Category: Beauty

Jack Sprat Could Eat No Fat

8/67

It’s no news flash that most of us today are fat fat fatties. Reminds me of the old Morrissey song, “You’re The One For Me, Fatty.” It’s not surprising if you’ve never heard of Nutrament, as it exists today mainly only in New York and Florida. They have added new flavors, including cappucino, dulce de leche, mango, and the seasonally appropriate eggnog. Yeah, I still don’t want it. Why drink your calories when you can feast on meat and sides?

Now I was not alive in 1967 when this ad debuted, but women have ALWAYS been drawn to tall drinks of water. I doubt this lanky lad was at a loss for ladies, except that his proportions are all off. An average person is 7 1/2 heads high, and he is easily 9 heads high. Nobody likes a shrunken head.

The UK also struggles with obesity. They posted this image, comparing a typical 1967 male with a modern man. The difference was 23 lbs.

 

Converted to lbs, that’s 162 lbs vs 185. I don’t know about you, but I know a lot of folks who would LOOOOOOVE to weigh 185. That would be a blessing. And fatty evidently is outliving his thinner counterpart by quite a bit. Probably pumped up on medications, though. Time is a beast and steals our beauty and our firmness. Rare is the bird who looks better now than then.

Unless you’re Al Roker.

http://rightweigh.com

Now here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods: you are surrounded by fatties like me.

Daughters Of Fortune

Young Hollywood by Frank

Today, rather than looking back as usual, we look to modern young Hollywood actresses, all daughters of famous parents. I think you will agree that Riley Keough has the striking good looks of grandmother Priscilla Presley.

Below is Mickey Sumner, the eldest daughter of Sting (aka Gordon Sumner), striking a typical pinup pose.

Although this yellow polka dot bikini is reminiscent of Taylor Swift’s style, it’s actually Ireland Baldwin. The apple didn’t fall from the tree, as she clearly resembles mom Kim Basinger more than pop Alec Baldwin.

We end with Billie Lourd, daughter of Carrie Fisher.

Bello Magazine

Shall We Gather At The Cannon

Century of Change

It’s hard to fathom that just over 100 years ago (or “one person ago,” as Netflix comedian Joe Rogan would say) that women dressed like this. The corsets and flowy ankle-length dresses may have felt confining, but those hats must have weighed five pounds in themselves. Such were the times in 1911.

Only 6% of all 17-year-olds finished high school back then, and many women (such as these New York ladies in 1909) spent their days, bent down, making straw hats.

If not for the skills of the hat-makers in millinery shops, gossip columnist Hedda Hopper would never have been able to amass such a collection several decades later.

Century of Change

Overkill, yes?

giphy.com

Why Your Grandma Never Had Hair In Her Eyes

Alpha Delta Pi ladies of Indiana University, 1943

One notices in 1940s hairstyles that the hair just beyond the temples was often smooth or pinned back, making the voluminous curled areas appear ever poofier in contrast. Ever wonder why you don’t see pics of these women with long bangs in their faces (like the umpteen actresses on talk shows who constantly wipe their hair to the side)? There’s no Crystal Gayle or Kim K. hair here. And it wasn’t just fashion.

Able-bodied men were overseas, and women were manning the production lines. Long hair (or even one stray lock) could get caught in machines and not only injure the workers, but put production on hold until she was freed. Even Veronica Lake (of the oft-imitated peekaboo hairstyle) changed her style during the war effort, showing the dangers of untamed, unpinned hair.

flashbak.com

This youtube video explains why safety is of the utmost importance during factory work.

The end result is a new and improved, less seductive 4’11” Veronica, donning the updo called the “Victory Roll.” Sleek = Safe. And as you can see in the video, from behind, her hair makes a dazzling V for victory.

Many stars wore them, including Rita Hayworth.

(Photo by Pictorial Parade/Moviepix/Getty Images)

And Betty Grable.

