1963 Comet, Coming At You

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Today’s daily dose of nostalgia comes to us from the 1962-63 Comet, just before Camelot fell apart.  Join me as we tumble back into a time between the Korean War and Vietnam, where cat’s-eye glasses and buzz cuts were in.  Student government was appropriately silly, but not full-on whackjob like we saw in the 1977 yearbook in Sunday’s post.  Life was a barrel of laughs.

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I realize it’s not the 1950s, but this is very reminiscent of Rydell HIgh.

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My favorite part of this next shot is the gal holding the bottle of hooch.  Pardon me, moonshine.
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And the fun kept coming.  Release your aggression with pinatas!

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The choir fellowships as it prepares for the annual Christmas festival.G041But it’s not all fun and games.  The German Club prepares a care package for needy families during the holidays.  Because who doesn’t love German food?  I’d prefer my care package from the Spanish Club, thank you.  Charro beans instead of refried.

GermanClubpackfoodneedyfamilyXMasSpeaking of Spanish, check out the smug grin on Lolita Ines Alverado’s (sic) face in Spanish class.  Tengo el cabello más hermoso de la clase.

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Lolita’s hair is much foxier than even the homecoming queen’s.  In those loafers, Meiling Lung looks downright dowdy.

G055But by far, the most interesting pictures are of the teachers themselves.

Mrs. Brack cannot be trusted.  That cropped cut betrays her.  I bet she has volumes of beatnik poetry in her drawer.  And Communist connections.  And clove cigarettes.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end.

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Why, in just a few years, some of you boys may be longhaired hippies, smoking the weed and living out of Volkswagen vans.  But if the THC doesn’t lodge too deeply in your brain, try not to forget the wonderful years in high school.  Harriet didn’t.

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When You Care Enough To Send The Very Kitschiest

What’s snazzier than this red retro television set?

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Perhaps this dapper turtle riding down a slide in his OWN shell?  
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If you pull the lever at the bottom right, he really does slide.  See?

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G034And in keeping with the red theme, here’s a keen card for a grandson.
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I don’t know Gramp and Gram from Adam, but I bet they were fine grandparents.  Who wouldn’t feel loved, receiving one of these, assuming kids actually READ them?

Can’t Say You Were A Little Saint

In my stack of vintage greeting cards, I found this cute birthday card manufactured by Gibson.  Perfect for a parent who isn’t a perfectionist…

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G024They don’t make ’em like that any more.

Billy Mack Is A Detective Down In Texas

Pantsless Santa and a student enjoying the March sun at the Union
Pantsless Santa and a student enjoying the March sun at the Union

If you know those lyrics, you should be clapping your hands together right now.  The Steve Miller Band’s “Take the Money and Run” topped the charts in 1976, and that’s our focus year today.  I was flipping through a 1976-77 University of Texas at Austin Cactus, one of many yearbooks in my collection.  What struck me the most was the level of unkemptness.  If that’s not a word, I hereby decree it is now.  Everything looked chaotic, in need of antiseptic wipes, hairbrushes, and ironing boards.  The 1970s just needs a darn good scrubbing.

If you weren’t alive then or were too young to recall, let me offer you this glimpse into what life was like as a student in central Texas during the year before Elvis collapsed on the toilet.

During the bicentennial year of 1976, the presidential elections intensified between Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford.  On campus, the Absurdist Group drafted an Arts & Sausages platform.  These are not typos.  Pictured is a rally for student government.  

absurdist

This next picture of student government (next to an icon of what appears to be Slash from Guns ‘n’ Roses, which did not exist yet) shows bralessness, early male pattern baldness, and an overzealous male giving the “Hook ‘Em, Horns” sign.

hookemsilly

Here you see a computer from the research department.  Fitting this on your lap at Starbuck’s was cumbersome at best.

computerResearchdept

The Tavern was a great place to socialize and blow off steam, back when the drinking age was 18, which seems CUH-RAZY in retrospect–allowing high school seniors to be hitting the saloons.  But I guess if they were old enough to go die in Vietnam, they should be allowed to knock back a few gin and tonics before shipping out.

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The pic is not askew.  The SEVENTIES were askew.  What is he looking at?  I’d say her chest, but her chest is identical to his.  Maybe he’s taking in the scent of her Ban Roll-On.

The Texas Tavern also offered bowling.  Check out the form on this hunk.

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And no college bar is complete without its “Disco Night,” which showcased the talents of diverse DJ’s.

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But university life wasn’t all fun and games; a shuttle bus drivers’ strike left students stranded at the bus stops.  New “scab” bus drivers feared violent strikers.

G019Below is a portrait of The Crow’s Nest, a group formed in 1949, open to any Navy ROTC Midshipmen with a 2.0 GPA.  The mission was to develop leaders and future Naval officers.  Per the yearbook, “the mascot is any likely sea bird such as the penguin or albatross.”  Was the entire yearbook staff stoned when they edited this?

G007If you really peer into this, you’ll see not only the YMCA being performed, but knives and swords at each other’s necks, a man in aviator glasses, a Greek Fisherman’s cap, and a jogging jacket, a gentleman in a nice blazer and his underwear taking a swig from a bottle, a cowboy taking a hit off a fatty–not to mention Los Tres Amigos at the bottom.  Mercy.

