Humor, Photography, Pics, Texas

Dillo Dangerously Dodges Death

What a lovely day!

flower

Whatever this is, it’s blooming.  The sun is shining.

trees

When what to my wandering eyes should appear, but a leprosy-carrying varmint!

dillo2

Run, critter, run!

dillo

That armor won’t protect you from…uh-oh.

dillo3

Looks like Buck is in it to win it.  You best hightail it!

dillo4

Yes!  Forget Chicken Soup for the Soul; we’re having armadillo stew for dinner tonight, folks!

dillo5

Would that taste better with Old Bay or Tony Chachere’s Original Creole Seasoning?

dillo6

Oh, snap!  Escaped into the pile of used tires again!  Better luck next time, old boy.

tongue

1970s, 1980s, 1990s, Celebrities, Culture, History, Humor, Nostalgia, Photography, Pics, TV

Truck Stop Weary, Numero Quatro

Sayre, OK 1988
Sayre, OK 1988 from Marc Wise’s “Truck Stop”

Hands down, this is the guy.  This is the guy you want leaning intimately into you, inviting you to be in cahoots with him, to share the secrets he’s learned on the road.

Forgive me.  I was premature in my assumption.  THIS is the guy.

Ontario, California 1988
Ontario, California 1988

Yes, the one with the mutton chops, driving his Rebel Flag-decked out Bandit up to California.  Is he sucking a Lemonhead?  Is he dipping Skoal?  He’s a man of mystery.  I just feel a strong sense of… Gary Sandy surrounding him.  Yes, that’s it.  He must be related to Gary Sandy.  You know, Andy Travis from WKRP?

http://painlesspanache.blogspot.com/
http://painlesspanache.blogspot.com/

Whoa.  Is it hot in here?  I’m feeling faint, and it’s not a touch of Johnny Fever.  Believe me.  Okay, time to refocus.  Surely, there’s some trucker in this book who can compete with an aging sitcom star.

Bourbon, IN 1990
Bourbon, IN 1990

Um.  No.  That is NOT the ticket.  Perhaps this young fella?

Senatobia, MS 1994
Senatobia, MS 1994

His head says Yankee, but his body says Confederacy.  Who has time for a cocksure whippersnapper with an identity complex?  Not me.  I haven’t got time for the pain.  Okay, let’s spin the wheel.  Surely there’s SOMEONE.

Sikeston, Missouri 1990
Sikeston, Missouri 1990

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!  Make it stop!

1980s, 1990s, Culture, History, Humor, Photography

Truck Stop Weary, Numero Tres

 Carlisle, Pennsylvania 1988 from Marc Wise's" Truck Stop"
Carlisle, Pennsylvania 1988 from Marc Wise’s” Truck Stop”

Wayne is caught up in the ambiance that IS a Pennsylvania truck stop.  So filled with anticipation is he of this new day, that he could barely push his hat down on his head.  And who could blame him?  Just walking into this charming lounge would brighten anyone’s day.

Sikeston, Missouri 1990
Sikeston, Missouri 1990

Across this great nation of ours, other truckers speedily consume their meals, rejoicing at the prospect of what the road will offer.  George can barely contain himself.

Bristol, TN  1994
Bristol, TN 1994

Harlan is busting at the seams.  As soon as he finishes this cigarette, it’s out of the comfort of this red booth and into the luxury of the big rig.

Houston, TX 1989
Houston, TX 1989

Young Buck, Jr is positively stoked to be spending the day with Buck, Sr, rolling across the wide open spaces of Wyoming, counting bug corpses as they splatter on the windshield.

Sinclair, Wyoming 1988
Sinclair, Wyoming 1988

Dick shares a glance with Kevin, a glance that conveys what words never could.  Finish up your pie there, son, and let’s hit the road.  Back to the snow and the relentless wind.  We don’t get paid to sit.  Well, technically, we DO, but you know what I mean. 

Boise, Idaho 1990
Boise, Idaho 1990
1980s, 1990s, Culture, History, Humor, Photography

Truck Stop Weary, Numero Dos

Tallapoosa, GA 1989 from Marc Wise's "Truck Stop"
Tallapoosa, GA 1989 from Marc Wise’s “Truck Stop”

I’m so excited.  And I just can’t hide it.  Seriously.  I convey this both in my posture and my expression, which exude a certain joie de vivre.  

Cottondale, Alabama 1994
Cottondale, Alabama 1994

All ye men in trucker caps, dig through your cab until you find the mix tape with “Eye of the Tiger” and “Don’t Stop Believing” and play the bejesus out of it until you get your heads on right.

