Per the late Dominick Dunne (who took this picture), Natalie Wood (with whom he often supped at Hollywood parties) had the habit of reapplying lipstick after dinner, using the blade of her knife as a mirror.
Category: Beauty
Jill In ’87
By the fall of 1987, I was well-acquainted with the new supermodel faces across my fashion magazines: Cindy, Linda, Naomi, etc. As I had curly hair at the time, I could relate to Jill Goodacre, whose mane poured down her neck with all of the high-volume tousles that a headbanging 1987 demanded. I think you will understand why Harry Connick Jr married her.
And this next one, well … I can’t even explain it. And that’s why this blog is called “I Don’t Get It.”
Nowadays, the 55-year-old has her straightened (as most of us do) for a more polished, less unruly look. She and Harry have been married for 25 years.
How To Keep Phlebotomists And Blood Pressure Cuffs At Bay
When Your Skirt Is In Serious Need Of Ventilation
Ladies, we’ve all had those moments when the air gets stale beneath our petticoats and we could go for a good “Seven Year Itch” subway grate moment. Get the air moving about a bit. But this is too much. Maybe model Lisa Fonssagrives was having a good braided hair day, a good make-up day, and wanted to get out and show her dress off. That, I get. Sometimes your hair is so on point that it demands social activity.
But hit the pubs, the restaurants, the gardens, perhaps the part of the Eiffel Tower that touches the ground. Maybe that was her intention. But then photographer Erwin Blumenfeld arrived on the scene.
And he said, “Just hear me out here, but I was thinking … What if you scaled the girders of the tower in your billowy Lucian Lelong dress–which is totally not a hazard in any way–sans harness, and just sort of hung on by one hand? Sound good?”
And she was all, “Why not?”
Badda-bing, badda-boom, the precursor to our current dangerous, extreme selfie culture.
Somehow, Lisa lived to the age of 80, not falling off a Parisian tower. She described herself as a “good clothes hanger.”
Ugly Perms Of ’84
That’s how I feel about perms, too, Andie. Like Andie McDowell, I had curly hair in the 80s, so no perm was warranted. Frizz was in, and sleek was out. Even Paulina experimented with the volume of the perm. Clearly, she still felt sexy in her side-eye specs.
Perms were liberating, devil may care, and wild.
When mousse came on the scene, permed styles became wetter, evoking poolside images of Christie Brinkley in “Vacation” or Phoebe Cates in “Fast Times at Ridgemont High.”
But some perms still looked touchably soft. Why bother with earrings at this point?
And let’s not forget moisturizing curls to keep them plump and full–and “sof” and free. Even the “t” in soft was too hard for these curls.
That arched eyebrow means she ain’t playing.
Some Vogue ads showed before and afters, pre- and post-perm.
It looks like they were going for a combination of Jennifer Beals “Flashdance” hair and Ola Ray from the “Thriller” video. What do you think? Is that smile cringey?
And God forbid you get a bad perm. You could never show your face in public. The solution to a damaging perm? Twigs and branches.
Hair Of Early ’86
Take a look around. People’s hair seems pretty tame these days. Yes, women from 12 to 55 are adding purple tint. That’s a bit odd. But basically, nothing in these 20-teens has anything on the 80s. Not the Oughties or the 90s.
Today we take a look at a tiny sliver of the 80s, January through April of 1986. All images are from Vogue.
Let’s start with this hair-raising vertical, erect pony. It certainly wouldn’t work for driving any form of car or truck. Perhaps she only traveled in the way way back of station wagons, prostrate. She seems the sort, no?
Gravity-defying was in, with temples swept up and away. With heavy earrings and fringe hanging down, hair needed to fly up, the opposite of the middle-parted hippie Cher hair from the decade prior.
Even the model in the fatty plus-sized section of the mag had her hair sprayed up to the heavens to make sure it never fell into her face. 
This six-year-old in a jubilant Esprit ad also had hair spiked and sprayed to the sky, accented with a bandana, a la Olivia Newton-John’s “Physical” days.
When inevitably the hair collapsed, one wound up with a Shaggy Dog look. If only she could see her own appearance, she would have jetted to the Supercuts for a trim.
These bangs win the award for thickest bangs ever. I bet you could hide a shiv in there.
And for the free and easy, peace-loving, inclusive Benetton ads, hair was free form as well. All the way down to those split ends. Peace out.
Hardy Horehound
Y’all, the horehound has not lessened up around here. In fact, the highways are flanked by even thicker and pinkier/purplier horehound than ever. It’s the horehoundiest season that Texas has ever seen, no doubt. The more I see them, the more they remind me of my Swiffer hand dusters, narrow enough to get to even the most trapped dust.
