Curbside cans: a five decker lunch of rice, beans, fish, fresh vegetables, and dessert. Sounds great. But how does Gilberto get his cans back?
Old School Grubhub
Month: September 2019
Serious Last Call
Vanna’s Younger Sister Hawks Sponge
There’s Valerie White, holding it up for all the free world to see.
And Vanna looks HORRified.
Can you blame her? Sponges are nasty, no matter what kind.
A scrub brush with fibers works fine.
Or this.
Directions To The Amish Bonnet Store
That Neighbor Who Gets The Jump On Christmas
Here it is not even autumn, and he’s already got the decorations on the lawn.
Next, he starts picking out gifts for the grandkids, like this Swedish key harp.
And he can’t put the gifts under the tree unless the tree is dressed to the hilt. I hope it doesn’t block their plasma TV.
Before you know it, he’ll be giving out rides in “one-horse” open sleighs.
Except that’s not a horse! That’s an actual reindeer!
Things We Bought in ’28
And look! You could even get a FREE copy of the Declaration sent to you! No handling fee; just postage.
Dances With Gulls
Masochists In The Midst
Setting: First day of school, fall 1939, at the University of Puerto Rico in Rio Piedras.
Plot: Same old song and dance. Upperclassmen defile face of newbie frosh. Onlookers smile. Well-dressed people spank each other with paddles.
Y’all, I just don’t get it. I don’t get hazing. I didn’t do the Greek scene. I would never have allowed myself to be humiliated like that. But golly, it’s in every single one of my yearbooks. The tradition continues!
People have always been cruel, since the first brothers to exist, Cain and Abel, became murderer and murderee. Honestly, murderee rolls off the tongue better than victim. Why don’t we say that instead? Anyhoo, the point is that violence always has been and always will be, and praying for world peace (which Andie McDowell’s foolish character did in Scrooged) is like trying to boil the ocean, as they say.
Fun fact to temper bitterness: That looming tower is the FDR Tower, which contains a carillon of 25 bells. What’s a carillon? A set of bells.
The tower still stands today (unless Dorian takes it out).
It commemorates then-president Franklin D. Roosevelt, and will remain named after him until future generations decide they don’t agree with something he did–at which point, it will either be renamed in honor of a more PC and palatable figure–or toppled altogether in the name of retribution.
South By Super-Coach
Dorian Impotent Against Puerto Rican Shelter
Sure, it looks ragtag and uncomfortable. But this 1939 stout shelter provided great protection from hurricane winds. Located near Caguas, the corrugated iron roof was secured with wire and crossed railroad ties to anchor it down.
I Don't Get It 