By the fall of 1987, I was well-acquainted with the new supermodel faces across my fashion magazines: Cindy, Linda, Naomi, etc. As I had curly hair at the time, I could relate to Jill Goodacre, whose mane poured down her neck with all of the high-volume tousles that a headbanging 1987 demanded. I think you will understand why Harry Connick Jr married her.
And this next one, well … I can’t even explain it. And that’s why this blog is called “I Don’t Get It.”
Nowadays, the 55-year-old has her straightened (as most of us do) for a more polished, less unruly look. She and Harry have been married for 25 years.
During the Roaring 20’s, no ball player beat the popularity of George Herman Ruth, Jr. Born in 1895 in the Pigtown section of Baltimore, Maryland, he reached his greatest fame as a slugging outfielder for the New York Yankees. That’s Babe in the boater hat.
And in case you need a refresher course on hats from 100 years ago, here ye be:
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Note that there is a porkpie hat, and this post is about Babe (also a pig’s name), who was born in the Pigtown section. And also he was a bit of a porker.
While I admit that Sophia Loren is a beautiful woman (no question), this image doesn’t sit well with me. It’s not just the fact that the hair is reminiscent of Klute hair (go Google that on your own time); it’s that this photo is credited as being taken in 1960. It doesn’t seem consistent with the moment. Think of Marilyn Monroe in 1960. This was not the style. Plus, it’s ew.
The classic Sophia has voluminous dark hair and thick eyeliner and a bosom for days.
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If she’s supposed to be dressed in day-laboring peasant clothes, we’re not buying it. Her stare is regal, almost confrontational. Her skin is supple and dark, her posture solid.
Early blond bleach job Sophia is lovely (and ever-voluptuous), but nearly unrecognizable.
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The internet is full of Sophia images with her arms raised, hairy armpits on display. Is that the Italian way? I’ll spare you those, as well as the classic Jayne Mansfield side-eye.
We’ve all seen the celebs walk the red carpet, then pause to give this look.
Nat Geo 12/49
Granted, they weren’t wearing a calico flour sack like Nemukwunga the Umbakumban. Aborigines living in Groote Eylandt used the sacks as loincloths when modesty was forced upon them. But who could blame them? Flour sacks used to come in all kinds of fun prints!
During the lean years of the Depression, folks would re-purpose the sacks into dresses, shirts, and tea towels.
With spring upon us in just three weeks, I can’t help but start preparing my poolside wardrobe. Sure, you may have a fab, supportive one-piece and stilettos, but do you have a complimentary bonnet–the kind that reminds you of the underside of a mushroom cap? Jeanne Crain sure did in 1944. Sun protection for her fabulous face!
Kobal Collection
Speaking of sun protection, actress Betty Hutton protects her mug with a salmon-colored parasol that coordinates perfectly with her swimsuit.
Is it over-the-top, dramatic, and extra? Yes. I mean, there’s a tiger. Folks complain about shark attacks at the beach, but it’s tigers that mostly do the mauling. And is it me, or does Betty look a little…I won’t say trans per se, but maybe just a bit masculine? It’s probably just the lighting of her shoulder, right?
No need to be extra if you’re Norma Jean herself. It doesn’t take high drama for her to get noticed. But well before she bleached her hair into the famous Monroe coif, she donned a bikini nearly as pale as her skin. Talk about alabaster. Okay, so maybe she’s not being extra at all (just sitting on a diving board at the community pool), but she was EXTRA white!
Kobal Collection
Perhaps you weren’t born pale ale like Whitey McWhitey. Perhaps you were gifted with tan skin like Yvonne DeCarlo. What can you do to set yourself apart from the mainstream? Find yourself a set of pier posts dangerously high above the surf, climb atop them and perch yourself, as though you can’t feel the sharp wood etching itself into your bum. Folks might think you’re mad, but what a shot for Instagram. Just don’t plummet to your death.
Va Va Voom
Still need something more eye-catching in your swimwear? How about ruched gold lame? It slims protrusive abdomens and instantly makes any woman look 20 years older. Case in point: here we have Carolyn Jones (aka Morticia Addams) posed aboard a ship railing, looking much older than her 31 years. It brings to mind an image of one’s randy aunt, having escaped her Carnival cruise cabin, full of gin, and ready to mingle.
Not extra enough? Look no further than drama queen Kim K herself, the queen of incessant yet unnecessary self-promotion, trying too hard to seem casual, while her swimsuit struggles to contain her underboob. Notice me! Validate me! Pay attention!
Ladies use to LOSE THEIR MINDS over Frank Sinatra back when Old Blue Eyes was a lithe young crooner. Swooning bobby-soxers did not concern themselves with invading his personal space, as you can see in this 1943 image. I can’t imagine interrupting a celebrity to ask for an autograph or a selfie; I find that incredibly tacky and self-serving. So the thought of planting a kiss on The Chairman of the Board, basically attacking his face, disturbs me.