Breezewood, Pennsylvania 1994
Breezewood, Pennsylvania 1994

These pics aren’t even from the same STATE, but it looks like the same place, the same hopeless truck stop, filled with men filled with defeat.  Seriously, brothers–y’all got to start listening to some Joel Osteen or something.  Here, I’ll get you started:

I’m the head and not the tail.

I’m more than a conqueror.

I’m the victor and not the victim.

And just in case you can’t find that mix tape, here’s Jerry Reed’s inspirational “East Bound and Down”: 

1980s, Culture, History, Humor, Photography

Truck Stop Weary, Numero Uno

Plymouth, Indiana 1988 from Marc Wise's "Truck Stop"
Plymouth, Indiana 1988 from Marc Wise’s “Truck Stop”

He may be young, but he’s hardly fresh.  With no woman to put his arm around, he chooses the coin-operated TV, with a screen smaller than a Kindle.  It’s 2am, and he just filled up the tank of his 18-wheeler.  At $3.50 per gallon of diesel fuel, and a 300 gallon tank, that was about a grand.  But don’t worry; he gets 5.5 miles per gallon.  Excuse me?  No wonder he looks miffed.

Sally just took his order, and will be right back to top off his coffee.  He hasn’t exercised in weeks years, he spends all day hunched over the wheel, and he neglected to take his multivitamin this morning.  But do you think he ordered the Cobb Salad?  No, sir.  Would you order the Cobb Salad if you just spent an hour adjusting your rear tandems because the moron who loaded your truck put all the weight in the back?  I didn’t think so.  He ordered the fried beige basket–you know, filled with french fries and fried meat, with a side of toast and gravy–the kind that keeps Dairy Queen (and cardiologists) in business.

DQ

Dang, I picked the wrong day to fast.

Now can we just talk about that enchanting clock for a sec?  Some mastercraftsman took a piece of wood and rendered an awesome image, and if Billy weren’t so damn jaded, he’d turn around and recognize.  Maybe he needs a little Savior’s hand on his left shoulder.  What do you think, Billy?

clock

There’s a place not far from here.  Get your bearings, get a message.  They’ll set you straight.

047McDonough, Georgia 1987
1980s, 1990s, Culture, History, Humor, Nostalgia, Photography

The Poor Man’s Six Flags

Wright Co Fair, Missouri 90
Wright Co Fair, Missouri 90

Today I showcase a fascinating assortment of another favorite picture book of mine, In Search of the Corn Queen.  In it, Greta Pratt shares pictures of various county fairs in the American Midwest.  Some are hopeful; some are hopeless.  But all are a window into small town celebration.

This one gives me a glimpse of that adolescent excitement over what could be, with the whole world laid out before you, an endless possibility.

Osage Indian Heritage Festival, Missouri 88
Osage Indian Heritage Festival, Missouri 88

Like I said, boy, all you gotta do is pop 10 balloons to win those skateboards on the wall.  It’s a piece of cake.  Would I steer you wrong?

Hickory Co Fair, Missouri 90
Hickory Co Fair, Missouri 90

Drench the volleyball coach!

Stover Summer Festival, Missouri 88
Stover Summer Festival, Missouri 88

Dang, I thought I was hot, but she’ll totally be hotter than me in ten years, when I’m like, ancient or something. 

Johnson Co Peach Fest, Arkansas 90
Johnson Co Peach Fest, Arkansas 90

I learned it from watching you, Dad.

Johnson Co Peach Fest, Ark 90
Johnson Co Peach Fest, Ark 90

No, that’s cool.  You just sit in your overalls on the tailgate, and I’ll hold our wriggling young’un and try to down this cup of Mad Dog before I get pregnant again.

  

Cheatham Co Fair, TN 90
Cheatham Co Fair, TN 90

High point of the afternoon; winning bundt cake in the last round of the cake walk.

Spring Fest, ARK 90
Spring Fest, ARK 90

Good clean fun or a gateway to Spring Break mud wrestling?

Platte Co Fair, Wyoming 89
Platte Co Fair, Wyoming 89

Two tickets for a dollar, six tickets per ride, means three dollars for the ferris wheel, or I could just blow it all on a Fanta and funnel cake.  What to do?  What to do?

Obion County Fair, TN 1990
Obion County Fair, TN 1990

No, I am absolutely not living vicariously through my grandbaby. 

Bates Co Fair, Missouri 90
Bates Co Fair, Missouri 90

Oh, yeah, life goes on.  Long after the thrill of living is gone. 

Stickney Centrennial, South Dakota 89
Stickney Centennial, South Dakota 89