Category: Art

Gas-Propelled Bull Pins The Dark Lord

A fellow blogger at Funny Sweet Chocolate: Essays by Mark Coakley proved it: Canadians do have a sense of humor. HUMOR, not humour. Just teasing. He posted this glorious work of art today, and I almost feel compelled to compose an ode to it. How have I never seen this before?

farting-bull-crushes-demon-art

Forget Sunny D: Embrace A Frozen Margarita

Dos Salsas033

These were my son’s menu choices yesterday at a local Mexican restaurant. Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff. The food is just mediocre, but we frequent it because the waiter does what seems to be nearly impossible these days in the world of self-absorbed, iPod-staring, adolescent servers: HE MAKES US FEEL WELCOME.

  • He greets us, shakes our hands, and asks how we are doing.
  • He brings us our drinks before we request them.
  • He does the “check-back” at least three times.
  • He keeps our drinks full.
  • He SMILES. He’s super-good at this one, without being fake.
  • He brings us to-go drinks without us having to ask.
  • He shakes our hands when we leave (or if he’s putting in an order, he waves good-bye).

And so even though the food is pretty meh, the service is great. He never looks slammed, he’s never in the weeds, never appears overwhelmed. He’s got this. And because he’s got this, we tip him well every time.

But until yesterday, I had never realized how inappropriate the illustration on the kids’ menu is. A Mexican man salsa dancing with a frozen margarita? With salt on the rim? I’m not making this up.

Poetry In Motion

52KIngsville115

Oh, my goodness. This is too much for a Monday. It’s like West Side Story meets yoga meets Lionel Richie’s ballerina girl meets Mr. Roboto.

I do not like her rigid pose
I do not like her see-through clothes
I do not like her pointed feet
I really think that girl should eat
May I suggest some lean red meat?
With green eggs, it is quite a treat

Would you like them in Oklahoma?
No, I prefer them in a coma

I do not like their warrior stance
I do not like their modern dance
I do not want to have to watch
I think we should Febreze her crotch

I do not like that high slit skirt
I do not like boys’ groins that hurt
I do not like that turtleneck
I do not like it for a sec

I do not like them, Sam-I-am
I’d rather eat a can of Spam
And pour it in a cereal bowl
That precooked gelatinous pork bumhole

I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere