing his mistake, they proceeded to go back to the store where Einstein bought a pair of sandals that my grandfather had on the shelf…

“As Einstein came in asking for the shoes and after the misunderstanding about what he wanted, he was taken into the store to find that the only pair left which would fit was a woman’s size 11. Between the combination of Einstein’s embarrassment about the sundial incident and my Grandfather’s enthusiasm to make a sale to the great scientist, Einstein bought these beach shoes with grace.”

Fine.  Whatever.  But how do you explain him reclining in these (do my eyes deceive me?) stilettos?

www.buzzfeed.com
http://www.buzzfeed.com

And, P.S. Einstein, you do not look remotely like Burt Reynolds did in the Cosmo centerfold.

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Sitting Pretty

Hey, Einstein, why are you wearing ladies’ sandals?  It’s the theory of RELATIVITY, not femininity.

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

And what about Marion Morrison, the butchest guy of all time?  The virtual paragon of manhood?  What is this get-up?  No, I won’t mess with The Duke.  After all, he said, “I don’t have to assert my virility. I think my career has shown that I’m not exactly a pantywaist.”

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

Okay, you two, you can keep your man cards.  But it takes a REAL man to sit patiently through this.

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

I hope he had a steady hand…

To Everything (Turniture! Turniture! Turniture!)

http://www.retronaut.com/
http://www.retronaut.com/

You know you want this.  Toss this into your hatchback, head to the park, and bam–a picnic.  Flip it over and bam–a playpen.  Go back home, lob it on its side, and serve your friends up some Amaretto Sours in style.  Later, after the guests leave, strap your mod boots on and rock and rock and rock.  Now that’s what I call a Good Friday.

Ale In The Springtime

painting by Edward Augustiny
painting by Edward Augustiny

Is Gramps exhausted from potting plants, feebleminded, or just overjoyed that the woman behind him poured just the right amount of head into his glass?  To me, it appears as thought the pretty colors and bubbles have him entranced.  Limit yourself to one glass, okay?  Remember what the doctor said about mixing Coumadin and alcohol?

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Look how Rick holds that glass of Schlitz up, just of out reach for poor Joanne Woodward’s body double.  Is he wearing pajamas?  Why don’t her gloves match?  I don’t get it.  This is all very donkey and carrot to me.

painting by John Gannam
painting by John Gannam

I believe this depiction represents the best of both worlds, Hannah Montana.  Gardening is getting done AND beer is being enjoyed.  He has his own glass; she has hers.  The weather is lovely.  He’s pensive; is that a mortgage bill in his hand?  Who cares?  With argyle socks and a butterfly apron, you can never go wrong.

Senior Class Favorites

G072And that, my friends, is the difference between men and women.  Adrenaline delights one and strikes fear in the other.  Today’s post documents the Senior Class Favorites of the 1955 Pine Burr, selected “as tops in fun, sparkle, and friendship.”  Most yearbook pictures are taken on location at the high school, but evidently these favorites traveled off site.  Why, Jo Ann and Edward got suited up for a poolside session.  G074Perry and Pat went horse riding through what appears to be a swamp.

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Earl and Shirley were stuck riding pretend horses on a carousel, as though they were still young children.

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Thurston and Lovey Howell enjoyed an afternoon of boating.  Are these people really teenagers?

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Susie and Morris enjoyed a bicycle built for two.

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Barbara and Donald braved gusty winds to sit on the dock of the bay.  Or is that a bridge?  Look, Barbara, I’ll catch that catfish for you and fry it up for dinner with some hush puppies.  Won’t that be swell?  

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Miss Wheat is delighted that Mr. Turner parked next to her namesake.  Or are those plumes of feathered reed grass?  It may be Daddy’s car, but he’s got quite a grip at 10 and 2.

G080Our last picture is the Football Sweetheart.  Wait–isn’t that the same girl (with her name misspelled) wearing a polka dotted cape and sitting on a diving board earlier?  She gets around.  She’s a double favorite!

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My advice to you, Miss Yianitsas–marry one of those football players asap and shed that tragic maiden name.  Preferably Earl Wright.  It’s just one syllable!