Pinterest

Now you know why your vintage pin-ups often wear their hair in an updo, and why the Allies won the war.

The Power Of Velour

flashbak.com/days-of-velour-and-shaun-cassidy-sears-1979-junior-fashions-22576/

A friend’s Facebook post today of his infant self, garbed in velour, got me thinking about my days of velour, which, incidentally would be a great autobiography title. I stumbled across this 1979 Sears catalog image, and was reminded of a velour green dress I donned at Christmas that year (with a white satin blouse underneath-trust me, ’twas all the rage), in the final vestiges of the unseemly 70s. Or was it velvet or velveteen? Who can discern the magic of textiles?

Listen, I could collage up this joint and post all kinds of velour images across this page, but honestly, it’s overkill. I think we get the gist of velour off of just this one plush-fabric pic. It’s a lipglossy, pre-Working Girl meets Studio 54 (I almost said Area 51; Freudian slip) era, with the skinny belt, skirt slit, and stilettos, to boot. I can’t tell if they’re 13 or 43. But look at Miss Purple’s jutted elbow. She is NOT having sassy backtalk today. You flip through that Rolodex, girl. Fierce.

Now should we bring velour back? Heavens, no. When I see it in the wild nowadays (once just this year at church), I shake my head. The moment is over. It only whispers “Goodwill reject bin” from the fibers of its sheen. And we all know the only relevant sheen in 2018 is a Netflix Martin.

But can we take two minutes to appreciate it today? Even just saying the word is fun. Velour. Make it rhyme with sewer. Is it flattering? Heavens, no. It makes pre-teens look four months pregnant. Does it keep you warm? Yes. Did it take these girls from playgrounds to champagne? Or is the lyric “from crayons to perfume”? Whatever. Velour does that. That’s the power of velour.

Things That Don’t Pair Well With Wine: That Outfit

Long Island winery from “An American Moment” by Harris

Why am I so salty on the sabbath? Is it the 100+ heat with no chance of a cloud until mid-October? Perhaps I just can’t process why this vintner chose to put that ensemble together.

“Okay, Carol, focus, focus! The magazine is coming today, and they’re going to take some pictures, so I’ll just build my outfit, starting with shoes. These sandals are so smart! What goes with this coral shade? Ah, yes, my old artist’s smock–the one with sleeves that go past my weenus. What’s next? The plaid navy skirt that makes me look bulky despite my thin frame. Marvelous. Done.”

To be fair, salmon and navy are on trend this season. Just not in the same proportion.

http://sperr.us

In fact, my last dress purchased was a navy/salmon print. That salmon is so current. Or is it against current? 😉

Who knew you could even get SHOES in said colors?

http://www.freetrainer3-0.org.uk

Just perfect for the petite jogging woman who needs to add three inches of height as she pounds pavement!

Before Summers Were 110 Degrees

An American Moment by Harris

Those of you alive during the summers of the 1980s might recall how high-cut swimsuits were, with fabric barely meeting at the hipbone. These two young ladies seem to be enjoying the golden hour of a Rhode Island summer’s eve. Props for the two-tier gold necklace. Did she wear that into the water?

Misquamicut Beach

When Helen Was A Popular Name

In days of yore, both high school and university yearbooks included many pages of the campus’s most attractive dames. The 1933 Austin High School Comet was no exception. Let’s start with the freshman.

How equestrian! How polished! How elegant!

Now on to the sophomores.

Check out the razzle-dazzle art deco framing their pics. I guess most high school girls owned riding crops. Now we see the juniors, both named Helen.

And there are no 12A or B favorites, oddly. Just Essie Mae Wentworth, Queen of the Spring Festival.

When Your ‘Do Is Done

I applaud the effort that was put into the hair, outfits, and accessories here. Nowadays, people wear pajamas in public, thong sandals outside the beach, and don’t bother to hide their bra straps. Enough with the laziness! Pull yourself together.

giphy.com