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My Precious
Category: Celebrities
May The Force MD Be With You
A conversation with Sandra led me down the long and winding road to this awesomely bewitching video for “Tender Love.” How had I never seen it?
You don’t have to be familiar with this slow jam by Force MD (one of Pres Obama’s favorite bands) to appreciate all of its levels of 80s gloriousness. Let me break it down in fifteen easy steps. I promise it’s better than “Key Largo.” No, I can’t promise that.
- A lone man sits on a stoop with what appears to be swaddling clothes in his lap. Or it might just be a sweatshirt.
- A group of stylish young men (in various stages of mulleted Soul Glo hair growth) gather at the foot of a brownstone. Any moment now, Theo Huxtable will pop out of the front door, wearing a shirt sewn by sister Denise.
- Suddenly, Rerun from What’s Happening? (who has clearly just left a Jenny Craig meeting) quiets them down–by the power of his index finger, combined with the metallic glow of his F necklace.
- He begins to conduct them as he would an orchestra, and they fall into place, snapping and swaying, with a combination of karate moves and sign language that bring to mind a poor-man’s Temptation.
- Already I’m in Cosby Show cardigan overload. The graphic prints just make it all the worse.
- Oh, no! What’s that? Did they piss a white lady off? No, it’s Rosie Perez, and she stole Nancy Reagan’s blazer. Alert the Secret Service!
- They form a soul train toward the window to serenade her, with a bright yellow blazer bringing up the caboose. Now it’s full-on Motown moves and emoting with great fervor.
- The lead singer goes into his falsetto, which launches black-and-white cardigan man into his signature “rope-pulling Marcel Marceau” move.
- The effect this has on Rosie Perez is not only calming, but seems to be sending her into some Lunesta haze. She inhales while curtains flap in the breeze like a Summer’s Eve commercial.
- Doo-wop moves ensue. Suddenly, she smiles, revitalized, looking nothing like Rosie Perez. Her skin is cafe au lait, and so smooth. She must be a Noxzema model.
- What’s that? J.J. from Good Times walks up the stairs with Penny. Seems so random.
- Then they gather in a campfire circle and sing “la la la la” with more air-snapping and high-fiving, congratulating themselves that the song is halfway over.
- They all make fists and bring them down, a precursor to the Billy Blanks Tao-Bo upper-cut.
- The Noxzema model is unimpressed, and retires to the bedroom, as the blinding yellow from the chunky one’s ensemble has seared her retinas.
- They disband. Yellow blazer departs in search of a bolo tie to complete his look, leaving skinny Rerun behind. Forlorn. Waiting on Rosie. You’ll be waiting forever, son. She’s gone. She’s gone. Just ask Hall and Oates.
Beehivey, Redheaded, and Giddy
Happy 88th Birthday to Charlotte Rae!
You take the good, you take the bad, you take the housekeeper on Diff’rent Strokes and give her her own spin-off, and you’ve got a hit 80s sitcom called The Facts of Life. Charlotte Rae played the housemother of Eastland, Mrs. Garrett. And although Father Time has turned her hair a fetching shade of white…
most of us remember her all beehivey, redheaded and giddy:
You older folks may remember her as Sylvia Schnauzer on the sitcom Car 54, Where Are You?, but she will always be Mrs. Garrett to me.
Like The Nanny‘s Fran Drescher, who was married to a gay man for 21 years, Rae stayed with her husband for an astonishing 25 years until he came out of the closet.
I guess she took the good and took the bad.
Other than the movie about the pig and the spider, as well as an alternative music hit that I used to watch on MTV’s 120 Minutes called “Charlotte Anne,” I have no association with the name. Not all English degree majors have an affection for Charlotte Bronte with two dots above the e.
