Category: 1950s

License & Registration Please

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Memorial Day seems as fitting a day as ever to begin our weeklong (we’ll see about that) Texas Dept of Public Safety pictorial history retrospective, seeing as many officers lost their lives in the line of duty.  However, today’s focus is not on lost life, but on the superbadassness of the department from 1935-1980.  I realize this seems hyperspecialized, but these pics are a treasure trove of early law enforcement, as well as insight into the long-gone TWENTIETH CENTURY.  You will witness early outdated, inefficient ways of doing things, like searching for fingerprints by hand and how to confirm if someone is a doublecrossing liar.

prints&polygraphs

See how people used to communicate with typing thingies and wirey boxes.

typingthingies

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Experience the communications hub, the leader in advanced technology.

hub

You will meet important characters, like Pop and Paul!

Pop

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Shoot the breeze with Viola and Barbara, both fashioned from the hands of Jim Henson!

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And FYI, Mr. Curb is not about to take any crap from you today.

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So join me as we take a long stroll through the halls of public safety.  Drive safely!

Tranny Shoes: A Likely Story

I did some more investigating about Einstein (to go with today’s earlier post), and discovered this site, ireport.cnn.com/docs, where Ron Rothman explains, “Some of you might be aware of the relationship between the great scientist, Albert Einstein and my grandfather, David Rothman…Some of you are aware of their initial meeting and how Einstein came into the store looking for ‘Sundials,’ in his thick German accent really asking for sandals. My Grandfather mistook his asking for sundials and took him out to the back yard to show him the only sundial he had, his. Upon realizing his mistake, they proceeded to go back to the store where Einstein bought a pair of sandals that my grandfather had on the shelf…

“As Einstein came in asking for the shoes and after the misunderstanding about what he wanted, he was taken into the store to find that the only pair left which would fit was a woman’s size 11. Between the combination of Einstein’s embarrassment about the sundial incident and my Grandfather’s enthusiasm to make a sale to the great scientist, Einstein bought these beach shoes with grace.”

Fine.  Whatever.  But how do you explain him reclining in these (do my eyes deceive me?) stilettos?

www.buzzfeed.com
http://www.buzzfeed.com

And, P.S. Einstein, you do not look remotely like Burt Reynolds did in the Cosmo centerfold.

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Sitting Pretty

Hey, Einstein, why are you wearing ladies’ sandals?  It’s the theory of RELATIVITY, not femininity.

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

And what about Marion Morrison, the butchest guy of all time?  The virtual paragon of manhood?  What is this get-up?  No, I won’t mess with The Duke.  After all, he said, “I don’t have to assert my virility. I think my career has shown that I’m not exactly a pantywaist.”

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

Okay, you two, you can keep your man cards.  But it takes a REAL man to sit patiently through this.

www.retronaut.com
http://www.retronaut.com

I hope he had a steady hand…

Ale In The Springtime

painting by Edward Augustiny
painting by Edward Augustiny

Is Gramps exhausted from potting plants, feebleminded, or just overjoyed that the woman behind him poured just the right amount of head into his glass?  To me, it appears as thought the pretty colors and bubbles have him entranced.  Limit yourself to one glass, okay?  Remember what the doctor said about mixing Coumadin and alcohol?

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Look how Rick holds that glass of Schlitz up, just of out reach for poor Joanne Woodward’s body double.  Is he wearing pajamas?  Why don’t her gloves match?  I don’t get it.  This is all very donkey and carrot to me.

painting by John Gannam
painting by John Gannam

I believe this depiction represents the best of both worlds, Hannah Montana.  Gardening is getting done AND beer is being enjoyed.  He has his own glass; she has hers.  The weather is lovely.  He’s pensive; is that a mortgage bill in his hand?  Who cares?  With argyle socks and a butterfly apron, you can never go wrong.

Senior Class Favorites

G072And that, my friends, is the difference between men and women.  Adrenaline delights one and strikes fear in the other.  Today’s post documents the Senior Class Favorites of the 1955 Pine Burr, selected “as tops in fun, sparkle, and friendship.”  Most yearbook pictures are taken on location at the high school, but evidently these favorites traveled off site.  Why, Jo Ann and Edward got suited up for a poolside session.  G074Perry and Pat went horse riding through what appears to be a swamp.

