Mary Todd Lincoln Balances Teacup On Fingertips
Category: Advertising
I Bet You Didn’t
Pullman ad
Travel Arkansas: The Land of Pleasure
How about the vivid colors on this 85-year-old map, eh? Bright and sparkly and looking brand-new.
Take a gander at that one again. The icon they show for the largest population only shows over 500,000. But that was in 1930, when none of us was alive to fill the census count.
Met Life: Scaring The Pee Out Of Folks Since Before You Were Born
Oh, I beg to differ. Met Life scare tactics were their bread and butter.
The Value Of Scorpions
Looks Like I Picked The Wrong Week To Stop Drinking
Daily ExpressArchive Photos Getty Images
Budd-Built Zephyrs
How A Mattress Saved A Family
Meeting The Ex-Girlfriend
Here we see Cary Grantish introducing his new girlfriend in red (who may have either scoliosis or some sort of pelvic trauma causing that posture) to his former flame, Lana Turnerish, in purple. Lana asks, “Oh, is that where you met? How interesting.”
Cary, in his oblivion, doesn’t think there’s cause for cattiness, since that relationship ended over a decade ago, but that doesn’t stop Green Striped Hat from sizing up his current squeeze.
But the real flirtation is with these two. They’re obviously not married; no wife would beam at her man like that (unless she’s Nancy Reagan). No, this gal is setting a snare. 
All aboard a Pullman!
Timber!
Honey, We Can’t Live In Hotels Forever
Oh, the First World Problems of 1946! Howard wants to go house-hunting, but Mary is backed up. He offers to make her a glass of Sal Hepatica, which to me sounds like a mixture of Sal Mineo and hepatitis. Don’t do it, Mary!
You remember what happens to Sal Mineo, Mary? He gets stabbed to death in an alley by a pizza delivery man 30 years from now. Is that how you want to go out, Mary?
Fortunately, the sparkling, saline laxative works for Mary, and she jumps from el excusado to Howard’s arms in no time flat. Dream home, here we come!
Prophylactics, Pigs, And Prolon
Poor porker–he got outscienced! But take heart, you are still needed–for your delicious, delicious meat. Until then, enjoy fishing, wearing watches, and fastening overalls like the porcine do.
Hog bristle, huh? People brushed their teeth with hog bristle. Did you do that? More than one dentist has told me to never choose “hard” bristles, so I can only imagine how hard hog bristles are. Could you brusha-brusha-brusha with this implement?
I’ll pass. Chinese invented the bristle toothbrush in 1498 out of hog hair attached to bamboo or bone. I guess it got the job done, and possibly that last little fleck of pork that was wedged in between your molars. Perhaps if you only needed teeth until you were 30 (when you died), it wasn’t so bad. I have never felt so grateful for my Sonicare.
I Don't Get It 