What kind of weirdo takes his wife and 11-year-old daughter into a burnt-out Victorian mansion to stand in windows that have no panes? Gary Cooper, that’s who. Or as LIFE magazine referred to him, “the embodiment of the solid, easy-going, tough-fibered American male.”
It seems he and his family were on vacation in Aspen, Colorado when they spotted said house corpse and decided to enter the spooky remains. These days, of course, that would be trespassing. There would be bars in those windows, preventing any would-be suicidal maniac from perch-pouncing. Or the place simply would have been razed to the ground.
But not for the Coopers, clad in goggles and free of smiles. Not by a longshot.
Here he sits with wife Rocky and daughter Maria in a room with cinder covering the floor. Watch your step!
Twelve years later, the family would take their final vacation to Sun Valley, due to an aggressive form of prostate cancer that had spread throughout his body. On April 17, 1961, Cooper watched pal James Stewart accept (on his behalf) an honorary award for lifetime achievement at the Academy Awards. The emotional Stewart said, “Coop, I want you to know I’ll get it to you right away. With it, goes all the friendship and affection and the admiration and deep respect of all of us. We’re very, very proud of you, Coop.”
In his last public statement on May 4, Cooper said, “I know that what is happening is God’s will. I am not afraid of the future.” He passed on May 13, 1961, six days after his sixtieth birthday.
Today, rather than looking back as usual, we look to modern young Hollywood actresses, all daughters of famous parents. I think you will agree that Riley Keough has the striking good looks of grandmother Priscilla Presley.
Below is Mickey Sumner, the eldest daughter of Sting (aka Gordon Sumner), striking a typical pinup pose.
Although this yellow polka dot bikini is reminiscent of Taylor Swift’s style, it’s actually Ireland Baldwin. The apple didn’t fall from the tree, as she clearly resembles mom Kim Basinger more than pop Alec Baldwin.
We end with Billie Lourd, daughter of Carrie Fisher.
One notices in 1940s hairstyles that the hair just beyond the temples was often smooth or pinned back, making the voluminous curled areas appear ever poofier in contrast. Ever wonder why you don’t see pics of these women with long bangs in their faces (like the umpteen actresses on talk shows who constantly wipe their hair to the side)? There’s no Crystal Gayle or Kim K. hair here. And it wasn’t just fashion.
Able-bodied men were overseas, and women were manning the production lines. Long hair (or even one stray lock) could get caught in machines and not only injure the workers, but put production on hold until she was freed. Even Veronica Lake (of the oft-imitated peekaboo hairstyle) changed her style during the war effort, showing the dangers of untamed, unpinned hair.
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This youtube video explains why safety is of the utmost importance during factory work.
The end result is a new and improved, less seductive 4’11” Veronica, donning the updo called the “Victory Roll.” Sleek = Safe. And as you can see in the video, from behind, her hair makes a dazzling V for victory.
Many stars wore them, including Rita Hayworth.
(Photo by Pictorial Parade/Moviepix/Getty Images)
And Betty Grable.
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Now you know why your vintage pin-ups often wear their hair in an updo, and why the Allies won the war.
In honor of Buster Keaton’s birthday, I want to share some fun gifs of his work. Best known for his silent films, demonstrating his physical comedy with a deadpan expression, he was nicknamed “The Great Stone Face.” As you’ll see in these images, it’s a miracle he made it to age 70, after all those stunts. If you haven’t seen one of his flicks, do yourself a favor.
Back in March of 1949, when this ad debuted, Doris Day had not reached the apex of her “girl next door” fame. She was on the second of her four marriages, and had already born her only son, Terry Melcher, who passed in 2004.
I’d be willing to bet she didn’t hold on to that 35 cent locket all these years. Day, now 96, may just reach Hope’s milestone of living 100 years. With a long legacy as an animal activist, her cinematic legacy still stands strong today.
Art Director Mitchell Leisen is holding the plates, but he’s also the host of this July 4th, 1952 Catalina Island outing. He invited friends Cesar Romero, Mona Freeman, Rory Calhoun, and Robert Wagner aboard his boat, Escapade.
Perhaps, like me, you cannot help but think about Robert Wagner and his suspect boat activities, but this was decades prior.
Out on the water, with Mitch at the wheel, he is joined by (among others) Susan Zanuck in the hat, Cesar Romero, and Lita Baron (Mrs. Rory Calhoun).
When Lita later divorced Rory, gossip mags said she accused him of adultery with 78 women, including Betty Grable. In his 1999 obituary, he was quoted as retorting to her charge with, “Heck, she didn’t even include half of them.”
I’m not saying he did it, but I will say he stole a revolver at 13, was sent to jail, and subsequently escaped from said jail. From there, he hot-wired cars, took them for joy rides, and robbed jewelry stores for kicks. For this, he spent three years in prison.
What about you? Have you ever spent the 4th of July on a boat?
Have you ever worn long sleeves on the 4th? I can’t imagine.
Have you ever committed adultery with 78 different partners?
I Don't Get It 