Frat life seems much more tame by comparison.  Note the gender roles being broken down as Wayne prepares a pot of chili for Wendy (whose Farrah Fawcett wings seem to be experiencing an uprising of their own).  How could she resist the charms of such a hairy beast and his blow-dried tresses?

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This next glimpse of campus life has no caption.  With the exposed brassiere, I can only guess that it’s a feminist rally gone awry.  We may never know.

G021And so ends our window into the dirty grime of The Bicentennial.  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

What A Rank Amateur You Are!

lovelife

“When a man asks you for your first college weekend, it’s a big deal.”  So begins the article in one of my 1958 Good Housekeeping magazines.  Pardon?  What’s a “college weekend’?  Is he taking her to a college where she’s never been?  Does he attend that college?  If it’s her “first” one, does that imply many will follow?  I’m so confused.  Reading further adds no clarity.

“Nothing marks you as a greenhorn more quickly than arriving at the ivy-covered stations with bulging bags.”  The station?  Like a train?  Certainly not a Greyhound Station.  Is it located near an Ivy League college?  (BTW, a greenhorn is a novice.  Nothing like a longhorn, or a Foghorn Leghorn.)

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The rules also say, “The greatest threat to a return engagement is getting gay (read, garrulous) or daring (read, dizzy)…”  And if you DO CHOOSE to get gay or daring, “it proves nothing at all except what a rank amateur you are.”  Yeesh!  Rank amateur?  So harsh! So complicated!  I think I’d just bow out of the entire weekend altogether.

The whole thing reminds me of MIss Mona’s no-no rules from The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas:

And please don’t show us no tattoos
No hearts and flowers on your thigh
It’s downright tacky
Brands belong on cattle and that ain’t what we’re selling at Miss Mona’s

Maybe that’s why I never got a tattoo; I didn’t want to upset Dolly Parton.  Plus, if it’s trashy on a Chicken Ranch whore,  how does it look on a common non-prostitute?

dolly2The ladies all sing, “Just lots of good will, and maybe one small thrill, but there’s nothing dirty going on!”  Hmmm.  Maybe THAT’S a college weekend?

I Don’t Always Drink Beer, But When I Do…

http://www.celebritiesheight.com
http://www.celebritiesheight.com

…it’s Dos Equis.  Actually, that’s not true.  I very rarely drink beer, and I can’t recall the last time I had a Dos Equis.  But the fact that that tagline is in my head means Dos Equis did a hell of a job marketing their beer with their pitchman, The World’s Most Interesting Man–who, incidentally, reminds me of Ricardo Gonzalo Pedro Montalbán y Merino, the star of Fantasy Island, which came on after Love Boat.  It always comes back to Love Boat for me.  It’s my seven degrees of Kevin Bacon.   

Women and wine go hand-in-hand.  You’ve seen the ecards.

wineGrapes are healthy, right?  Actually, these ecards seem kind of pathetic.  The women are often alone.  But beer is where it’s at for socializing.  Check out this ad for beer in the Fifties:

"Friends from across the Lake"
“Friends from across the Lake”

It’s not wine, women, and song, but it’s beer, women, and song.  The broads are dressed to the nines, spinning tunes and knitting, while casually-dressed men smoke pipes, throw back a pint, and wave to chums down at the pier, enjoying a twilight canoe ride.  The soft glow of the lantern invites you in to the scene.  I love it!  And why wouldn’t I?  It was painted by Haddon Sundblom, the man who brought us the genius of the Coca-Cola Santa Claus, the standard by which we measure all shopping mall Santas.

Another work of art is this watercolor by John Gannam, “Around the Swimming Pool,” used in an ad for the U.S. Brewers Foundation.

L062848Keep in mind that this was 1948, so everyone was thin.  And yes, everyone was fairskinned, so not every token ethnicity is represented, the way they are sprinkled in to department store ads in current acceptable proportion these days.  Just get past that, you PC freaks.  The focus here is on the technique.  This is ART.  You an keep your abstracts; I’ll take mine uplifting like this.  A sunny day, a refreshing creek (clearly without water moccasins), stylish kerchiefs, Betty Grable legs, snacks at the ready…  Who wouldn’t want this life?  Even the most devout teetotaler is not immune to those Tang-tinted mugs o’ ale.

I imagine that creek runs down past the neighbor’s back yard, a few doors down, where the festivities continue.

Douglas Crockwell's "Birthday Party for Dad"
Douglas Crockwell’s “Birthday Party for Dad”

What a sweet back yard!  Is that a waterfall in the background?  The current looks pretty strong there in the foreground, but that’s not keeping Esther Williams from playfully flirting splashing her friend’s husband, the one hiding her first trimester pregnancy in the robe.  Seriously, who wears a swim cap to a Frank Lloyd Wright back yard shindig?  She must have just had her hair did.  Or maybe it’s tinted pink, from an inept Beauty School drop-out.  Either way, beer belongs.  You better recognize.  