Beauties of West Texas State Teachers College 1935
The Braless Eighties
Bra-burning began 50 years ago among protesters of the Miss America pageant, an emblem of radical feminism. Having not been alive 50 years ago, I cannot fully comprehend their behavior. I imagine most of these women would have been svelte, small-bosomed ladies like my mom and most of my friend’s mommies. Today, however, those who are fuller figured and into the C and D cups, who spend over $50 per bra, wouldn’t dare burn them. Not even for political gain.
Of my generation, I never knew anyone to go braless, though we did see Baby Boomer women who did, and we did witness the jiggly antics of Chrissy Snow on “Three’s Company.” This was not something we wanted to emulate. So when I see braless pics in the pages of my new (but old) 80’s Vogues, I assume it was purely for fashion reasons.
It started out subtle.
In the most androgynous of ways.
It presented a united front.
Then it got scary.
And then it took a turn into the new career woman’s ensembles. What working woman would be caught dead sans camisole, with a V nearly to her naval? And what’s with that belt? High fashion indeed.
It would have been impossible to saunter into an office and ask folks not to stare. It’s like J. Lo in her green dress. Too much liberation, with risk of escape!
One thing I do know for sure is that they sold bras in the 80s. The problem was, save for Jane Russell’s Cross Your Heart Playtex bra, they nearly all look like training bras for middle schoolers. No underwire, no support. And little cooing doves on the cups made them posilutely silly.
I can’t imagine a grown woman wearing this. I can’t imagine a bra that you could crumple up into your hand. Many of today’s top-selling bras are minimizing, taking you one cup down, having wide straps that don’t leave indentions in your shoulders, and they’d never fit in one hand. Then again, we are in an obesity epidemic. If you’re lucky enough to be able to find function in that duet brassiere, thank your lucky stars. Your back thanks you as well. You are spared the burden.
So, ladies, whether your bosom is a Dolly Parton or a Kelly Ripa, one thing is for sure: our country sure has a love/hate relationship with them.
Swimsuits of ’84
Summer is on the horizon. Time to suit up and hit the waves. If you’re unsure as to what suits you, please find inspiration in swimwear from these January-June 1984 Vogues.
Could this be any more 80s? The overdone eyeliner, the one huge earring (because who doesn’t wear dangle earrings to the beach?), the low-cut animal print, and tousled hair. Perfect!
Are they feathers or surfboards? The 80s was all about colorful geometric prints.
This ad got right to the point. Wear Robby Len or nothing at all. And for some reason, one girl chose nothing.
This next one has a very aerobics vibe, with the shorn locks of a Benatar, a Jett, or even Jamie Lee Curtis. My concern is with the two buttons on her side. Avoid the downward dog!
The next Christian Dior ad is over-the-top and ridiculous. Here we see the bosom of Kelly LeBrock as it nearly spills out of her plunging neckline. Don’t hate me because I’m heavenly!
God bless America.
This next one is all about the color blocking in Crayola hues.
And lastly, we’ve got Footloose‘s Lori Singer with Aqua-Netted hair “fried, died, and shoved to the side,” as my queens used to say, holding a wailing infant (clearly upset with the quality of her pearls), while seagulls hover above. Has there ever been an image that captures the tranquility and beauty of the ocean more than this?
Casual Ways I Pose In My Downtime
I just got my hands on a heap of 80s Vogues, and thought I’d share some of the fun images I encountered in the following 1986 mags. Fashion models aren’t known for their realistic poses, but these are some doozies.
Looking fierce with those slim hips.
Rocking a baby, but backwards.
Oh, pardon me!
The statuesque Paulina.
Take the picture already. I have to pee!
The strut every woman makes when she walks into work. She’s so professional, her skirt buttons can’t stay fastened.
Most women like to dress up in haute couture and then plop on the floor like basic hounds, one arm awkwardly forced behind our backs. Is she on a cruise ship? Oh, Christy.
And lastly, the demure tribal bonfire pose.
Early predecessor to the culturally-appropriating fashionista Kim K.
No?
Tights And Loafers
This February 1941 LIFE article states that these colored stockings are head-turners. I agree that these green stockings DO turns head, but not for the right reasons. I don’t know any gal who’d find those a compliment to her ensemble.
They actually look much better in black and white, especially when paired with lovely smiles and (of course) a bottle of Coke. Coke makes everything better. 
Boy, this gal is a stunner, such a lovely image of spring.
Evidently, stockings are made of lisle, a word with which modern women are not familiar.
lisle. n. 1. a fine, high-twisted and hard-twisted cotton thread, at least two-ply, used for hosiery, gloves, etc.
The only Lyle with which I’m familiar is Waggoner, the actor from “The Carol Burnett Show.” Did you know he’s been married to his wife for 58 years??
I Don't Get It 