Is He Roasting Corncobs With His Ski Pole?
Category: Fun
How I Feel At The Movie Theater
Even before annoying ringtones and bright-screened smart phones, movie theaters could still be a wretched placed to spend two hours of your life. There were legs behind your seat that would kick you. Chatty people who didn’t know when to shut up. Babies. What moron brings a human under three years old to a movie theater? The late arrivals squeezing past you (and late means ANYONE ARRIVING AFTER 15 MIN PRIOR TO THE MOVIE). No arm room (the fella appears to be elbowing a man in plaid). The sound of popcorn being crunched in an adjacent person’s mouth. Slurping. And fart clouds. Always fart clouds.
On Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen
and Blitzen Blitzed.
Unrequited Adoration
Lost Indian Photobomb
Secret Ingredient Discovered
Secret Ingredient Used Later
Joy To The World
I Know Who’s Winning Movember On This Swim Team
100% What I Would Expect From A Computation Center Portrait
Things They Did Before The Amazing Interwebs, Part II
They dried dishes, while breaking down gender stereotypes and rocking festive aprons.
They wrapped books in brown paper packages tied up with string and sent them to unfortunate children who would have preferred cookies or even oranges.
They listened to “Fifth Street Blues” by The Royals on a Frisbee-sized 78, interpreting lyrics as related to the modern life of a 1950s housewife. Bye, baby, bye…
And on the weekends, they gussied up in dresses and sat in lawn chairs and pet dalmatians.
Just The Caress Of Your Hand
Things They Did Before The Amazing Interwebs, Part I
They read the newspaper until their fingertips were black with ink, often in groups referred to as “tree quartets.” Reading something made of a tree while touching a tree (and evidently a shoulder) connected them to nature.
Vision-deficient boys inflated balls with adult supervision, while parents consoled themselves that, while their son would never make point guard, he made a heck of a ball boy. And look–it’s his third college admissions letter!
They gathered round the piano for a rousing good time, except for Mavourneen and Chester, whose dour faces reflect their recent break-up. Nothing a little “Come On-A My House” can’t fix!
I Don't Get It 