Starring In Our Own Late Late Show

bogartI always liked this image from one of my Hollywood golden years picture books.  An interesting snippet from their lives.  But it also seemed sad, since Humphrey Bogart only lived a few more years.

Esophageal cancer ultimately claimed him, and he only weighed 80 pounds (36 kg) when he died on January 14, 1957.  The things cancer can do to a body.  That’s another thing I don’t get.  I guess he was right when he said, “Things are never so bad they can’t be made worse.”

I suppose that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy, though.

“Look, Bogey!  I see a pack of unfiltered Chesterfields that you haven’t smoked yet!”

www.bogieonline.com
http://www.bogieonline.com

And what happened to eight glasses of water a day?

www.tumblr.com
http://www.tumblr.com

Live and let live, I guess.  We all have our vices and our downfall.  His widow, Lauren Bacall once said, “You can’t start worrying about what’s going to happen.  You get spastic enough worrying about what’s happening now.”  Amen.

 

Schnozzola And The Elongated Appendage

I was Googling strabismus (don’t ask), which reminded me of proboscis, which reminded me (or–as my son says–remembered me) of proboscis monkeys, which are the bomb.  If you haven’t seen them before, consider your life full now.  If they seem familiar, they might bear a resemblance to a sepia photo of an ancestor from the Old Country.

borneoadventure.com
borneoadventure.com

I always want to pronounce it “probiscus,” but I think that’s because I grew up in Hippietown, where the city council mandated all hip restaurants serve hibiscus tea.  I love me some hibiscus tea.

This fella looks like Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two:

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Now I’m not going to go all National Geographic on you and load you up with stats and preach how proBOScis monkeys are endangered, how they are the primate world’s most prolific swimmers, or how silly they can be when hitting the water with a belly flop SPLAT. Pinky swear.

I just want you to recognize their uniqueness.  This guy has swagger.

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At first, this looks like an ad for Reach toothbrushes or dental hygiene, but I think he’s just chewing a stick. All in a day’s work.

hunterkirk.livejournal.com
hunterkirk.livejournal.com

Now pretend I’m Oprah Winfrey, narrating the Discovery Channel’s “Life” series, giving you the 411 on all animals as if she created them herself, like she’s some Miss Know-It-All Omniscient Oprah, Queen of All That Is And Will Be.  Sorry.  Now here goes in my alto Winfrey voice: The males use their bulbous, pendulous noses to attract females.  If that seems far-fetched, consider Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts. (I still love you, Lyle.)

lyleOr the most obvious comparison, Jimmy Durante.  If you don’t know who Jimmy Durante is, do yourself a favor and Google him.

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He’s actually not THAT scary.  And he did manage to wed two wives, so the nose evidently was no deterrant.

image-pics.info
image-pics.info

This next shot makes me want to start a caption contest.  Ever since Junior was born, it’s like I don’t even matter to you.  Whatevs.  I’m over it.

true-wildlife.blogspot.com
true-wildlife.blogspot.com

Well, I’m off to enjoy a tall glass of iced hibiscus tea now.  Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are!

I Just Had Three Vials Of Blood Drawn, But I Can Still Operate A Camera

That's actually just lemonade.
That’s actually just lemonade.
Oranges
Oranges
Pelican full of leftover Valentine's candy
Pelican full of leftover Valentine’s candy
Hippo Soda Water Bottle 1926
Hippo Soda Water Bottle 1926

Swellest Menu Art, Part III

Mayflower Menu
Mayflower Menu

Today is the final installment of vintage menus.  The above pic is a Thanksgiving menu, a feast that Americans celebrate at the end of November, which makes all politically correct people get their panties in a wad because Pilgrims and Indians (now called Native Americans) could never possibly have shared a squash and a smile.  But whatever.  We watch football with our families, gorge ourselves on turkey and casseroles, and save room for pie.  Come to think of it, why would anyone be eating in a RESTAURANT on Thanksgiving?  Anyhoo, here are the feast details (one may click to enlarge).

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Those prices are pretty steep for modern times, and this menu is at least twenty years old.  Mercy!

Here is a cute breakfast menu from Varadero International in Cuba, all in Spanish.

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pic102Coffee was A QUARTER.  Can you imagine buying a beverage for ONE coin?  What would the tip be?  A nickel?  Did waitresses walk around with jingling aprons as dimes clinked against pennies?  Consider the pain involved if she chose to “make it rain up in here.”

The next menu is from the Alta Mira Continental Hotel in San Francisco.  How this hideous design ever got approved is beyond me, as it’s ugly as a 1970s appliance set.

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However, I would be willing to overlook that if I could still procure either the filet mignon or the Half Lobster Delight for under $5, as advertised.

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Bratten’s Grotto in Utah included actual photos on their large fold-out menu:

Cattlemen’s in Fort Worth–in bright taxi-cab yellow–had an interesting cocktail menu, which included both a Tio Pepe and a Tia Maria.

This final menu shows the name of its owner in the left corner, and its age, with the dates from 1961-1972.  I love the sea foam green, the cheese saltines, and the ten ways to prepare a potato.

Thanks for peeking back in time with me!