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Earl and Shirley were stuck riding pretend horses on a carousel, as though they were still young children.

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Thurston and Lovey Howell enjoyed an afternoon of boating.  Are these people really teenagers?

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Susie and Morris enjoyed a bicycle built for two.

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Barbara and Donald braved gusty winds to sit on the dock of the bay.  Or is that a bridge?  Look, Barbara, I’ll catch that catfish for you and fry it up for dinner with some hush puppies.  Won’t that be swell?  

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Miss Wheat is delighted that Mr. Turner parked next to her namesake.  Or are those plumes of feathered reed grass?  It may be Daddy’s car, but he’s got quite a grip at 10 and 2.

G080Our last picture is the Football Sweetheart.  Wait–isn’t that the same girl (with her name misspelled) wearing a polka dotted cape and sitting on a diving board earlier?  She gets around.  She’s a double favorite!

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My advice to you, Miss Yianitsas–marry one of those football players asap and shed that tragic maiden name.  Preferably Earl Wright.  It’s just one syllable!

When You Care Enough To Send The Very Kitschiest

What’s snazzier than this red retro television set?

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Perhaps this dapper turtle riding down a slide in his OWN shell?  
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If you pull the lever at the bottom right, he really does slide.  See?

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G034And in keeping with the red theme, here’s a keen card for a grandson.
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I don’t know Gramp and Gram from Adam, but I bet they were fine grandparents.  Who wouldn’t feel loved, receiving one of these, assuming kids actually READ them?

Can’t Say You Were A Little Saint

In my stack of vintage greeting cards, I found this cute birthday card manufactured by Gibson.  Perfect for a parent who isn’t a perfectionist…

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G024They don’t make ’em like that any more.

I Will Yak This Up, No Problemo

because yaks and jello go hand in hand
because yaks and jello go hand in hand

Here, http://crankycaregiver.wordpress.com/, is the JELL-O yak ad, as promised. I’ve also included these nasty jello molds as per your request.  Vile indeed.

thesocietypages.org
thesocietypages.org

Spanish olives inside jello?  What the WHAT?  Is that Barcelona style?

And this shrimp aspic mold is undefendable.  Two of those words don’t even belong in meals!  You know what aspic is?  Per Wikipedia, aspic is a dish in which ingredients are set into a gelatin made from a meat stock or consommé.  Not necessary.  I’ll take my shrimp Kung Pao, thank you.

http://www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/the-1950s-most-nauseating-jell-o-soaked-recipes/
http://www.collectorsweekly.com/articles/the-1950s-most-nauseating-jell-o-soaked-recipes/

The site where I found this (listed above) shows a picture of her husband “in a state of gelatin overload.”  Visit it for more fun tidbits.

Likewise, I would be holding my barf back if I were about to consume a baked beans gelatin mold.  You know how Duke, the golden retriever, has been trying to sell the Bush’s Baked Beans recipe for years?  Yeah, I don’t think he could PAY to give this jello recipe away.  Mercy me.  But this one rivals the beans.

cheateat.typepad.com
cheateat.typepad.com

Mmmm!  Break me off a peice of that Kit-Kat bar!  Delish.  Just in case you’re not sure what that is, it’s PIG TROTTERS IN ASPIC.  I’ll pass.  I’d rather put Harlem Globetrotters in my mouth, preferably with a side of Meadowlark Lemon.

Now the jingle I recall from my youth is as follows: Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle. Cool and fruity, Jello brand gelatin. Of all desserts, you’ll love the one that tastes so light and makes such fun. Make Jello gelatin and make some fun.

See?  Nothing in there about tripe or menudo or things that give you the trots.

Still, there was one man in the 50s who broke the mold (I couldn’t help myself).  Thomas Lehrer, who taught classes at MIT, Harvard, and Wellesley, claims to have invented the JELL-O shot.  I guess it DOES take a genius to find a better use.