But the name is winning favor amongst modern day mommies-to-be. Don’t call it a comeback. Okay, call it a comeback. Back in 1999, the name Charlotte was ranked #308 in U.S. Popularity. By 2012, it had zoomed to #19. The most recent information from May 2013 shows the listings as such:
- 1. Sophia
- 2. Emma
- 3. Isabella
- 4. Olivia
- 5. Ava
- 6. Emily
- 7. Abigail
- 8. Mia
- 9. Madison
- 10. Elizabeth
- 11. Chloe
- 12. Ella
- 13. Avery
- 14. Addison
- 15. Aubrey
- 16. Lily
- 17. Natalie
- 18. Sofia
- 19. Charlotte
- 20. Zoey
- 21. Grace
- 22. Hannah
- 23. Amelia
- 24. Harper
- 25. Lillian
I know, old people’s names, right? Well, history repeats itself. Although I wouldn’t get too excited about seeing Maude up there any time soon.
Two Dorises And A Dixie Lee
To be honest, I’m not sure what the plural of Doris is. Perhaps it’s Dorisi, like octopi. All I know is both of these Dorisi appear to be mature college students. And that’s great to earn your degree when you’re over 22. Grandma Moses began her career at an advanced age yadda yadda yadda whatever. That’s not the point.
The point is Doris Hamman. And her head. Truly, it’s more of a conehead shape, with flora and fauna sprouting from the apex. Not as curious as the Selma Blair forehead, which I previously shared in my Hebrew Hair post, but still.
I don’t get this hairdo either, but I’m pretty sure it has to do with samurais and trickery.
Pie Hole
“I don’t want to spend my life not having good food going into my pie hole. That hole was made for pies.” Paula Deen
Alright Alright Alright
I knew Matthew McConaughey had attended the University of Texas, but I didn’t realize he was on the 1971 Debate Team.
(Just in case you didn’t catch Daze and Confused…)
Buckles Of Swash
In a recent conversation with fellow blogger, Benson, we discussed actor Errol Flynn, who often played daring and dauntless characters, ripe with resourcefulness, chivalry, and swordfighting skills. He is remembered as the consummate swashbuckler. A biography of Flynn is even titled Portrait of a Swashbuckler.
Not to be outdone, the biography series of Douglas Fairbanks, The Great Swashbuckler, features scenes of him in iconic swashbuckling roles such as The Three Musketeers. Watch him get his swashbuckle on.
I fear the term is going by the wayside, and this has to stop. Per wikipedia, the word swashbuckler generally describes a protagonist who is heroic and idealistic to the bone and who rescues damsels in distress. His opponent is typically characterized as the dastardly villain.
I have never gone in for romance novels, was never tempted by colorful covers of longhaired Fabios and heaving bosoms beneath torn bodices. But it’s not hard to understand why a woman would enjoy fantasizing about an honorable, courageous hero, eager to defeat evil as well as capture her body heart.
I did, however, see The Adventures of Robin Hood and The Princess Bride, the latter in my formative years, which left a generation of adolescent girls seeking their own Farm Boy-turned-dueling Dread Pirate Roberts, who would say, “As you wish” to their every desire. What lady wouldn’t want that?
One need not read to deeply into it to determine the suggestiveness of a hero who is good with his sword. And I do believe Robin Hood is quoted as saying, “Rise and rise again.”
So are there any modern day swashbucklers? Captain Jack Sparrow in the recent Pirates of the Carribbean franchise with his pirate swaggah, could pass for a swashbuckler. One might even argue that Indiana Jones played a cocky swashbuckler, engaging in daring and romantic adventures, although he lacked the ostentatious bravado. And the mustache.
In any event, the swashbuckling archetype, driven nearly into extinction after its overexposure in movies and mid-century TV shows, is due for re-entry.
Double O Heaven
Okay, okay, let’s keep it clean here in blogland. It’s just Sean Connery, teasing Jill St. John with his ice cream on the set of Diamonds Are Forever in 1971. Nothing to get riled up about.
Swoon River
These ladies of of the 1946 Delta Chi Delta all agreed upon one thing: crooner Frank Sinatra was dreamy, even worthy of a swoon.
Swoon:
a : to faint
b : to become enraptured <swooning with joy>
But they weren’t the only ones. Ol’ Blue Eyes appealed to Bobby Soxers across the board.
Before Elvis and the Beatles, there was Frank Swoonatra, The Voice, Chairman of the Board.
The war was over, and the girls were eager to mob the Italian kid from Hoboken, New Jersey.