Snap, Snap, Mexican Hat Dance

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Toro! Toro! Toro! Let me count the ways I so love this ad.  Okay, so this ad was in the back of the 1963 Comet, which I posted about earlier today.  But I could not just drop this in to the post because it possesses clear and present superiority.  It is the bomb.  It requires its own post.

I love the black mantilla.  Oh, yes, that’s a word for that black veil, which Spanish women wear during Holy Week in Seville, Spain during the week leading up to Easter, which is NEXT week, which means you can catch them live and in person if you so choose!  Snap!

cast

Also, I like how the skinny white girl is doing her version of an air guitar, except playing air castanets.  Who would have even thunk to play air castanets?  Glorious.  Her undeniable skill, in combination with the mantilla and sexy red rose, playing off her innocence, is nearly enough to seduce Tim, the newest waiter.

BTW, Tim–that belt that your Aunt Marge sewed from a cast-off curtain sample does NOT look Spanish.  But it would work quite well on your Ali Baba Halloween costume come October.  But who cares?  You get free chips and salsa, so life is good.

Now let’s talk about Janice!  Janice and her look of disdain.

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She can hardly keep that Saltine down.  Yeah, Saltines are SOOO Mexican.  I can’t help but think of Sophia Loren’s contemptuous scowl at Jayne Mansfield’s 42DD overflowy cup size.

sophia_and_jayneIt’s not like you’re cup doesn’t runneth over, either, Sophia.  Just be glad you’re still alive.  Poor Jayne never lived to do mediocre films like “Grumpy Old Men,” God bless her.  Get over it.

Anyway, back to Janice. Her hair is teased to high heaven, and her blouse is buttoned high, but I think we all know the truth.  You can sit there primly, holding that napkin over your nether regions, but we heard the rumors, Janice.  You think your blonde friend, Cindy, knows how to keep her trap shut?  Loose lips sink ships, Janice.  Cindy can’t be trusted.  But you just wait til the Mariachi Band shows up.  You’ll get yours.

1963 Comet, Coming At You

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Today’s daily dose of nostalgia comes to us from the 1962-63 Comet, just before Camelot fell apart.  Join me as we tumble back into a time between the Korean War and Vietnam, where cat’s-eye glasses and buzz cuts were in.  Student government was appropriately silly, but not full-on whackjob like we saw in the 1977 yearbook in Sunday’s post.  Life was a barrel of laughs.

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I realize it’s not the 1950s, but this is very reminiscent of Rydell HIgh.

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My favorite part of this next shot is the gal holding the bottle of hooch.  Pardon me, moonshine.
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And the fun kept coming.  Release your aggression with pinatas!

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The choir fellowships as it prepares for the annual Christmas festival.G041But it’s not all fun and games.  The German Club prepares a care package for needy families during the holidays.  Because who doesn’t love German food?  I’d prefer my care package from the Spanish Club, thank you.  Charro beans instead of refried.

GermanClubpackfoodneedyfamilyXMasSpeaking of Spanish, check out the smug grin on Lolita Ines Alverado’s (sic) face in Spanish class.  Tengo el cabello más hermoso de la clase.

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Lolita’s hair is much foxier than even the homecoming queen’s.  In those loafers, Meiling Lung looks downright dowdy.

G055But by far, the most interesting pictures are of the teachers themselves.

Mrs. Brack cannot be trusted.  That cropped cut betrays her.  I bet she has volumes of beatnik poetry in her drawer.  And Communist connections.  And clove cigarettes.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end.

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Why, in just a few years, some of you boys may be longhaired hippies, smoking the weed and living out of Volkswagen vans.  But if the THC doesn’t lodge too deeply in your brain, try not to forget the wonderful years in high school.  Harriet didn’t.

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When You Care Enough To Send The Very Kitschiest

What’s snazzier than this red retro television set?

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Perhaps this dapper turtle riding down a slide in his OWN shell?  
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If you pull the lever at the bottom right, he really does slide.  See?

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G034And in keeping with the red theme, here’s a keen card for a grandson.
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I don’t know Gramp and Gram from Adam, but I bet they were fine grandparents.  Who wouldn’t feel loved, receiving one of these, assuming kids actually READ them?