Walgreen’s University Welcomes Freshman Class
Category: Humor
Greetings From Downtown Houston
Not Exactly What I Thought American Queens Wanted
Sinners In The Mouth Of An Angry God
The stuff of nightmares. A workman wearing a newspaper hat and his pal chill at the steps of the Palazzo Zuccari, a 16th century building in Rome. It houses the Bibliotheca Hertziana – Max Planck Institute for Art History, a German research institute that isn’t even in Germany.
Evidently, newspaper hats were a thing. They would be great in central Texas because we have no wind and no rain, so they would never blow away. And if your phone ran out of juice, you could just grab your hat and read Garfield.
As you can see, the ghastly ghoul door remains nearly unchanged after 82 years, right down to the steps. With no visible door handle, I wonder how one enters.
Old School Grubhub
Curbside cans: a five decker lunch of rice, beans, fish, fresh vegetables, and dessert. Sounds great. But how does Gilberto get his cans back?
Vanna’s Younger Sister Hawks Sponge
There’s Valerie White, holding it up for all the free world to see.
And Vanna looks HORRified.
Can you blame her? Sponges are nasty, no matter what kind.
A scrub brush with fibers works fine.
Or this.
Directions To The Amish Bonnet Store
That Neighbor Who Gets The Jump On Christmas
Here it is not even autumn, and he’s already got the decorations on the lawn.
Next, he starts picking out gifts for the grandkids, like this Swedish key harp.
And he can’t put the gifts under the tree unless the tree is dressed to the hilt. I hope it doesn’t block their plasma TV.
Before you know it, he’ll be giving out rides in “one-horse” open sleighs.
Except that’s not a horse! That’s an actual reindeer!
Masochists In The Midst
Setting: First day of school, fall 1939, at the University of Puerto Rico in Rio Piedras.
Plot: Same old song and dance. Upperclassmen defile face of newbie frosh. Onlookers smile. Well-dressed people spank each other with paddles.
Y’all, I just don’t get it. I don’t get hazing. I didn’t do the Greek scene. I would never have allowed myself to be humiliated like that. But golly, it’s in every single one of my yearbooks. The tradition continues!
People have always been cruel, since the first brothers to exist, Cain and Abel, became murderer and murderee. Honestly, murderee rolls off the tongue better than victim. Why don’t we say that instead? Anyhoo, the point is that violence always has been and always will be, and praying for world peace (which Andie McDowell’s foolish character did in Scrooged) is like trying to boil the ocean, as they say.
Fun fact to temper bitterness: That looming tower is the FDR Tower, which contains a carillon of 25 bells. What’s a carillon? A set of bells.
The tower still stands today (unless Dorian takes it out).
It commemorates then-president Franklin D. Roosevelt, and will remain named after him until future generations decide they don’t agree with something he did–at which point, it will either be renamed in honor of a more PC and palatable figure–or toppled altogether in the name of retribution.
Horn-Rimmed Halcyon Heydey
Ah, 1965. Overhead projectors and horn-rimmed (NOT “horn rim”) glasses graced every classroom. And even then, the rims were not made of actual horn or tortoiseshell, but of plastic. All the better to see you with, my dear.
Some technology was old-school, like this microscope being used by a lad with a healthy head of Elvisian locks.
But new advancements had been made for this first year of German language lab. Bonus points if you can tell me what all those little chess-piece-looking things are.
Corded phones were still the only choice for office secretaries.
And there was this thing for numbers. Watch those bangs, sister.
Home Ec was called “industrial arts” at this particular high school.
While what we term regular “art” was still funded and practiced. Swell job, Peg!
Shop was called “Distributive Education.”
This was called “horseplay” and not cause for litigation.
Flirting was alive and well.
And teen silliness prevailed at the Junior-Senior Dance. What a lovely pair!
Now if I could only remember my locker combination…
Back-To-School Fish Stories
When Ancient Santorini Yayas Try To Fist Bump You, But Your Hands Are Full
Sorry, Yaya. No fist bumps today. Hope that black isn’t absorbing all the heat from the sun. She looks happy enough. Even her left eyebrow is smiling. Somehow.
And you would, too, if you lived in Santorini, the croissant-shaped Greek island. Why, just look at it!
I Don't Get It 