Verve Pipe
Category: Humor
Yes, It’s Cheesey
My favorite pie chart of all time (in honor of Pi Day):
It’s Never Too Early To Start Smoking Camels
Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Caves
Amazing, Awesome, Incredible
I don’t normally post about shows like The Voice, but trilby-wearing, elf-faced Josh Kaufman blew me away last night. And, no, he’s not hot. He’s just good.
A few notes into George Michael’s “One More Try,” Adam Levine turned his big red chair around in approval. Indiana native Josh was already nailing it. The truth is it’s hard for me to think of any song off that 1988 Faith cassette without picturing the former Wham! frontman in his ripped jeans and scruffy five o’clock shadow, shaking his rump and pretending to be into Asian women. It’s often hard to separate the artist from the song.
It’s kind of like how every December, the radio stations and department stores put George Michael’s “Last Christmas” on high rotation, and I can’t enjoy it as a holiday song, because I keep picturing him in public toilets, soliciting sex from policemen and being foolish enough to get caught. Kind of ruins the whole Christmas spirit.
So for Josh Kaufman to be able to belt the song out in a new and soulful way, devoid of all that Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou baggage, was refreshing. Once you’re sick of a song, you’re usually sick of it forever. I’m talking to you, “Red Red Wine.” But Josh infused this ballad with new life.
As he continued to sing it, I feared he wouldn’t be able to hit the money note, “Hold you, touch YOU-OOOOO,” but he did. In spades.
Adam Levine’s comment to Josh once he finished: “Damn.”
Agreed.
Fun With Asphyxiation
You think that’s odd? Check this out.
And all this time I thought Zongola Pledge was an Namibian wood cleaner and furniture protectant…
I can’t tell if Dan has a lizard tongue or just drank grape Nehi or if the owner of this yearbook Sharpie-penned his tongue, or if he has an oral condition, but I know he’s not right. And it’s not because he could have had a V-8.
This is why I never joined a sorority; I don’t like humiliating myself for the amusement of others.
These girls couldn’t take the pressure; they resorted to spending time with a stuffed poodle.
Cheer up, gals. Even if you don’t make it into the sorority, there are always other options.
Hurts So Good
Look, Ma–No Nasty Yeasty Oral Thrush
Bringing Back The Jim-Dandy
Back in the day, a lady stood inside a car to show off her assets to passers-by.
A lady could also sit in the back of a car and wave, “What’s up, peons?” like these Dixie Belle nominees, but 1963 wasn’t the best year for riding around in convertibles. I take it the day was humid.
Cars were great for going to the drive-in, as Guinn and Wanda would attest.
Have you ever visited a Jim Dandy? I insist that we all strive to bring back the term “jim-dandy,” which means most excellent or a superior example. Ex: I did a jim-dandy job of writing this post today.
Class Favorites
Can Music Save Your Mortal Soul?
You can plainly see why I shared Mr. Fountain with you. I felt like he needed to be in all of your lives. I did not know there was such a thing as a “nationally known clarinetist” (do we have any now?), but he was big enough to play TWO concerts at Arlington High School back in 1963.
Such were the aspirations of these teens with their instruments in the 50s.
Below is a junior high band in 1923, before electric guitars existed.
In the back row, you can see Leonardo DiCaprio during his Growing Pains years.
During the turbulent 60s, girls learned to move to the beat of a different drum. “It’s just like holding chopsticks, Melinda. Don’t try too hard.”
And these nicely-clad songbirds look confident gathered around the piano.
Hey, you wanna see what Mr. Fountain looks like these days? He threw beads out to the crowd in New Orleans last year:
I bet there’s a good chance he was at Mardi Gras this week.
P.S. Music is great, but it can’t save your mortal soul.
Toothpick As Accessory
I Don't Get It 