Funny – Page 86 – I Don't Get It

A Black And White Woody

I doubt any young man would want to be saddled with the nickname of Woody in this day and age. But in days of yore, it was not uncommon. Most of you remember Woody Woodpecker.

Or this naive, young bartender, Huckleberry Woodrow Tiberius “Woody” Boyd, from Cheers, played by a man named Woody in real life.

Other famous Woodies include folk singer Woody “This Land Is My Land” Guthrie, and Woody Allen, the director/screenwriter who destroyed any of his cred by marrying his stepdaughter (yes, she was, for all practical purposes) Soon-Yi, who is 37 years his junior. Gross, Woody. You disgust me. And I never liked Annie Hall. But I do like this picture. Or half of it, at least.

I wonder if folks called former president, Woodrow Wilson, by his full name? Can you name one fact about this president?

He was actually one of the four presidents who have been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. He received his in 1919 for founding the League of Nations, the predecessor to the United Nations. You probably know Obama somehow nabbed one as well, but so did Theodore Roosevelt and Jimmy Carter. But I want to leave you with a more upbeat woody–this one from Toy Story.

http://wallpaperpassion.com/download-wallpaper

“What chance does a toy like me have against a Buzz Lightyear action figure?”

Scenes From A 1950 Duffle Bag, Part Cinco (And Scene)

“And that is where the Commies live. This is why we do ‘duck and cover’ air raid drills each week. I hope one day our countries can become friends, and they might even host an Olympics.”

This was me at the DMV yesterday. Actually, I couldn’t get inside the first office, as it was so packed that I couldn’t Red-Rover myself in through the actual door, so I had to drive 35 miles to another town and have it done there. Oh, happy day.

You know how I always say each portrait has “the guy”? The one all in white with his hip thrust forward is trying to be the guy, but he can’t compete with Cowboy Bill there, and his sassy hip askew. That’s the guy.

And by all rights, that is the girl. So much better than common tennis whites. Way to work that vest.

Yes, the one on the left.

“And then she admitted it was her in the back of the Pontiac, but she said they didn’t do anything, and I was all as if. Everyone knows Peg is a hussy.”

Well, folks, it’s time to close up the Duffle Bag. Happy Trails!

Alternate Ways To Pledge Allegiance

You’re supposed to put your right hand OVER your heart, not cop a feel of your breast. At least that was how we were taught. I think she just got to second base with herself. Or maybe she’s doing a routine exam for lumps. Save it for the bus ride, missy.

But I like her foot placement; she’s selling it. And check out the doll on the far left. She can’t quite summon up the words. And to the republic, for which it stands… Honestly, I don’t know why we ever phased out long plaid dresses with loafers and bobby socks. It’s a classic, modest look. The anti-Miley.

Apparently, Miles doesn’t know the correct way to pledge, either.

Popular Demand

Alpha Phi Alpha 1988 University of Texas

Flying In Formation

Scenes From A 1950 Duffle Bag, Part Cuatro

Forget Sunny D: Embrace A Frozen Margarita

These were my son’s menu choices yesterday at a local Mexican restaurant. Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff. The food is just mediocre, but we frequent it because the waiter does what seems to be nearly impossible these days in the world of self-absorbed, iPod-staring, adolescent servers: HE MAKES US FEEL WELCOME.

He greets us, shakes our hands, and asks how we are doing.
He brings us our drinks before we request them.
He does the “check-back” at least three times.
He keeps our drinks full.
He SMILES. He’s super-good at this one, without being fake.
He brings us to-go drinks without us having to ask.
He shakes our hands when we leave (or if he’s putting in an order, he waves good-bye).

And so even though the food is pretty meh, the service is great. He never looks slammed, he’s never in the weeds, never appears overwhelmed. He’s got this. And because he’s got this, we tip him well every time.

But until yesterday, I had never realized how inappropriate the illustration on the kids’ menu is. A Mexican man salsa dancing with a frozen margarita? With salt on the rim? I’m not making this up.

Scenes From a 1950 Duffle Bag, Part Tres

Deadringers

Corpus Christi High School’s class of 1950 has some real gems to share with you today.

That HAS to be Andy Samberg’s granddad. No two ways around it.

This greaser reminded me of the bad guy in Grease, Crater Face.

And this cutie patootie reminded me of Maxwell Caulfield’s character in Grease II. Do you see it, too?

In most cultures, symmetry is beauty. But these two gentleman prove that your hair can be an asymmetrical entity, and you can still be smooth. It’s like chunks are missing from their heads.

Have you ever seen an old man’s toupee caught in the wind? This is like that except it’s swirly like tidal waves. But also like frosting on a cupcake. I could get lost in it. Look at him, all cocky. How YOU doin’?