Most of us know about the Rat Pack, his ill-fated marriage to Ava Gardner, his suspect connections to the Mafia, his support of JFK, his daughter Nancy Sinatra, and his acting and singing careers. You may even know he’s one of only five people to have both a #1 single and an Oscar for acting, along with Cher, Barbra Streisand, Bing Crosby, and Jamie Foxx. Yeah, Jamie Foxx. But did you know:
- His version of “New York, New York” is played at Yankee Stadium after every Yankee home win? Liza Minelli’s version is played after every Yankee home loss.
- He was the original choice to play Dirty Harry?
- When Bela Lugosi died virtually penniless, Sinatra paid for his funeral?
According to www.imdb.com, “Sinatra weighed over 13 pounds at birth, and he had to be delivered by forceps. As a result, one of his ears was nearly severed. Showing no signs of life, he was held by his grandmother under cold, running water. He began to breathe, and cry. His mother – a practical nurse – and his father – a tavern operator – had been hoping for a girl, and had already chosen the name Frances. So they gave him the masculine form of the name: Francis.”
Here he is performing vocal warm-ups with Jackie Gleason.
And just clowning around on the set of Guys and Dolls.
And finally laid to rest.
Bedroom Eyes
Please. You know I’m not going to talk about Dharma Bums or On The Road. I didn’t get an English degree for that. And plus, I’m not my 1995 boyfriend, trying desperately to have a deep conversation, so…
This is not to dismiss Jack Kerouac’s writing; if that’s what you want, check out another WP blogger. If it’s shallow and unnecessary judgment you need, you’re in the right place. And this isn’t about his cup of liquor or his pipe or his gingham or his lustful stare. It’s about how he was reincarnated as Nathan Fillion.
With a dash of Mike Rowe.
Well, this shot of a dirty hitchhiker doesn’t look too much Kerouac. I might be wrong. Perhaps I should do some more research, just to be sure.
Research is totally important.
Seriously.
Sorry, straight guys. Go cleanse your palate with some pin-ups.
Happy Birthday, Doris Day (Whatever Age You Are)
Reports today show Doris Day’s age from 90 to 92, owing to the fact that she lied about her age, back in the day, so that she could sing professionally with a big band in a club. According to http://www.npr.org, Day’s bandleader lied to the club owners and told them she was a legal adult.
“I kept forgetting that I wasn’t two years older for years,” Doris Day said. “As the years go on, and my mother said to me, ‘You know what, it just occurred to me. You’re not really 30. You’re 28.’ And I looked at her and said, ‘Oh my gosh, I forgot all about that.'”
How nice to suddenly remember you’re two years younger!
This is guaranteed to be the most recent picture you’ll find of the reclusive actress, who has been single for over 30 years, living with her dogs in Carmel-by-the-Sea, California.
Most of us, however, prefer to remember Day, born Doris Mary Ann Kappelhoff, as the fresh-faced Goldilocks shown in this 1948 Christmas pic with Bob Hope. Perhaps she’ll live to be 100 like he did!
Perhaps she already has…
For more on Doris, check out:http://michaelstvtray.com/2014/04/03/doris-day-bday/ .
Hat Association Games
Today I will use my new 1973 Indiana University yearbook to play an installment of Hat Association Game. Here goes.
When I see this:
I think of Miss Mary J Blige:
And this corduroy-clad kiddo:
When I see this:
I think of afghan throws and crocheted potholders.
When I see this:
I think several things at the same time, but one of them is, “Is he really wearing a floral velvet newsboy cap with a tassle ball on top? That takes juevos.” I believe that Lance Gross proves that hat style can evolve for the better.
And lastly, when I see this:
I think of playing poker in what is clearly not a shower cap, but then I am distracted by the chipmunk cheeks of his friend, and I think of Tito Jackson.
And then I think of Tito Jackson in an oversized newsboy cap.
And Tito Jackson in a brown derby.
Which reminds me of the restaurant, the Brown Derby.
Which makes me hungry. So I’m going to head to the kitchen and fry up some free-range eggs. And I know just the hat to wear!
I Don't Get It 