I’ll Top Myself Off, Thanks

Nat Geo 6/68

A patron of a Viennese wine garden refills his glass from a weinheber. A fat cigar, fine wine, a plate of cured meats, perhaps some friendly company. What else could one want? The article from which this came declares this image as an example of the German word, gemutlichkeit, which we’re all going to learn today.


Behance.net defines it as, “A feeling of friendliness and coziness that comes from drinking in a beer garden.”  They created this next poster, which you might find helpful, should you choose to add more words to your vocabulary. Perhaps a little humpen and hopfen is in order.

Now is ze time on Sprockets vhen ve dance!


Well, it’s day two of creepy album covers, and, oh, the things one discovers when perusing cover art!  Today’s artist is a hammerhead shark/Andy Warhol named Heino.  Again, musical ignorance has prevented me from being familiar with his extensive collection, which includes his 1980 hit, “Bier, Bier, Bier” (not to be confused with “Beers, Steers, and Queers”).

The best translations I could find for the title, Liebe mutter ein blumenstrauß der nie verwelkt, were, “Love mother a flower that never fades consuming,” and “Dear mother of one bouquet never.”  I don’t get it.  Is it Mother’s Day in Berlin?

And no, he’s not an albino, and no, he’s not Corey Hart.  Heino suffers from exophthalmos due to Grave’s disease.  But the Lord blessed him with a rich baritone, capable of belting out beer barrel polkas, so it all balanced out.

Once you really dig into the essence of Heino, you sense a cynophilic trend.  He rather fancies poodles.

heino poodles

I mean, REALLY fancies them.

more poodles

And German Shepherds (because he IS German, after all…)

heino hits 6

Now that I look at it–this looks more like seeing-eye dogs leading him up the stairway to heaven.  Clearly, he does not discriminate each time he visits the Humane Society.


And what is that badge in the hound’s mouth?  A license to ill?  The point is, the blonde Roy Orbison loves dogs.  Even corn dogs!


Sorry–that’s not a corn dog; it’s a microphone.

After his stylist gave him a saucy Steve McQueen ‘do, he took it down to the farm and chilled with the animals.  I believe this LP was later titled, “WARHORSE!!”


Months passed by, and when his mane grew into more of a Jean Seberg ‘do, he revisited his periwinkle farm friends.


As music and trends evolved, so did he.  Here he is frisky and fresh from the leather bar, doing his Tae Bo jabs.


In case you’re wondering, tanless Heino is still going strong at 74, married to his third wife, with no trace of male pattern baldness in sight.  And don’t even try to get your hands on that album; “das verbotene” means “the forbidden,” and Germans mean business.

In the words of Mike Myers’ Dieter himself, I say, “You have disturbed me almost to the point of insanity…There. I am insane now.”